Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Confederate–Republic peace conference

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Confederate–Republic peace conference

  • Nominated by: Darth Pythonis CIS roundel (Talk) 03:20, September 7, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: First ever meeting between the CIS and the Republic, until ruined by Lux...

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 02:05, November 4, 2013 (UTC)
  2. ACvote I guess I'll get to Season 4 sometime in 2017 or so. 1358 (Talk) 14:38, November 6, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Ayrehead02 (talk) 01:50, December 27, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Ecks Dee
  • Lacking context and linking throughout the article.
    • Changed the article with more context, linking and more additions.
      • Still lacking. "There was a peace conference that took place on the neutral planet Mandalore between representatives of the Galactic Republic and the Confederacy of Independent Systems in an effort to end the pan-galactic conflict." Planet isn't linked. What conflict are you talking about? This context issue is present throughout the article. Let me know if you need examples. 1358 (Talk) 13:27, September 11, 2013 (UTC)
        • I believe that this issue has now been resolved as far as context goes. But if you see anything else, I'll be happy to change it. Darth Pythonis CIS roundel (Talk) 20:19, September 20, 2013 (UTC)
          • Going to mention specific instances below. 1358 (Talk) 10:14, September 21, 2013 (UTC)
  • Split up the History into Prelude, The conference, and Aftermath.
    • Done.
  • More to come later. 1358 (Talk) 10:22, September 8, 2013 (UTC)
  • "Before the delegates could further discuss their discussion" Discuss a discussion sounds awkward. Please reword.
    • Done
  • Context on Lux Bonteri in the intro.
    • Done
  • Context for Dooky in the intro.
    • Done
  • In fact, I think you could expand the intro a bit in general.
    • More expanded now.
      • IMO it could still be fleshed up a bit. 1358 (Talk) 18:12, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
        • I'm sorry, but what else is there to add to the intro that's already not in there?
    • Moving on to prelude: "Around 22 BBY,[9] the first year of war" What war? Remember, the body should work standalone, meaning anything contextified in the intro needs context again.
    • Done
  • Who is the Banking Clan? Context needed.
    • Fixed
  • Whose Senate? Needs context.
    • Fixed
  • Who are the Separatists? Make it clear that they are the Republic's enemy in the war.
    • Fixed
  • "that prevents Republic senators from communicating with Separatist politicians" Present tense. Please reword.
    • Done
  • Going to continue with the Conference section when these have been addressed. I recommend you read through the prelude, as there are a few instances of poor wording and grammatical errors. Let me know if you need them pointed out.1358 (Talk) 10:14, September 21, 2013 (UTC)
    • I think I addressed all of the errors for this section, but if there is anything else, then I'll fix it. Darth Pythonis CIS roundel (Talk) 22:37, October 5, 2013 (UTC)
  • "during a debate over a bill to deregulate the Muun-controlled InterGalactic Banking Clan in a Republic Senate session, Naboo Senator Padmé Amidala argued that the Senate's concern should not be continuing the war, but instead ending it peacefully—through possible negotiations with the Galactic Republic's current enemy, the Confederacy of Independent Systems." I don't think "Muun-controlled" is a good context. However, you could instead make it clearer that they are an ally of the CIS and simultaneously introduce CIS earlier on as the Republic's enemy in the war.
    • Fixed
  • "was met with rancor and shouts from fellow senators who wanted the war to continue an immediate vote on the financial reform bill" I think you forgot a word somewhere. "who wanted the war to continue an immediate vote" is weird. 1358 (Talk) 18:12, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
Spandex Jackets
  • "While discussing about the prospect of the ongoing war, Padmé convinced her old friend that the Galactic Senate would be open to negotiations if the Separatist Congress were to extend the olive branch first. " - A tad informal.
    • Fixed
  • " Though protocol dictates that Bonteri's arrest is strictly a Confederacy affair, and the Republic cannot intervene on his behalf, Amidala does allow Padawan Tano to discreetly follow." - Tense issues.
    • Fixed
  • "hough the episode briefly stated that the negotiations broke down, it wasn't until Mon Mothma's entry in the Encyclopedia that further explained that the meeting fell through due to obstructions from covert interests on both sides. " - Should be a ref rather than a pipelink.
    • Fixed
  • "And that's all I have to say... to you." Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 05:43, October 21, 2013 (UTC)
Ayrehead
  • The collapse of the conference should surely be included in the conference section of the article instead of the aftermath section. Ayrehead02 (talk) 21:07, November 20, 2013 (UTC)
    • Fixed
  • In the intro you say "Before the delegates could further discuss the terms of peace", but do not mention that they had actually started discussing it at the point when Lux barged in. Ayrehead02 (talk) 21:07, November 20, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • A few preliminaries. First, please take note of the current policy regarding the capitalization of ranks. In particular, I think there's one instance of "Senator" that needs to be decapped, so please check the article.
  • I think it would be helpful to create a "Notable participants" section or something like that, to detail information about the delegates involved in the conference. I realize that the portion of the conference seen in "A Friend in Need" was rather limited, but for individuals like Amidala, Mothma, and Organa, it would be helpful to explain their views toward peace and the war itself, from episodes like "Heroes on Both Sides," "Pursuit of Peace," "Senate Murders," and other material. (I'm also thinking that Voe Atell's one line from "Heroes on Both Sides" would be relevant to mention in this "Notable participants" section.) I realize that a section like this will probably put the article over 1,000 words after it's completed, but for a monumental event like this, I think the article really deserves one. Please see what you can do and let me know if you need any help. CC7567 (talk) 18:47, December 26, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Idle objections two weeks old. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 23:10, January 10, 2014 (UTC)
  2. ACvote 1358 (Talk) 23:38, January 10, 2014 (UTC)
    • I'm really sorry for the lack of time I had to fix the objections. Can I please have this weekend until Monday to complete the idle objections? Darth Pythonis CIS roundel (Talk) 00:02, January 11, 2014 (UTC)
      • As long as they're completed by then. There are enough GANs needing attention as it is, so those nominations that are lagging behind won't be spared next time. CC7567 (talk) 06:19, January 11, 2014 (UTC)
        • Just leaving the memo: weekend has passed. I see you've made a couple edits since but it would be nice to hear it from you. ;) Winterz (talk) 16:07, January 13, 2014 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Winterz (talk) 00:26, January 14, 2014 (UTC)