Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Breha Organa's cousin

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Breha Organa's cousin

  • Nominated by: Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:24, December 14, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: From CAN to GAN (Part 3).

(4 ACs/1 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Nice job. JangFett (Talk) 16:42, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Good work.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 21:52, December 17, 2011 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:30, December 18, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:57, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Menkooroo 06:14, December 24, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Jangeth
  • Is there any reason why you're saying this event took place around 21 BBY? Per the SW Annual, but more importantly Gambit: Stealth, the events surrounding the Wild Space novel, which does include the Falleen battle, took place in 21 BBY. That's what we know thus far.
    • Adressed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:08, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
      • Check your sourcing. Take a good look at the objection and then the article. JangFett (Talk) 17:24, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
      • Also, Lee, be sure to check your other Wild Space-related articles too. JangFett (Talk) 19:07, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
        • Done. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:04, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
          • Make sure they're correct too. Wild Space-related events took place in 21 BBY normally. JangFett (Talk) 16:50, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • "he served on the Galatic Republic navy ship Bespin Dancer and was killed when the Dancer was destroyed in combat with Separatist forces over the planet Falleen." The Dancer was destroyed with Separatist forces, or did the CIS forces destroy the Dancer? At the moment, it reads like the former. Also, see what you can do to break these two sentences up. You can say he served on the ship in one sentence, but then mention his death in the next regarding the battle with CIS forces.
    • Splitted and cleared up. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:07, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
      • I would do it myself, but Lee I feel I'm doing most of the work for you, so could you get a mention of the Clone Wars in the intro? JangFett (Talk) 17:24, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
        • Added. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:04, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
          • The intro states that the cousin served in the Dancer in 21 BBY, while the bio does not give out a specific date, and just states he served in the Dancer before 21 BBY. Either the intro is wrong, or the bio, or both. Please find a way to correct this. JangFett (Talk) 16:28, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • Is there anyway you could paraphrase the first sentence in the bio? Clearly, it's the exact same as the first intro sentence, but one word off.
  • "Both had a very good relationship, more like that of brother and sister than of cousins." I could see this being placed in the P&T. It's up to you, but I feel its current placement seems awkward, possibly with how it's written. JangFett (Talk) 06:43, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
  • It's been a while since I've read this novel, but do you know where Obi-Wan and Bail where at when Obi-Wan spoke to Bail, and how Obi-Wan found out? After mentioning where the two where at before you mention "Obi-Wan told Bail of his cousin's death" and see what you can do with how Obi-Wan learned of the death, it would flow better instead of suggesting Obi-Wan automatically knew.
    • How Obi-Wan found it out - we have no idea. Added a small note of the place where Kenobi informed Organa about the news. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:09, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
      • Be careful with its placement. JangFett (Talk) 16:28, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • Are you sure the cousin is a male? Going back to saying I haven't read the novel in a while, the lead quote says "The Bespin Dancer. Is—was—she still part of the Falleen group?," and you do mention the cousin was part of the Falleen battle in the article. JangFett (Talk) 17:24, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
    • Yes, I'm sure. That "she" is about the Bespin Dancer, which is a ship and therefore female. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:09, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
      • Can you give me a sentence in the novel that suggests that the cousin is a male? JangFett (Talk) 16:28, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
        • Simply the fact that they had a relationship like "brother and sister" makes it clear that he is male. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:31, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
          • Lee, I apologize, I have the novel in my hand at the moment. JangFett (Talk) 16:34, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
            • Hey, no problem. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:38, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
              • It actually helps to read parts of the novel where those quotes came from. :P JangFett (Talk) 16:42, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
Cal Jedi
  • The Bio quote description says "their" cousin, which is rather confusing since you mention Kenobi and Organa right before that.
  • In the P & T quote description, you say that it was "her" cousin. In the Bio quote description, you say that it was "their" cousin. It needs to be fixed to whichever is accurate.
  • Along that line, the Bio quote description and the P & T quote description is very similar. Perhaps change one of them up a little bit.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 04:09, December 17, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Please kill the tactical officer redlink.
  • Are we sure the first sentence in the P/T quote is accurate? It seems like there should be a "not" in there somewhere. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:37, December 18, 2011 (UTC)
    • Very good catch. A "don't" was missing. Fixed and thanks for the review. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:11, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 16:58, December 24, 2011 (UTC)