Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Cham Syndulla/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Cham Syndulla

  • Nominated by: CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 03:04, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: First GA nom pour moi, and second nomination for FAs/GAs overall.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Not bad. A pretty good read on an interesting subject. IFYLOFD (Come with me if you want to live.) 18:57, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
  2. PIE Kilson Likes PIE 19:16, 29 March 09 (UTC)
  3. Per review below. —Lucius malfoy7 Nute777 (Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents!) 21:00, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Graestan(Talk) 19:42, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Cylka-talk- 00:04, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 09:45, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD
    • In the intro: "Before the Clone Wars began, Syndulla held tensions with the Republic, specifically with Ryloth's Twi'lek Senator, Orn Free Taa." Why?
      • Addressed. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Add context to the "droid forces" mentioned in the intro.
    • "While Syndulla did not trust Taa, Taa himself believed that Syndulla sought to gain power on Ryloth, thus disbanding the democracy that Taa represented in the Senate, and Syndulla's favoritism and reputation among the Twi'lek people." Break this up and/or reword to make it flow better.
    • "While Argente and Artruk conferred, Syndulla and fellow Twi'lek Voyla spied on the pair." Why were they spying? Was it because they thought war was coming? Clarify.
      • Addressed. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • "However, Techno Union Foreman Wat Tambor and Separatist Council member had also been spying on Argente, and ordered Ryloth moved to top priority for a Confederacy invasion." Why would them spying result in them moving Ryloth to top priority? Explain.
      • Addressed. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Is there any info on how Syndulla's freedom fighters came together? Were they some of his admirers/followers who decided to fight?
      • Added. (Although it's a bit more "deductive reasoning" than fact, since I couldn't find a direct mention.) --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • "Syndulla was at first reluctant to ally himself, still keeping his previous political lashes with Senator Taa in mind, but after Commander Ponds reported to Windu that the Separatists had begun a campaign of destroying many Twi'lek villages, Syndulla agreed to negotiate with Taa." Break up and/or reword.
      • Addressed. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Context needed for Commander Ponds.
    • Context needed for the clone army mentioned in Alliance with the Republic.
    • "On the way in, Stak passed a Blurrg,[4] and it snapped at him. Syndulla translated for his second in command, Tae Boon, that the animals were faster than the clones' "riding machines", to which the clone doubted." Is this really relevant?
      • I wasn't sure, but it was one of the few ways I could mention Tae Boon. I removed it and mentioned Boon later in the article. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Context needed for Anakin.
    • "Despite the deactivation of the bridge, Windu used the Force to Force-push Stak and Razor to the other side, while he himself used an STAP to get across." Is this relevant? This article is about Syndulla, not about the battle itself.
      • Reworded: "Windu and the clones managed to get across, although the bridge was deactivated once more." It's less centered around the battle, but I kept the part about the bridge's deactivation. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • P&T could use expansion.
      • Expanded; hope it's sufficient. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • IFYLOFD (Come with me if you want to live.) 05:13, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for your review; hopefully the article is getting better. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
  2. Kilson's thoughts
    • You should put it during the Clone Wars when you mention Wat Tambor invading Ryloth in the intro
      • Addressed. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • You might want to give little more context about the Battle of Ryloth before Windu met with Syndulla. Just mention that Anakin's fleet destroyed the Separatist blockade fleet and that General Kenobi's forces were able to take the small town of Nabat.
      • I don't think it needs to be said; the article is about Syndulla, not about the battle. The Battle of Ryloth article is linked at least twice if people wish to read more. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • There is something wrong with your fifth reference. Are you trying to reference the Liberty on Ryloth Episode Guide?
      • Thanks; didn't notice that. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Other than that, seems pretty awesome. Not as awesome as PIE though :-) Kilson Likes PIE 12:35, 29 March 09 (UTC)
      • I would have to argue that Pi is better. --CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
        • You don't even need to argue, PIE is better that anything. Kilson Loves PIE 19:16, 29 March 09 (UTC)
  3. Lucius's Look
    • Luckily not many things need to be fixed. Here are a few minor grammar/wording things that could use some help:
      • ...mistrusted him because he believed him to be lazy. Needs rewording and I'm not sure if its grammatically correct.
        • Addressed. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 04:10, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
      • As much as I love quotes, you've got an extra one in that article. I'd either make a new subsection (probably not... laugh) or remove one quote. You could also put it in the behind the scenes section, and have the description being: "Mace Windu portraying Syndulla as a freedom fighter as opposed to a villain."
        • Urgh...was trying to use it, so I subconsciously placed it there. It wouldn't fit in the Bts, since it doesn't have any relation to it, so I removed it altogether. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 04:10, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
      • A page from the "Ballad of Cham Syndulla". The Ballad of Cham Syndulla is an in-universe song, but saying that its the pages from an OOU (not perspective, just saying that a comic book is) comic book could be better worded.
        • Addressed. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 04:10, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
      • After these are addressed, I will be ready to pledge my support. —Lucius malfoy7 Nute777 (Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents!) 20:49, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
  4. The part in the Bts, "The word "cham" means "lout" in Polish" is irreclevant unless you can prove that it was a purposeful choice by the writers. The statement itself is also unsourced, for that matter. Anyway, if you cannot source that it was a speaking name on purpose, it needs to be removed as Original Research. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 06:34, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
    • Removed; I'm not even sure who put it there in the first place. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 06:42, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
  5. Cylka:
    • I think that there are too many images in this article. One less image would work much better. My suggestion is to remove the Gobi image, since I feel that it illustrates the least, but it is completely up to you.
      • Addressed. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
        • Good job. I just moved the images around a little bit to evenly distribute them. However, if you aren't happy with the new layout, please change it back.
          • Looks fine to me; thanks. CC7567 20px-Rex.png (talk) 18:37, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
    • Syndulla resolved his issues with Senator Taa, and helped Windu to retake the city - What did the resolution of tensions have to do with helping Windu?
      • Addressed; hope it sounds better. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • Syndulla held tensions with the Republic, specifically with - This reads a bit awkwardly, and I would suggest changing the wording a bit.
      • Reworded. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • Again The tensions were specifically held against and Syndulla sought to gain power on Ryloth, thus disbanding the democracy that read a bit awkwardly and the meanig of what you would like to get across is lost a bit.
      • Addressed. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • While Argente and Artruk conferred, Syndulla and fellow Twi'lek Voyla spied on the pair, watching another outlander coming to steal from their planet. - This is a bit unclear. Did they think that Argente was there to steal from them, or someone else? Please clarify.
      • Addressed. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • I think it would work better if you introduced Lightening Squadron and Ponds before you talk about Windu going to the freedom fighter's hideout with Stak and Razor.
    • Windu took Razor and Stak to infiltrate a MTT carrying Tambor's treasures, and get into the city via the bridge, while Ponds, Syndulla and Tae Boon, Syndulla's second-in-command,[5] led the forces. Once the Jedi and the two clones were detected by battle droids with scanners, Syndulla and Ponds attacked the droids. Windu and the clones managed to get across - The progression of events is a bit unclear here. What forces was Syndulla et al. leading? What did the battle droids detecting Windu and the clones have to do with all of this? Were they still in the MTT? Please clarify this a bit more.
      • Addressed; I think it sounds better with including the plan before saying what actually happened. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • Syndulla was a role model to the people he led, and possessed great leadership skills - Is there an example you could add to illustrate this a bit more?
      • Hope it's sufficient; if not, I'll try to expand it more. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • He also held influence among the Twi'lek people; Voyla's agreement with Syndulla's views about Taa is a possible example of Syndulla's influence. - Is it specified that Syndulla influenced Voyla? If not, this is OR/Speculation.
    • Cham Syndulla first appeared in the web comic Covetous,[2] but was not identified till a later appearance. - Please specify this "later appearance" in the sentence.
      • Addressed. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • Please take care of these objections, and I'll look over the article again. Cylka-talk- 21:10, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • The last objection I have is that you need to fit in that Cham Syndulla was a male Twi'lek from Ryloth into the beginning of the Biography. Right now, it is information that is exclusive to the intro. Other than that, good work. Cylka-talk- 09:06, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
      • Geesh...I really forgot that; added. Thanks. CC7567 20px-Rex.png (talk) 18:37, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 09:45, 7 May 2009 (UTC)