Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/CT-65/91-6210

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

CT-65/91-6210

  • Nominated by: Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:25, June 18, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Part Two of my Execute Order 66 project

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 21:44, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:30, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 22:01, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
  4. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 08:13, July 12, 2010 (UTC)
  5. ACvote JangFett (Talk) 22:21, July 13, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Naru's taking a break
  • You can't source that he was born in 32 BBY from the Databank. There's no telling if he was in the first batch of clones.
    • Fixed.
  • Did he lead K Company as a Captain or a commander?
    • As captain.
      • Make that more speific in the first sentence of the intro. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 13:55, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
        • Fixed.
  • The first sentence is a bit of a run-on.
    • Intro or bio.
  • "During the battle, Deviss risked his life to protect two injured soldiers and was promoted to commander after being rescued by Republic troops." Why would he need rescuing and what was he protecting them from?
    • Fixed.
  • I'm not sure if you can make the generalization that all clones were birthed on Kamino.
    • Fixed.
  • "His men were rescued, and Deviss received an medal and a new command." Double "and." Do we know what the command was?
    • Fixed, no.
      • You should probably make a stub for it. "Deviss's command" or somesuch. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 13:55, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
        • Fixed.
  • "Deviss rallied the remaining companies, but he also destroyed a Separatist ion cannon emplacement, opening the battlefield to aerial bombardment and winning the battle for the Republic" Using "but" here makes the sentence feel like it was a negative act. Reword that.
    • Reworded.
  • "Deviss was ultimately loyal to the Empire" The Empire was only a thought to Palpatine at this point. I would fix this myself but I want to note that any loyalty clones showed by Order 66 was to Palpatine or, alternatively, the Republic.
    • Fixed.
  • Were his number and nickname revealed in the same source? If not, that should recieve a Bts mention.
    • Nope.
      • No change. Also, the first use of his numbers in the body should be sourced to the identifying material.
        • Sorry, I did not state it clearly. It was identified in the same source.
  • Also, now that I think about it, his numbers should be used for his name in the article. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 07:40, June 20, 2010 (UTC)
Xd1358
  • Bio is way too subsectioned. Merge the first and the second one into a section titled "Clone Wars" or something like that. -- 1358 (Talk) 14:55, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • Fixed. Thank you. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:57, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
      • The section is entitled "Early life and Geonosis", still it tells about "Later during the war...". Please change the section name as well as splitting the huge paragraph into two. -- 1358 (Talk) 18:01, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
Glorious Follower
  • There's no mention that Deviss was part of the Empire in Nem Bees's databank entry. Order 66 was executed before Palpatine reorganized the Republic into the Empire.
    • Fixed.
  • Lee, please watch out for linking to redirects or disambig pages. I've corrected quite a few alone in the intro and bio.
    • Roger.
  • Lee, you say Deviss was a captain early in his intro, but then you say he was promoted to commander. I know what you mean, but could you please correct this awkward mistake? You can say he was a captain prior to the Battle of Geonosis or something. Also, he wasn't promoted to commander much later, IIRC. In the intro, it sounds like he was promoted right away.
    • Fixed.
      • What about this commander promotion? That's fairly important enough to mention in the intro.
        • Fixed.
          • Please mention why he was promoted to commander after the battle.
            • Added.
  • The chronological events between being rescued and being promoted doesn't make sense. He wasn't promoted immediately after he'd been rescued.
    • But it is stated so in the CSWE.
      • This has been taken care of through multiple copy-edits.
  • "Deviss went on to fight on Altyr V and Cato Neimoidia" When? Also you need to specify what battle of Cato Neimoidia, as there was quite a few of them during the CW.
    • Fixed and not stated.
      • Have you checked other sources? It appears in the bio, you sourced a Cato Neimoidia mention to the CSWE. The First Battle, it seems.
        • Fixed.
          • In the future, try to pipe link conjectural titled articles, Lee.
  • "[...]like many clone troopers," Like many clone troopers? Lee, they were all clones of Jango.
    • Nope X1 and X2 weren't.
      • Regardless, please remove or change it. You can take a look at other clone FA or GAs to help you.
        • Fixed.
  • You mention Hawkbat Battalion in the bio, but failed to even mention how he became apart of it. You said he was only the leader of K Company.
    • Fixed.
  • You said multiple spider droids were shooting at Deviss in the intro, and in the bio you said only one. Which is correct?
    • Fixed.
      • Still remains
        • Fixed.
  • Context on casevac team.
    • None given.
      • Since I remember that CSWE entry, I added in "rescue." Please double check any source, Lee.
  • What was the "a new command" about?
    • Fixed.
      • Still remains
        • We don't know more.
          • Saying "a new command" without context is too confusing. Is there anyway you could reword it, mostly "command"
            • Please try.
  • In the CSWE, does it fully explain what Deviss did on Cato Neimoidia? Right now, it seems like a short summarized sentence.
    • Jep.
  • "which called for all clone troopers to execute their Jedi officer in the name of the Republic they "betrayed" Partly true, though could you correct this context for Order 66 for factual correctness?
    • Fixed.
  • "and Deviss cut down Bees as the Jedi led an assault on enemy lines." What do you mean by "cut down"?
    • Fixed.
  • "Only a week into the campaign, however, Order 66 was issued, and Deviss cut down Bees as the Jedi led an assault on enemy lines" That's the same exact text from the databank entry for Nem Bees, Lee. Please rewrite it.
  • Lee, I don't know if you copied the text or if it was an accident, but if you did it on purpose, don't do it again. That sort of stuff will result in a nice, very long ban. Again, it may not have been deliberate, but if it was, don't ever copy text again. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:28, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Fixed.
      • Check your grammar; also, I still see some wording that's still similiar.
  • I'm confused here, Lee, check the P&T. How many times was Deviss promoted? I thought only once, but you said he was promoted after his heroic efforts in Geonosis. The bio doesn't reflect on this. It only says he was given the rank of captain after being flash trained, and then Bly promoted him to commander later after the battle on Altyr V.
    • Fixed.
  • I'll give it another look. Also, kill those three redlinks. JangFett (Talk) 06:28, June 23, 2010 (UTC)
  • The article is missing slight information from the ROTS visual dictionary. I.e, polarized macrobinoculars JangFett (Talk) 01:43, July 11, 2010 (UTC)
    • Added. Clone Commander Lee Talk 08:56, July 11, 2010 (UTC)
      • That's not all. Please take a look at the visual dictionary once more. There's little bits of information that should be included in the equipment section itself. JangFett (Talk) 18:08, July 12, 2010 (UTC)
        • Eh. I've ot the pistols, the rifle, the kama, the macrobinoculars, his armor, the pauldron. That's all. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:27, July 13, 2010 (UTC)
          • I added the holster information. Also, in the future, please double check all sources. You shouldn't trust the only sources present in the article when you began to work on Deviss. It would be wise if you checked all sources from 2005 to present, or whatever year the subject was introduced. I spotted Deviss' picture in Galaxy of War today while searching for Boss information. JangFett (Talk) 22:21, July 13, 2010 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • I'm sorry, but I've removed the approved template in lieu of this objection. The BTS should explain the fact that the character evidently was first pictured in the ROTS Visual Dictionary before being given a name in the Insider article. As it stands now, the article completely ignores this chronological canonical development.
    • No need to excuse. This should be fixed now. Thanks for your review. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:33, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
      • I'm not going to mince words here, the BTS is written pretty poorly. Try rewriting it while focusing on ordering things according to the character's chronological development. Right now, the paragraph is extremely disjointed. I would suggest starting from scratch. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:00, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
        • Jang did an exceptional job of rewriting this paragraph for you--exactly what I was looking for. Take notes. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:47, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
  • Moreover, if he's in the ROTS Visual Dictionary, he's in the Complete Visual Dictionary too. This needs to be added to the Source list. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:58, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
    • Added.
  • And to tack this question on to the previous two objections as well, I'm confused how this character can appear in the ROTS Visual Dictionary but not be in the ROTS film itself. That doesn't make sense to me. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:01, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
    • In addition, you need to explain Deviss' original conception, as the clone was intended to be Bly. It's all mentioned in Bly's databank entry. If you didn't notice this, click on Deviss' infobox image and look under "source." Also, speaking of Deviss' infobox image, have you noticed how that's the only image of him? It's in the ROTS VD, the Insider article, Galaxy at War, and Bly's databank entry. He's also unnamed in the ROTS VD. Please make sure you take a look at all sources, Lee, as it is very important. Just to be sure the "red Bly" didn't appear elsewhere, I checked the Art of ROTS for you, and he's not in there. JangFett (Talk) 05:22, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
      • Checked all, it is the same picture. And he was originally indented to be Bly, but this was changed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:23, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
        • You still have not addressed my original query. If he appears in the movie, this needs to be added to the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:00, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
  • As an additional objection, the image of the planet of Geonosis serves no illustrative point in relation to the Battle of Geonosis itself. If you want to illustrate that portion of the article, choose an appropriate image of the battle itself. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:05, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
    • Nevermind the objection. I've removed the images myself and stricken this now for the sake of expediency. If you care to replace the removed images with actual related battle scenes, feel free. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:50, July 14, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 19:50, July 14, 2010 (UTC)


  • Lee, I'll take a look at the remaining objections soon. Sorry for the delay. JangFett (Talk) 05:07, July 6, 2010 (UTC)