Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/CT-9/85

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

CT-9/85

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. NAYAYEN:TALK 12:51, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
  2. JangFett (Talk) 18:52, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 18:40, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:17, May 9, 2010 (UTC)
  5. -- 1358 (Talk) 18:26, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:27, May 10, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Fett
    • You mention Kenobi and Fisto's mission, but you never clarify on what the mission was about. Sentences like these: "Fisto and Kenobi were ultimately able to end their mission successfully." "in order to support a mission carried out by Jedi Masters Kit Fisto and Obi-Wan Kenobi on the planet's surface" Can get confusing.
      • That would be too much context. This guy just appears very briefly at one page and I don't think that this context should be in there.
        • Regardless; a brief mention on what the mission was about would clarify the problem.
          • Added it in the bio, but not in the intro. OK ? Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:41, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
            • If you mentioned that information bit in the bio, why wouldn't you mention it in the intro?
    • Lee, please try to give your articles a copy-edit on your own. While it's fine to ask others to give it a look over, you should at least try, as it is your own article that you have written. JangFett (Talk) 20:54, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
      • I'll try to do this in the future, but normally I do it. Thanks for your review. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:39, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
  2. The Grand Master
    • "After a clone trooper training session on Vandor-3, the Nexu was sent to Ord Cestus in order to support a mission of stopping the production of JK-13 security droids involving Jedi Masters Kit Fisto and Obi-Wan Kenobi." This sentence is worded poorly; whose mission this actually is, and exactly what they're doing is ambiguous. Do you mean Kenobi and Fisto were involved with the production of the droids?
      • Splitted and clarified.
    • "received a transmission from the planet from a clone who had accompanied Fisto and Kenobi" This is confusing, as you imply earlier that CT-9/85 had joined the Jedi. Please specify that this was one of the original clones to accompany the Jedi, and that CT-9/85 was in orbit (this will be easier once the above sentence is fixed).
      • See above.
    • No quotes? From what you say in the article, it sounds like CT-9/85 has some spoken lines. And perhaps could you also use Nate's order to CT-9/85 for orbital bombardment as a quote? Or maybe the Mon Calamari asking for the message?
      • There are two problems. First the quotes are not relevant to the characater and would be spare. And also I don't own the book in English so I would have to find a user who owns it. Suggestion ?
        • The quotes are relevant to CT-9/85 if they are said directly to him. Also, not having an English copy directly available to you is not an excuse to not include quotes. Please see if you can find someone who owns this novel to help you out. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 19:47, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
          • It was not an excuse just a statement. I asked CC. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:24, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
            • The point is that it is not acceptable to just leave quotes out when they are available, simply because you do not have access to the source. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 17:19, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
              • OK, I make it better next time. Added the quote (Thanks to CC). Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:24, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
                • The dialogue is very long—I see no reason that you can't leave part of it as the main quote and take another part for the bio quote, and maybe even take a line for the P/T, if it fits. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 18:01, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Shortly afterward, the Nexu was dispatched to the Outer Rim world Ord Cestus in order to support a mission of stopping the production of JK-13 security droids carried out by Jedi Masters Kit Fisto and Obi-Wan Kenobi on the planet's surface." Same thing as for the first sentence I mentioned in the intro.
      • Fixed.
    • "on priority sequence and informed Admiral Baraka." Informed him of what?
      • Fixed.
    • "The Mon Calamari went to CT-9/85 and asked for the message that was contained in the signal." This is confusing: why did the Mon Calamari have to go anywhere to talk to CT-9/85 (i.e. was he elsewhere on the ship)? If so, please clarify that this was so. And do you actually mean he asked for the message? Or did he ask for CT-9/85 to play the message, or maybe to decode it, or to transmit it, or something else?
      • Fixed.
    • "should change coordinates for an orbital bombardment" Why would they have to change coordinates? Were they already going to bombard somewhere else?
      • Fixed.
        • Please state sooner that the Nexu was already planning to go in for orbital bombardment. If they were already planning on bombarding somewhere else before CT-9/85 received the message, then please state that they were going to do so before you state that he received the signal. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 19:47, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
          • Fixed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:24, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
            • Firstly, the sentence you added is not grammatically correct. Secondly, it does not address the objection. You say that if the ground forces were to run into trouble, then the Nexu was to initiate orbital bombardment—but you never actually specify that they did run into trouble, and that they did call the Nexu for orbital bombardment. If you do not specify this, then it does not make sense that the Nexu would have to change the coordinates for the bombardment, because the reader wouldn't know that they had already been called to bombard somewhere else to begin with. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 17:19, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
    • "able to end their mission successfully." Was it not also CT-9/85 and the other clones' mission as well?
      • Fixed.
    • How do you know he was obedient? Again, just because he obeyed one order once doesn't mean that he was notably obedient. Also, does the source actually say that he was particularly skilled at his job?
      • Fixed.
    • Also, could the inro be shortened just a bit? It's a bit too long as is.
      • Shortened.
    • Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 21:27, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:27, May 10, 2010 (UTC)