Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Dannl Faytonni/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Dannl Faytonni

(+5)

Support

  1. Thefourdotelipsis 06:32, 31 March 2008 (UTC)
  2. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:52, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
  3. JMAS Hey, it's me! 20:51, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
  4. —Tommy9281(Lússë i Morë Hwesta súya!) 18:44, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
  5. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:27, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

Object

  1. The year was 1981...
  • In the opening, you say, "Though he was now on the run from the law, and his hopes had been dashed, Faytonni decided to make a living as a con artists." "Artists" should not be plural.
    • Fixed, though could have easily been done on your own without the objection. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 16:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
      • Not in the business of "fixing" what I think is wrong with someone else's nom.
        • It takes far less effort just to fix something rather than typing it out as an objection, and even the most stringent reviewers fix a lot of things themselves. Also, WP:BOLD. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:28, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
  • In the second paragraph of the opening, you say, "Upon reaching the capital, the partners in crime were arrested and detained at CoCo Penitentiary, but not for long." I would have said Galactic capital, as just capital is misleading.
    • Coruscant is the established capital of the Republic and is mentioned in the end of the previous sentence. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 16:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
      • Apparently you missed the point. You & I know Coruscant is the Galactic capital, but to someone who may not know, this could be misleading. A simple addition of the word "Galactic" would suffice.
  • In the first sentence of the first paragraph of "Confidence trickster", you say, "Hoping to escape Corellia, Faytonni enlisted the services of his friend, Achk Med-Beq." You've mentioned Achk Med-Beq, before, but offered no explanation as to who he was other than being Faytonni's friend. please tell a little more about Med-Beq.
    • No more to tell, other than adding "fellow con artist" which I did. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 16:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
  • You also talk about "confidence tricks", but you never explain what these are. Please describe exactly what confidence tricks are, and pipelink if necessary.
    • You didn't ask for an explanation of con artist. Confidence tricks are what con artists do. Same thing as saying "A con", which would be redundant to say that. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 16:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
  • Same section, second paragraph: You say, "Masquerading as a Lieutenant, Faytonni joined Med-Beq at the Outlander Club, seeking profitable marks, such as Whimper Save and Ayy Vida. One target was Oakie Dokes, the Swokes Swokes."
    • What are "profitable marks"?
      • Marks that would make them a profit. Again, seems pretty self-descriptive. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 16:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
  • Who or what are Whimper Save, Ayy Vida, Oakie Dokes & the Swokes Swokes?
    • They are the potential aforementioned profitable marks. They are individuals. I suppose you you mention that Whimper Save was a human and Ayy Vida was a Twi'lek, but that seems unnecessary. And it already says that Oakie Dokes is of the Swokes Swokes species. What else do you have in mind? - JMAS Hey, it's me! 16:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
      • I wasn't sure at first if they were people, hence the request for brief explanation. And, the sentence where you claim that it says Oakie Dokes is of the Swokes Swokes species reads as follows: "One target was Oakie Dokes, the Swokes Swokes". Maybe you meant to stick an "of" between "Dokes," and "the", but it sounds like a nickname based on the sentence.
  • Same section, second paragraph: You say, "The pair had seen Dokes' macabre art, and approached her with an offer of sponsoring her artistic endevaours." What was her macabre art? Endeavors was also spelled wrong.
    • Again, the spelling could have easily been fixed instead of objecting. This isn't about her or her art, so elaboration on her art isn't necessary. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 16:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
      • Again, Not in the business of "fixing" what I think is wrong with someone else's nom.
  • Same section, third paragraph: You say, "Faytonni never med Magaloof during these operations, in the hope that they would be able to con the Leffingite out of a considerable amount of valuables."
    • The sentence is hard to comprehend.
      • It's explained by the next sentence. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 16:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
        • You missed the point. "Faytonni never med Magaloof..." Did you mean "met"?
  • Who or what is the Leffingite? This is the second mention of this individual, though no explanation was ever given as to who they are. Please explain.
    • Leffingite is the species to which Megaloof belonged. As to who he was, it was explained in the first sentence of that paragraph - "the aspiring criminal" - JMAS Hey, it's me! 16:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
      • The way you have it worded is such that Leffingite seems like a separate individual from Magaloof is all. I would just reword it.

—Tommy9281(Lússë i Morë Hwesta súya!) 15:31, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

  1. Toprawa:
    • Should make some kind of mention in addition to his business in the Outlander's Club that he was present when Kenobi and Skywalker chased Zam Wessel inside there, he witnessed them, etc. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:20, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
      • That's not actually relevant to Faytonni's story, though. Would Kenobi's biography say that Faytonni was there, looking for cons? Thefourdotelipsis 01:29, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
        • We wouldn't include it in Kenobi's biography, but it would be pertinent to include it here. The difference lies in the notability of the individuals. Two Jedi like Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker barging into a crowded Coruscant cantina and brandishing a lightsaber is of notable repute; there is IU significance here. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:21, 27 April 2008 (UTC)

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