- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Azanti Zhug
- Nominated by: Tm_T (Talk) 19:32, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Zhugs 2/3, more of those WP:KOTOR Zh^h^hthugs.
(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
- Take a look at my changes. Otherwise very nice. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:52, October 2, 2010 (UTC)
1358 (Talk) 14:32, October 7, 2010 (UTC)- Great job.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:58, October 7, 2010 (UTC)
- Looks good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:23, October 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 20:50, October 17, 2010 (UTC)
Cylka-talk- 01:44, October 18, 2010 (UTC)
Object
Xd1358
Article for the fight on the landing pad?- All the information is in this article, and linking to the following battle (or the prelude of it) wouldn't be right.
"During a brief fight on the landing pad of the starship Ebon Hawk, Azanti and his companions were killed." Ship names should be in italics. Also, link to starship while you're on it.- Done.
Bio quote attribution: Introducing what? Himself?Done.
"In 3,951 BBY,[2] G0-T0 gathered the meeting of various bounty hunter…" /The/ meeting? 'The' implies that you have introduced this meeting before.- Done.
Context on the Jedi Exile.- Done.
"After G0-T0 had told to the hunters to not touch the Exile while she is on the moon…" Tense.- Done.
"Zhug leaders representing the brothers there…" If they weren't real brothers, you can't use "brothers" alone. Replace with organization or something.- Done.
"After calling G0-T0 mad for not letting them hunt now…" 'Now' borderlines tense issues.- Done.
"…the brothers provoked others on verbal fight." Whom did they provoke? Other bounty hunters? Also, the brother thing again.- Done.
"After the Exile left her party to…" Party is too gaming-termish. :P Also, if you are referring to the companions, perhaps you could introduce them here?- Done.
"The bounty hunters considered this as the end of the truce, and Azanti and two of his fellow Zhug brothers confronted the Exile's companions[1]—Zabrak Bao-Dur, former Jedi Master Kreia, the Ebon Hawk's pilot Atton Rand,[3] and Echani handmaiden Brianna[4]—as they discussed strategy on the landing pad where their light freighter the Ebon Hawk was berthed." Rather long sentence. Split?- Since the list of companions is moved to earlier sentence, no split?
" go after commas and periods. ;-)- Didn't notice that one. (:
"The Exile's companions were not scared by the threats, and all three Zhug brothers were killed in short exchange of fire." The fight pretty much comes out of the blue. Perhaps "…were killed in the ensuing short…"? Also, as with the intro, link for the skirmish?- Done.
"Azanti Zhug considered himself and his group to be very dangerous, important, and famous bounty hunters." So Azanti considered himself to be a famous bounty hunters?- Now it's only about the whole group, no need to emphasize his part I think.
"He didn't show much respect to the others, as shown by his actions in the Visionary and again in the Ebon Hawk's landing pad." To the other Zhugs? Please specify. Also, please change both instances of 'in' to 'on'.- Should be done.
- Possibly more later. 1358 (Talk) 20:10, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
Toprawa
This sentence reads rather awkwardly. Please try to reword for clarity: "After calling G0-T0 mad for not letting them hunt when she was so close, the Zhug brothers provoked other bounty hunters on verbal fight."This portion of reference number 3 also reads kind of funny. See if you can rejigger the ending a little bit: "right after leaving Telos for canon female Exile in the game."The article says here that all three brothers were killed, but the article only really mentions two brothers, so this becomes rather confusing. Who is the third brother? "all three Zhug brothers were killed"I don't feel this very brief, general reference is doing enough to describe the point. Please elaborate on specific actions: "as shown by his actions on the Visionary and again on the Ebon Hawk's landing pad."This is worded as though it's specialist information, like you're gearing it specifically toward KOTOR people who know exactly what it is you're talking about. Myself, for example, who has never played this game, has no idea what these two sentences are attempting to describe. Please do a better job clarifying and mentioning specifics of what this is: "In the game, the player controlling the Jedi Exile is allowed to visit the planets in several different orders. This article assumes that the Jedi Exile visits the planets in the order presented in Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords: Prima Official Game Guide."Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:22, October 12, 2010 (UTC)
Cylka
I really have only one objection. I'm not sure that the last paragraph of the bio is needed. It really doesn't have much to do with Azanti.- Otherwise, good job. Cylka-talk- 03:06, October 17, 2010 (UTC)
Jujiggum
No mention in the P&T of their eagerness to take the bounty on Jedi/the Jedi Exile? I think this is notable, specifically since it caused them to bicker with the other hunters and call G0-T0 crazy.- Done?
And no mention in the P&T of how he decided to try and intimidate them rather than kill them when he had the chance?- Done? I suck at this kind of stuff, I'm more of a technical guy. (:)
- Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:54, October 17, 2010 (UTC)
Comments
Thanks to Cylka and Xd1358 for their help with these zhug articles. Also, possible linebreaks in long paraghraps are due my editing arrangements, feel free to ignore them. (: --Tm_T (Talk) 19:32, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 01:44, October 18, 2010 (UTC)