Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Attack on Porso Hill

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Attack on Porso Hill

(4 ACs/1 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Cylka-talk- 21:31, September 24, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Menkooroo 00:20, September 27, 2010 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:28, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
  4. ACvote 1358 (Talk) 19:17, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:57, October 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Attack on Attack on Porso Hill
  • In the intro, identify what Kael and Sykes are a Captain and a Lieutenant in.
  • Remember that the body is separate from the intro, and context needs to be given again. In Prelude: Who are Bravo Squadron fighting for? Who are the slaves in the camps bonded to? Who is Captain Kael?
  • I don't know if "needed" is the right word for Sykes's vendetta.
  • What kind of starfighters are Sykes and his wingmen flying?
  • Be careful about pasting text from Microsoft Word. The apostrophes show up weird. I used to do this all the time. :^P
  • The sentence "Sykes replied he wouldn’t stop." is a bit awkward and play-by-play. Can you reword it?
  • There's some more play-by-play that should be avoided --- "Sykes angrily told", "Kotha replied", "Kotha told" --- pbp accounts of conversations are a no-no and should be saliently summarized.
  • A bit more pbp later on: " Sykes told her to cut the chatter and set down; the Hutt was going to pay for his crimes. Borvo laughed...", "Sykes replied that he..." "When Deviss asked what the next step was, Sykes replied they were going to continue the fight against the Trade Federation. The problem is, they had few pilots."
  • Give some context on Nal Hutta (ie, that it's Borvo's homeworld or something). Menkooroo 13:04, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks for taking time for the review. All of the above should be addressed. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 15:53, September 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • Hey, no prob. Will give it one more run-over within the next few days. Menkooroo 16:40, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
  • Just a couple more, my friend:
    • "Syke's former wingmate approached from the front" --- the front of what?
    • "telling Sykes to check his fire so Kotha could explain he wanted to help." I'm a bit confused by this --- did Sykes need to check his fire so that Kotha could explain? Did the one lead to the other?
    • It'd probably be a good idea to mention who Vedd Devis and Lutin Hollis are (something like "two other Naboo pilots" or something).
    • Aftermath is still just a bit too play-by-play (Devis asked, Sykes replied, but their problem was, Kotha told them). Can you try to summarize it a bit more without going into so much detail?
    • That's all! Good job. Menkooroo 06:22, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks again. Reworded and cut down based on your suggestions. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 18:29, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
        • Aftermath is still a recount of the conversation --- be careful about recounting conversations line-by-line, as this is the kind of play-by-play that should be avoided. Rather than "After Deviss asked, Sykes replied, Kotha informed, Sykes agreed..." it should be cut down quite a bit. The bit about Deviss asking probably isn't necessary; something like "Sykes felt that more pilots were needed to fight the Federation, and decided to go liberate pilots when Kotha mentioned that there were some slaves still at blah blah blah" would still convey the important points, but much more efficiently, ya know? Menkooroo 18:47, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
Cylka
  • In the infobox, you list one Borvo starfighter under Sykes, and I assume that that starfighter is Kotha, but I only thought of that after reading the article. If I'm correct, please make sure that you make that clear - that he defected from Borvo. The infobox is there to give the reader a quick overview, without having to read the article.
  • In the introduction you state that Kotha is a mercenary, but not in the main article.
  • What was the technology that Sykes picked up. I realize that since this is a game mechanic, the technology will probably be random loot, but please try to be more specific or give some more explanation.
  • When the freighter's cockpit fled, the remaining Hutt fighters ran with it as the Naboo pilots cut off the chase. - This sentence makes it sound as if the cockpit and fighter are sentient and running away.
  • Please be a bit more specific about the upgrade and bonus objective in this level.
  • Nice work. Cylka-talk- 07:20, September 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the suggestions; all of the above have been addressed in some form or another. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 14:54, September 22, 2010 (UTC)
      • My first objection still remains. Cylka-talk- 07:23, September 23, 2010 (UTC)
        • Does (defected) work? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 19:51, September 23, 2010 (UTC)
          • It was close to what I was looking for. Please take a look at the additional detail I added into the infobox. I hope that this will help you with writing future articles. Cylka-talk- 21:31, September 24, 2010 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • No article for his base? "Sykes hunted the Hutt to his base on Porso Hill in revenge..."
  • What does this mean "taking damage"? To himself? To his starfighter? Please specify: "but withdrew after taking damage."
    • Worded.
  • I'm going to assume this level takes place in a starfighter, but the way this is worded leaves this detail rather ambiguous, and one could easily make the assumption that Sykes is fighting the Federation from foot. Don't assume your average reader knows exactly what is going on in the article just because you do. Spell out specifics explicitly. If he's using a starfighter, say this and specify what kind. If not, explain exactly how he's fighting: "Sykes pursued the Hutt to his base on Porso Hill in revenge and began his attack. After fighting through opposing starfighters..."
  • Who are these newly arrived wingmen? Fellow Security Force pilots? Details are the lifeblood of any article. Don't be afraid to give them to us: "Sykes engaged the Hutt's personal transport while his newly-arrived wingmen provided cover and forced the Hutt to flee." Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:33, September 26, 2010 (UTC)
  • Offered him a bribe for what? To back off? Please specify: "contacted Sykes and offered him a bribe."
  • Not an objection, but I tweaked this ending clause to make it more clear what is going on. Please make sure this is correct and adjust as necessary: "sending Borvo and Tyché flying away in retreat."
  • This makes it sound like there is an alternative ending cinematic scene, though it's not mentioned what it is. Please do describe all alternative outcomes: "The ending cinematic changes depending on how many Hutt starfighters are shot down in the second part, although at least one will always be shown fleeing."
  • This following is sort of a multi-part retroactive objection.
    • Firstly, in the intro you seem to describe that Sykes pursues Borvo to his Porso Hill base alone, yet in the Prelude section of the article body there are wingmen accompanying him. I would recommend mentioning in the intro that Sykes has support as he pursues Borvo to avoid any possible confusion.
    • Secondly, in the intro you describe during the final fight with Borvo that Sykes is supported by Security Forces wingmen, which the body of the article reveals to be Deviss and Hollis. Are Deviss and Hollis also in Bravo Squadron? If so, it would probably be better to give them the descriptor of Bravo Squadron pilots, rather than Security Forces pilots, in both the intro and the body, since it's far more specific. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:37, September 30, 2010 (UTC)
Jujiggum
  • How is damage to Kotha's starfighter a casualty?
  • How is Kotha's defection a casualty?
    • Regarding these two, they are specific (and scripted) events regarding the military forces in the battle. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 20:50, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
      • Casualties are typically reserved for living beings who die or are very, very severely injured. More specifically, "Casualty: (n) a member of armed forces lost to service due to death, wounds, or sickness." A damaged vehicle is not a casualty, nor is a vehicle that was switched from one side to another when its owner turned traitor. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 20:58, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Yet the alliance was only a stepping stone for Borvo" A stepping stone to what end? What was he hoping to get out of it?
  • Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 19:42, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thank you for taking time for the review. I would like to discuss, however, one of your changes. Under the mechanics tag, you wrote "And Sykes thought it would be useful." The game doesn't necessarily indicate what Sykes thought, so the text could be OR. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 20:50, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
      • Okay, then definitely change it, but here is the reason I changed it originally: as is, it isn't clear whether you mean that it "would prove to be useful" or that you yourself think it was useful. If it's the latter, then it should be removed altogether, but if it's the former, then it just needs to be reworded. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 20:58, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
        • It has been adjusted. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:20, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
          • Hmm, the problem now is "could be." Why the uncertainty here? Was it or was it not used? Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 21:26, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
            • Was it used? Thats an iffy question. Yes, the player has the option of picking it up but it is not necessary for the plot. I have yet to play a game I remotely consider to be realistic. I re-worded the sentence once again. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 02:55, October 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 14:57, October 2, 2010 (UTC)