- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Breg
(+5)
Support
- Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:06, 28 March 2008 (UTC)
- Returning the favor. Also, very interesting and informative read. Jorrel
Fraajic 23:00, 29 March 2008 (UTC) - Graestan(Talk) 12:13, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
- Jedimca0(Do or Do Not, There is No Try) 09:12, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
- --Eyrezer 09:42, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
Object
- From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
"While on a reconnaissance mission during the early years of the Galactic Civil War, Breg crash-landed on the planet Kalist VI, site of an Imperial labor colony, where he was imprisoned, though his Imperial captors were unaware of his Rebel affiliations." – A bit ponderous; please reword and clarify.- Broken up, reworded, and clarified.
Stating that a Rebel is "in the service of" the Alliance is a bit odd-sounding to me. Remember, these are resistance fighters, not regular military.- Reworded
"Although captured by the Empire and imprisoned in the planet's labor colony, Breg's Rebel affiliations remained safely concealed." – Reword to specify it was Breg, and not his affiliations, that were captured and imprisoned.- Clarified
"While at the labor camp he made quick friends with another prisoner slightly younger than he, the seventeen-year-old named Dak Ralter, son of political prisoners, who was born into captivity on Kalist VI." – Again, a bit unwieldy.- Broken up
"had quite an impression on the impressionable" – Yeah.- Yeah.
"badly deteriorated" – Reads a bit redundantly, per the connotations on the word "badly."- Reworded. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:49, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
- Graestan(Talk) 03:48, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
Comments