Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Caled Galfridian

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Caled Galfridian

Nominated by: PointGiven ^{(But...it was so artistically done...)} 03:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
Nomination comments: Part of my Galfridian Project

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

JangFett ^Talk 15:27, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
Nayayentalk 21:43, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Fett
- ~~Intro needs a major expansion~~
- ~~I see a lot of play by play detail that is not needed. Try to go back and remove any irrelevant information, or just minor details.~~
- Like Finn, I see a lot of underlinking problems. Any new subject that appears in the intro and main body, in this case his bio, must be linked. i.e, Hoth or Rebel Alliance. During my copyedit, I linked a couple of subjects.
- "They were herded into a Yuuzhan Vong slaveship and imprisoned." Merge this with the previous sentence and identify "they".
- "Caled ruled an idyllic planet that was so peaceful that it did not even possess a rudimentary defense force." "they" is repetitive. Also, try to reword this sentence. "that was so peace that it did not even possess a rudimentary defense force". Quite confusing, possibly it is the repetition of "they"
- "The king and his rushed towards the marketplace to find Caled's wife Nina and daughter Kaye." "the king and his rushed"? Reword
- ~~P&T-"However, Caled also showed responsibility towards his people." Try to mention this eariler in the P&T.~~
- P&T-"When the Yuuzhan Vong invaded Artorias, Caled's first action was to rush to the marketplace in order to save his wife and daughter. He personally ordered the Artorians in the marketplace to retreat to the hangar, and once inside, set about organizing a defense. When Luke Skywalker gave him the opportunity to evacuate the planet, Caled refused. He cited his duty as king to keep Artorias safe and wished to look for any signs of his wife and daughter. The king then organized a strike force to attack the Yuuzhan Vong directly." This paragraph just restates what happened in the bio. It is not needed in the P&T.
- JangFett ^Talk 16:42, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
  - I think I got it all PointGiven ^{(But...it was so artistically done...)} 23:47, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
    - ~~More to come.~~ JangFett ^Talk 00:46, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
      - Try it now PointGiven ^{(But...it was so artistically done...)} 04:14, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
      - Addressed PointGiven ^{(But...it was so artistically done...)} 21:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
        After reviewing it for a second time, everything looks good :) JangFett ^Talk 15:27, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
Nayayen is liking Invasion
- ~~Yet again (and worse than your others), linking issues. It seems to be a common objection to your noms so please do ask if you want some help.~~
  - I got what I could find, but I admit I do need some help so feel free to edit if you find any others (or just inform me and I'll take care of it)
    - There were only a few left. I fixed a few sp/grammar errors also. Nayayentalk 21:43, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
- ~~Can you mention Dulac anywhere?~~
  - Addressed
- ~~The flow and general grammar in the P&T is all over the place. Go through with a fine-toothed comb.~~
  - Addressed
- ~~"Powers and abilities" is only for Force sensitives. Use "Skills and abilities" for Caled.~~
  - Addressed
- "using both of these to great effect" With regards to the thermal detonators, Finn said that they didn't have much effect.
- Not quite as well-written as Finn but a good read nonetheless.Nayayentalk 19:43, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
  - Thanks PointGiven ^{(But...it was so artistically done...)} 21:10, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
- There's a lot of intro-exclusive info, including his service in the Battle of Hoth, and the bio is reading like a summary of the issue with absolutely no background info. Please fix this.
- "The last time the strike team was seen, they were engaging the Yuuzhan Vong in the surf." Seen by who? This sentence isn't being written from the right perspective; it needs to be focused on Caled, not anyone else.
- Next time, please double-check the Manual of Style and Layout Guide. Per the latter, your "See also" section was unneeded because it was already linked in the article. CC7567 ^(talk) 19:02, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

After thinking it over I agree with CC7567 and Mauser and I'll withdraw both Finn and Caled Galfridian from GA nominations until Invasion either finishes or goes on hiatus. PointGiven ^{(But...it was so artistically done...)} 21:11, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

Again, per nominator's request above to wait until the article is more stable with less frequent appearances. CC7567 ^(talk) 06:46, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
Per nominator's request. Jonjedigrandmaster ^{(Jedi Beacon)} 14:38, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
Graestan^(Talk) 18:28, September 9, 2009 (UTC)