Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Dao/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Dao

  • Nominated by: Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:16, February 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A little bit is better then nada.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 13:55, March 3, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Such interesting naming, TCW...
  • I see errors—to name a few, redirects, minor italicizing of ship names, incorrect use of the dialogue template (there's only two speakers), sourcing, one of the reference tags needs to use the proper source template. You should be able to take care of these by now, Lee. JangFett (Talk) 18:24, February 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • Supply Lines serves as the beginning of the Battle of Ryloth. Per Star Wars Annual 2011, it was confirmed to have take place in 21 BBY, not around the year. Please be careful with this in the future. If you're not sure, you can always check related articles; in this case, the Battle of Ryloth (Clone Wars).
  • In the intro, you need to explain more of his role about joining Ima gonna die's fleet. As it stands, you mention more of his death rather than what he did prior to his dismiss.
    • You don't really need to mention Ima gonna die if you're going to mention him out of nowhere. You could say both Dao and him were assigned to Ryloth, ect, and then go into how Dao commanded the Star Destroyers.
  • The bio should have some sort of mentioning that he commanded several fleets, since you mentioned this in the intro. It's rather important, isn't it?
    • First of all, Dao lead that entire force, meaning Di was under the command of him? That's what I see in the bio at the moment.
  • "Hoping to counter this threat, the Galactic Republic sent a strike force consisting of Jedi Master Ima-Gun Di, a unit of clone troopers and a Navy task force of Venator-class Star Destroyers under the command of Dao to liberate the planet." This sentence sounds like those two "task forces" or 'strike forces" are two separate things, but they are not.
    • Still remains; look at the objection above as well.
  • You need to explain more of Dao's role in space rather than focusing on Imma gonna die's adventures on the planet's surface. Keep it on his pov
    • Still remains
  • Why was the CIS force proved to be a greater threat than originally expected? Where does Dao fit in with this? Needs to be explained more.
    • Still remains
  • The sentence of the CIS blockade was too strong for the Republic to "the battle lasted for days," does feel disjointed. It's been a while since I saw this episode, but is there anyway you could make it flow better.
    • No change
  • " Dao was contacted by Di, who requested that the admiral should try to ask for more reinforcements." Reinforcements from where? Reinforcements for who.
    • He tried to contact the Republic? Also, "Dao tried to contact the Republic for reinforcements but was unsuccessful. Dao was contacted by Di, who requested that the Admiral should try to ask for more ground reinforcements from the Republic." I don't get what's going on here. Dao contacted "the Republic," first, and then Di contacted Dao saying he should contact them again? If these are two separate events that take place one after the other, it doesn't sound right.
  • You should say During Dao's conversation with Obi-Wan and Mace. At the moment, it sounds like his conversation caused the star destroyer to blow up.
    • Can you explain what the CIS did to cause Dao's ship's shield to fail.
  • P&T-"Dao served as admiral in the Republic Navy and was given command of an entire fleet." How does this describe him?
  • P&T-"Although he tried his best however, his fleet was routed and he was killed." This sounds very viewer-poi. How exactly did Dao "try his best." What did he do specifically. The bio is relatively void of any actions Dao took/did, which needs to be corrected.
  • P&T-"While communicating with Windu and Kenobi, Dao repeatedly made clear that reinforcements were needed to hold the position on Ryloth and a defeat there would have major consequences." Why isn't this mentioned in the bio? Per a few objections above, Dao's role needs to be explained more in the bio.
    • The P&T still needs work. "Dao tried to defend Ryloth, his fleet was routed by superior forces and he was killed. While communicating with Windu and Kenobi, Dao repeatedly made clear that reinforcements were needed to hold the position on Ryloth and a defeat there would have major consequences for the entire sector." Particularly the first sentence of the P&T souns like Dao was trying to protect the planet himself. The next sentence could be in the bio itself, and then reworded in the P&T. Also see if you could spot any grammatical errors in these two sentences.
  • The bts needs some work. Start by saying Dao was first introduced in Supply Lines, then go onto he was voiced by James Arnold Taylor.
    • Still remains; what do you remember from other TCW noms?
  • Overall Lee, please watch your spelling, grammar, and linking. The redirects and my first objection should be easy for you to catch by now. JangFett (Talk) 19:25, February 13, 2011 (UTC)
    • All of the objections above should be fixed or at least clarified. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:19, February 23, 2011 (UTC)
      • Lee, please make comments directly below the objection if there's quite a few. It's easier for me to go through each one and help give feedback when needed. I think I mentioned this to you before. JangFett (Talk) 19:54, February 23, 2011 (UTC)
Xd1358
  • "Around 21 BBY, he commanded several Venator-class Star Destroyers served at he served in the Battle of Ryloth, defending the planet's inhabitants from a Separatist invasion." Makes no sense.
  • I'd like to second Jang. You really should know what is required from a GA. Please proofread your work. 1358 (Talk) 18:30, February 13, 2011 (UTC)
QGJ
  • "While requesting assistance from Jedi Masters Obi-Wan Kenobi and Mace Windu, the Confederate blockade managed to destroy Dao's flagship's shields." This reads as though it was the blockade that requested assistance.
    • Fixed.
  • That's all I could find that Jang and Xd haven't already spotted. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 22:30, February 19, 2011 (UTC)
Anyone else think he looks like Christian Bale?
  • "On the ground, Di and Captain Keeli, with the help of Twi'lek resistance fighter Cham Syndulla, battled Confederate battle droids, while Dao and his fleet fought the Confederate blockade in space." Okay, so what did the clones end up doing? You should add a little something about how the clone troopers fought on the ground too, not just these three.
    • Sorry to butt in, but this article should be focused on Dao's pov, as it is his article, not Imma gonna die and the clones on the planet's surface. Hope that helps. JangFett (Talk) 23:33, February 19, 2011 (UTC)
      • Eh, no worries. But the same goes for Dao too. It wasn't just him who fought the blockade, right? I reworded the objection to be more relevant. Bonslywizard Naboo (Send a transmission) 14:39, February 21, 2011 (UTC)
  • "On the ground, Di and Captain Keeli, with the help of Twi'lek resistance fighter Cham Syndulla, battled Confederate battle droids, while Dao and his fleet fought the Confederate blockade in space."Okay, so what did the clones end up doing? You need to add a little something about how the clones helped up in space, not just Dao.

...And that's it! You know, I was gonna try to nom this, but whatev. You can have it. :P Bonslywizard Naboo (Send a transmission) 23:27, February 19, 2011 (UTC)

Toprawa
  • Intro objections first. Can we link to or otherwise create an article for Dao's Star Destroyer? "Dao was killed during the battle when his Star Destroyer was destroyed..." Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:37, March 2, 2011 (UTC)
  • If the character is mentioned in the episode guide, which he is, that needs to be included in the Sources list. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:39, March 2, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Remaining outstanding objections unaddressed after two weeks. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:23, March 9, 2011 (UTC)
  2. ACvote JangFett (Talk) 18:26, March 9, 2011 (UTC)
  3. ACvote 1358 (Talk) 20:03, March 9, 2011 (UTC)