Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Zona Luka

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Zona Luka

  • Nominated by: IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:00, September 29, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Hawt Vultan chickz!

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Cause ain't no such thing as halfway crooks…
  • This thing is fluff-tastic the entire way through. See if you can cut out some of the extraneous stuff & stick strictly to the script.
  • "Traveling in Kun's starship, Starstorm One, the Jedi team traveled to the dark side-tainted moon of Yavin 4, where Kun brought Luka and the others to the base of a large temple." Travel-ridden.
  • "There, Kun revealed his true intentions in bringing the Jedi there; he shattered a Sith holocron, releasing the dark side spirits trapped within." There-ridden.
  • There are several instances of the use of present-tense, when past-tense would work just as well, if not better. Search and destroy.
  • Linking issues.
  • I always thought that the way in which Dominus killed Luka was some sort of Force lightning-type attack. While probably not (given Dominus' Jedi status), I would still include that smidge of detail.
  • "Luka eventually passed the Jedi Trials, becoming a full-fledged Jedi Knight." While probably true to some extent, this is POV. We know nothing about Luka's apprenticeship save that she was Dominus' dearest student. Also, other Jedi of that era didn't partake in formalized trials, so I find it unlikely that Luka was an exception without some sort of confirmation.
  • "In 3996 BBY, Luka was on the Jedi world of Ossus when a Jedi Knight named Exar Kun began preaching in the Gardens of Talla regarding a renewal of the Jedi way. Luka and a group of fellow Jedi, including Cay Qel-Droma, Oss Wilum, and the Cathar Jedi Crado, gathered in the Gardens to listen to Kun's words. Kun proclaimed that he had discovered great secrets of the Force, and would share them with any Jedi who would join him. Kun told the assembled Jedi that the old Jedi Masters…" Jedi-laden.
  • "citing Master Arca Jeth's failure on Onderon." A bit more context on Jeth's failure, please.
  • "promising that they could change the galaxy." Change the galaxy how?
  • "When they found Kun at the entrance to Master Odan-Urr's chambers, the Jedi was in possession of the Draethos Jedi's robe and staff." Several things:
    • These weren't just Urr's chambers.
    • Too many Jedi's in that sentence.
    • On that last one, you identify Kun as Jedi despite your previous revelation of his DLOTS status.
  • The remainder of that paragraph is plagued with too many uses of "Jedi" as well.
  • More references to Kun as a Jedi Knight after the DLOTS reveal.
  • Context on the Massassi.
  • "Kun revealed it to be a Sith holocron, not a Jedi holocron as previously believed…" Previously belived by whom?
  • Any reason why you are now referring to the holocron by its proper name?
  • "she, and the other Jedi that had accompanied her on this journey, were now Sith apprentices," Far as we know, Kun's only apprentice at that time was Ulic Qel-Droma.
  • "With Luka and her Jedi companions now Dark Jedi, Kun ordered them to return to the ship; they had a mission to carry out. Their target: the Jedi Order." Two things:
    • There was only one Dark Jedi in that group.
    • Please just state the facts without the dramatic effect. In fact, that whole bit could be worked into the beginning of the next paragraph.
  • Also, the beginning of that paragraph could stand to be rewritten from Luka's POV.
  • "Exar Kun, now presiding over a new Brotherhood of the Sith, ordered Luka and his other new followers to strike down their old Jedi Masters, in order to make way for a new order." This will probably be changed up when you address the objections above, but if not, you need to remove some of the "orders."
  • "Luka set out to find Master Dominus, and tracked down her former Jedi Master at his home. After a verbal exchange where Luka professed that her attacking the Jedi Master was nothing personal, she and Dominus dueled briefly with their lightsabers. Luka was able to strike down the aging Jedi Master, but Dominus killed his fallen apprentice with the Force as he lay dying. After the battle was over, the scene was investigated by Jedi Knights Dace Diath, Qrrrl Toq, and Shoaneb Culu, all of whom wondered why Luka would kill Master Dominus." Jedi, Masters, etc. Sheesh.
  • "Although Zona Luka was strong enough in the light side of the Force that the respected Jedi Master Dominus considered her his best student…" Does any source state this as the reason for Dominus' opinion?
  • That entire sentence could stand a rewrite, especially the "being swayed by Exar Kun" part.
  • "she displayed un-Jedi-like impatience…" You'll need to source that, since I don't remember the source stating anything about patience and Jedi.
  • "Zona Luka was adept enough in the Force that Master Dominus considered her to be his favorite student…" You already said this (in some fashion) in the P&T, and I personally think it doesn't belong there, but that's up to you. Either way, choose which place you want to say it, and say it once.
  • "However, when she was turned to the dark side by the powers of the Dark Holocron her powers in the Force increased even more, at least according to Exar Kun." Power-full.
  • Nearly all of these could have been rectified had you done as you assured me you would and heeded my advice on Norgor and solicited some copy-edits. I can't stress enough the importance of asking for second and third looks, especially when the lack thereof results in otherwise unnecessarily long objection lists.—Tommy 9281 18:27, September 29, 2010 (UTC)
    • You're right Tommy; I messed this up, and this article isn't fully ready. I request that Inq remove this nom for now. I'm gonna look this one over and solicit some other looks before I try Zona again. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 04:31, October 1, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • Archived per nominator's request above. CC7567 (talk) 07:07, October 1, 2010 (UTC)