Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Aaris

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Aaris

• Nominated by: Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 11:47, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Another guest nom for WP:AS, as well as part of Project: DarkStryder.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

1. Looks fine to me after a copyedit. —Master Jonathan^{(Jedi Council Chambers)} 19:17, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
2. Good work, as usual. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Jujiggum) 11:21, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
3. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is the truth)} 02:24, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
4. Thought they were familiar. CC7567 ^(talk) 21:12, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
5. --Eyrezer 09:48, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
6. Grunny ^(Talk) 20:31, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Object

1. The Grand Master
   • "Thousands of years prior to the Galactic Civil War, the Aaris built an industrial society across their homeworld, raising large cities, and had a strong tradition of oral communication, to the extent of developing a unique method of recording their knowledge." This is a run-on, please rephrase.
     • Split into two sentences.
   • "...and took it to a tower in the city's governmental complex, high above the city." The beginning of this phrase implies that it was taken somewhere in the city, but the end says that it was actually above the city, which implies that it was not actually in the city at all. Please clarify.
     • The tower rises high above the city. Made this clearer.
   • "...made their home in the lower levels." The lower levels of what? Of the city? Yet you say that the city has fallen into ruin and been reclaimed by the jungle; this would imply that such "lower levels" don't really exist. Please clarify.
     • There are extensive ruins, which the jungle has grown over in thousands of years. Reworded a little for clarity.
   • Otherwise, looks good. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Jujiggum) 01:55, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
     • Thanks for the review. - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 08:43, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
   • There is quite a bit of repetition. For instance the first paragraph of the history and society sections are very similar. Perhaps only mention the wars they had prior to the plaque in one section, etc. I also think it would be appropriate to add a short line about what happened to the artifact after their society's collapse as it played a significant role in their history. --Eyrezer 01:14, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
     • I did a little reworking. See what you think. - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 09:32, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
       • Looks good. --Eyrezer 09:48, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

• Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 20:31, 21 June 2009 (UTC)