Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Calo Nord

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Calo Nord

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:17, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Hope it passes.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Pre-nom reviewed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 23:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
  2. Smart. MauserComlink 18:36, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 10:24, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Good work, Jedi. CC7567 (talk) 22:31, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Grunny (Talk) 10:56, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Attack of the Clone
    • The intro currently seems rather disproportionate to his history; the intro is currently half the size of the history section. Please see if you can cut it down some. Notably, his activity on Taris can be shortened as a whole.
      • The intro can still be cut down. Ask yourself this when trying to decide to keep a detail: is it necessary for the reader to gain the most basic understanding of the character? If the answer is no, then it shouldn't go in. Please note that not every event Nord is involved with requires a mention. At most, the intro should be two paragraphs with the article's current length; the intro's length is one third of that compared to the article. CC7567 (talk) 21:25, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
        • Got it. Take a look at it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:48, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
    • "When he was no longer one of the hunted, he became one of the hunters" I understand the embellishment, but it's not appropriate to the article as formal writing; please change.
      • I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
        • No, it's still there; just reword it in general.
    • "When the Sith began to bombard Taris, Nord and Kang tried to kill Shan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo—who was Nord's rival—and the amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan when they tried to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk." This sentence is very confusing; please check again.
      • Try it now. I rearranged the second paragraph, and I think I made it clear that it was Shan, Onasi, Ordo, and Revan who were stealing the Ebon Hawk, the original version just said "they".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:07, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
        • I put this down instead: Shan and her companions—the amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo—attempted to steal Kang's flagship. I removed the "who was one of Kang's employees", and the "former Sith Lord and amnesiac soldier".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:57, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
    • It says in the intro that several people put the bounty on his head, while in the body it's only one.
    • "She, the former Sith Lord and amnesiac soldier Revan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo—who was also one of Kang's employees—attempted to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk so that they could escape Taris." Unclear; please reword.
      • I did put "Shan and her companions" down, but I think that who her companions were is important.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:07, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
        • Well, now context for Revan is missing. I think you can say that Revan was a Sith Lord and leave it at that; anything more will disrupt the flow. It was mainly the multiple contexts for Revan that bothered me because it made it unclear. CC7567 (talk) 18:48, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
          • That's cause I created two sections, "Battle of Taris" and "Endgame", the 2nd paragraph has the context on who Revan was.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:25, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
          • I think I've taken care of this. That whole paragraph isn't there, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:58, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
    • "to take everyone down with him" makes it sound like he was descending into somewhere; reword please.
      • I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "and told the Sith Lord, along with the Sith Admiral Saul Karath": Unclear whether the admiral was addressing the Sith Lord with Nord or was part of the audience.
      • I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "and to capture Shan alive, if possible": unclear whether if he wanted to capture Shan alive, "if possible," or whether he wanted to capture Shan "if possible."
      • I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
        • No, it's still unclear.
    • "Nord and a group of thugs": can "thugs" be replaced (in all places it appears) by something less colloquial and more specific?
      • What else could I really call them? I can't call them mercenaries because they weren't, same deal with boubty hunters.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:35, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
        • If I might intrude and propose synonyms: They were enforcers, minions, henchmen (henchbeings?), [professional] criminals, subordinates, followers. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:55, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
          • Thanks for the suggestion, Skippy Farlstendoiro. Put "henchman" down instead of thugs.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:40, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "Nord gave the former Sith Lord credit for leading him on quite a chase": too colloquial.
      • How about this? Nord told Revan that he gave him credit for leading him on quite a chase, however, Nord said him that no one could escape him in the end.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:03, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
        • It's the dialogue, mostly; that and the following sentence are a bit distracting from the events. Try to see if you can shorten it a tad. CC7567 (talk) 15:58, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
          • Please try and fix this; the dialogue is still detracting from the flow of events. CC7567 (talk) 21:25, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
            • OK, put this down: Nord gave Revan credit for evading him, however, Nord stated that no one could escape him in the end.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:54, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
    • "When Revan tried to get Nord to agree to a deal": please replace "get", as it's too colloquial. Also, what was the deal?
      • I replaced it with this: When Revan asked Nord if they could work out a deal so as to avoid fighting,. How's that?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:43, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Why is Nord's species and gender all the way down in the P&T instead of at the beginning of the body?
    • First sentence of the P&T is rather POV-oriented; please try to reword.
      • This is from his entry in the databank, however.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "Nord's loyalty was to hard credits, and sometimes, to the thrill of the hunt.": please try to reword.
      • I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
        • It's still just too confusing, and the embellishment isn't working. Please just remove this and reword the sentence. CC7567 (talk) 16:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
          • Except this is also stated in the databank's entry on him, so I can't just ignore it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
            • The DB entries aren't necessary good formal writing. In this case, the embellishment isn't working because it's making the sentence too confusing. Find a different way to state it. What did this loyalty mean? CC7567 (talk) 23:54, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
              • Adjusted it to "whoever had the most credits".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:30, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
    • I'll take another look after these are addressed. CC7567 (talk) 20:05, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
  2. One:
    • On his sixteenth birthday, he killed his slave masters and murdered his parents. - Databank says he murdereds his parents after the slavers, but not exactly on the same day.
    • You should state that he was taking assignments from everybody as long as he was paid. Both in the intro and the bio. The fact that he worked for the Republic in the Core should be mentioned as well.
    • You say that Revan, Canderous, Carth and Bastila were all trying to steal the Ebon Hawk, while in the game only Revan and Canderous are required to be present at that moment, and only one other party member is accompanying them. Need to clarify both in the intro and the body.
      • This is where it gets tricky. Yes, you can only have one party member, but Karath clearly tells Malak that Shan was aided by Carth Onasi, and when he introduces Nord to Malak, he says that he was there when Bastila and Carth escaped the planet. I feel that this overrides the game mechanics, but incase it doesn't I just mentioned Shan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
        • Ah, get it now. How about you explain all this in an additional reference?
          • Use same <ref> tags, but instead of a link to a source, just type a text with a clarification.
            • Take a look at it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:04, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
              • I choose to rewod it myself, please check if it's okay with you.
    • Unsourced paragraph in the P&T.
    • "He also carried four stun grenades and two thermal detonators... Nord carried 2,000 credits on his person." - sounds a lot like game mechanics. Needs serious tweaking.
      • I believe I've taken care of this. Since the exact amount of grenades and detonators is stated in the campaign guide, I couldn't ignore it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
        • Better now.
    • Optional: If you use Mission quote about Iridian Plague, I suggest you mention it somewhere in the body as well. In that case you will also need to create the respective article.
      • Huh? What respective article, since it already exists?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
        • Well, I decided not to wait and created the article myself. I also removed a link from a quote.
    MauserComlink 08:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
  3. Two:
    • I noticed that you have no content whatsoever about the fact that Revan infiltrated Kang's base and that Nord was present there during the Destruction of Taris. Also, please check if Nord had any dialogue with Revan or Canderous in a scene where Davik shows Revan his temporary apartments. MauserComlink 06:45, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
        • Now it looks like you put too much content in those two paragraphs. You definitely don't have to retell every single line of dialogue for example - just mention that Calo was taunting Canderous and drop everything else. Also, you describe the tour of the Davik's estate (irrelevant in content to Nord) but forgot to mention that Revan was pretending to be part of the Exchange in the first place. See what you can do about it. MauserComlink 15:16, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
          • Try it now. (I meant to put his down yesterday)--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:53, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
  4. Second attack
    • Next time, please check overlinking and underlinking in the article; I noticed (and fixed) both in my second copyedit.
      • Got it. Will try to do in future.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:08, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
    • "Revan watched Nord kill two Rodians who had a bounty on their heads": the subject/plural agreement isn't quite working here; please check this. Also, was it specified that Nord killed them for the bounties on their heads?
      • This is what I put down: Revan watched Nord kill two Rodians so that he could collect their bounties. When Revan enters the complex, Nord makes it clear to the Rodians that he's going to kill them for the bounty.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:08, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
    • Please try to reword "cut down"; it's not very clear.
    • Other than that, it looks fine. CC7567 (talk) 19:46, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
  5. Grunny:
    • Intro: "then tracked down and murdered", "to track down and capture", "tracked down and confronted" This is a little repetitive try to mix it up.
    • Early life and bounty hunter: "Nord would always find his prey, and he showed them no mercy, ignoring pleas and bribes." I think this is more suited to the P&t.
    • Third paragraph of the "Battle of Taris" section: Three sentences in a row all start the same, try to mix it up. "When Revan broke...", "When Ordo introduced...", and "When Ordo retorted...".
    • Endgame: "Malak hired Nord, albeit for a hefty fee, to track down and kill Revan and his companions and capture Shan." Too many "and"s in quick succession, can rework this?
    • You have an image of his miniatures figure and yet no mention of it in the Bts.
    • No objection here, just a note for future noms: Watch your comma usage. When joining two thoughts into a single sentence by using a conjunction, a comma should only be used if both parts of the sentence can stand alone as complete sentences. Also, avoid overuse of "then".
      • Alright, I'll keep that in mind.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:37, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
    • Grunny (Talk) 04:04, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I'll take care of these objections as soon as I can, in a matter of a few days.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:21, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
  • By the way, if you notice that the context for Carth says he's a commander, sccording to the KotOR campaign guide, he is, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
  • Kasra, I'll take another look soon when I get the chance. CC7567 (talk) 23:07, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 10:56, 1 July 2009 (UTC)