Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Yinchorri/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Yinchorri

  • Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:17, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The only species to appear in the "Major rebellion movement" Succession box. Eat your heart, Yuuzhan Vong.

(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Nice work. Good to see some Marvel! ~ SavageBob 16:11, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Bing! Thefourdotelipsis 07:01, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote --Eyrezer 22:26, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:45, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 14:23, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Great job! I really like this article! --Gmalek (The ability to edit does not make you intelligent) 10:55, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:42, July 12, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Lord Hydronium

The Legacy 31 appearance should be noted wherever appropriate (Duursema's statement confirming it's a Yinchorri). - Lord Hydronium 06:15, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

  • Like this? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:48, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'd separate the Duursema comment into a BTS item and keep the actual footnote to just the comic. You also might consider a note about their presence in the stormtroopers in "in the galaxy", but if you think that's too redundant, it's not necessary. - Lord Hydronium 07:53, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
Prepare to be savaged...
  • I'm posting as I get a chance to read through the article, but so far:
    • Should Ingtelligentsia be capitalized in all instances? Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.
    • I don't get the connection between thick skin and an arid environment. Can you elaborate?
    • I tend to put evolutionary history into the "History" section of an article. I can understand if you prefer it the way you did it, but it might be better to say what features they have in B&A and then why they have them (evolutionarily speaking) under "History".
    • Are you basing the comparison of how strong and tough they are in comparison to Humans on game stats? Per Leland Chee, game stats are not considered canon, so if this is your source, it should probably be moved to BTS. I don't think special abilities and aging ranges are considered game stats, so that stuff is still OK, but I would still treat such stuff broadly. For example, their resistance to the Force mind tricks is OK to talk about, but be careful about qualifying it with things that affect the will, etc. More to come. ~ SavageBob 03:12, May 21, 2010 (UTC)
      • Respectively: Done, done, done, and changed whenever it's simply RPG stats (but not SQ's and so, per specifics of your own objections). --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:44, May 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • "decidedness and expedience" -- What do you mean here? These words aren't typically used to describe people, so perhaps synonyms should be used.
    • I was confused about whether there is one Council of Elders for the whole planet or whether each city-state has one. Please correct my edits if I added erroneous information.
    • I'm not sure it's worth calling out the Cathar as a monogamous species; simply state that the Yinchorri mated for life and leave it at that.
    • Can you provide known Yinchorri pairings with non-Yinchorri? Maybe add a "for example, one Yinchorri married a Skandit" or whatever to the S&C section?
    • "The Yinchorri also learned a job and theoretical knowledge." Can you explain this phrase? It sounds pretty standard for most sentients. More tomorrow! :) ~ SavageBob 07:06, May 21, 2010 (UTC)
      • Done, done, done, done, and removed as it might be seen as RPG stats. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:18, May 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • You should probably just go with the most recent source regarding the location of their homeworld, but be sure to note the discrepancy in the BTS. As it stands, it's a bit confusing.
    • "but most planetary representatives assumed that the species would go unnoticed in the grand scheme of galaxy-wide politics." This bit is vaguely worded; is there anything more that can be said? Is the gist here simply that galactic politicians and delegates mostly ignored the Yinchorri?
    • "interesting reports" -- Interesting to whom? Qualification will avoid POV. ~ SavageBob 17:23, May 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • Sidious wanting to discredit Valorum is mentioned twice in the "Yinchorri Uprising" section. Can one be removed?
    • There seems to be a bit too much detail on some stuff that doesn't directly pertain to the Yinchorri. For example, Sidious's interest in the artifact from the Jedi Temple isn't terribly relevant, nor is Villie's equipment (his blaster, etc.), and Holmar's demand for compensation for letting Villie use his nephew (unless Holmar comes back into the story later; I haven't finished reading the History section). ~ SavageBob 19:36, May 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'm about half-way through the Yinchorri Uprising sections, and I think there are two main problems with it. First, it's way too detailed. When we're talking about the entire history of a species, a single uprising that lasted less than a year should not take up the bulk of the article. I think it might be wise to move the information to the Yinchorri uprising article and then summarize it much more lightly in this main species article. Some examples of stuff that is too detailed for a main species article are details such as a Jedi jettisoning escape pods to throw off a pair of Yinchorri attackers, say. The second issue with this section is that it is told from the Jedi point of view. This is the Yinchorri article, so I feel that it should privilege the Yinchorri's point of view. We don't necessarily need to know that Tsui Choi got honors for his role in the battle, for instance. That said, this information has a place in other articles, so I hope you move it out to the daughter pages. ~ SavageBob 17:18, May 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • I've scanned the rest of the history section, and these observations apply throughout that section: I'd suggest summarizing more and moving the persnickety details to sub articles.
    • The final paragraph of "Yinchorri in the galaxy" seems more akin to "Society and culture" information than "in the galaxy" information. Suggest moving it there. ~ SavageBob 19:46, May 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • The notion that Stradley stopped working for Marvel for creative differences does not seem directly pertinent to the Yinchorri. Can you elaborate on why this is important to note? That's it from me! ~ SavageBob 20:43, May 22, 2010 (UTC)
      • Respectively: Done; little but changed; changed; done; Uprising reduce from 2200 words to 1200; history reduced more or less whenever possible; paragraph moved; partly modified (but I wanted to specify that Stradley was behind most of the appearances of the Yinchorri, so his absence meant their absence). Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:41, May 24, 2010 (UTC)
    • How was Yinchorr "theoretically" seized by Paalpatine? Can you elaborate?
    • Can we get an article for the last surviving son of the leader of the Council of Elders of Tol-Kachorn? ~ SavageBob 20:20, May 30, 2010 (UTC)
      • Done & done. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:32, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
        • Not so fast! "Following their reports" -- Whose reports? That'll be the last bit, I swear! :) ~ SavageBob 07:32, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
          • Done; if wording feels awkard and you can reword it, feel free. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:37, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
A-ha!
  • "During the years of the Galactic Civil War, the Yinchorri failed to predict that Imperial agents would betray them, as exemplified by the commander and the pilot who took Leia Organa to Yinchorr." - ...what does this mean?
    • Hm. Better? If you don't like it, I can remove the whole sentence. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:46, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Sidious sent several Yinchorri to stealth in the Jedi Temple of Coruscant, to kill Jedi children, making use of the absence of the most powerful Jedi." - What is "to stealth in"?
  • Also, a picture of the Yinchorri stormtrooper would be nice, instead of the largely redundant picture in the BTS. Thefourdotelipsis 00:42, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • Added, but the other picture was moved because I don't want it to be an orphan. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:46, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
      • I'm striking as it's more a matter of opinion, but I think it was more valuable to have the Marvel, and therefore original depiction of the Yinchorri in the article, rather than the largely redundant UAA image, which is basically a repeat of the AA image. Thefourdotelipsis 07:01, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
Brinstar
  • You call them "turtle-like" in the body, but "tortoise-like" in the infobox. I know it's a minor difference, but I'd like to see that standardized.
  • "Grahrk in turn offered his supposed son Olmar to marry them but, to keep the pretense, he had to offer Olmar's father, Holmar, as part of his loot." This is kinda unclear.
  • (This is merely a comment) Please watch your linking and grammar. Go look at my copy-edit, and see what changes I made. Please keep those in mind when writing your next article, and be more aware of your linking. It's also a good idea to put an article in Word and use spell-check prior to nominating it. I made a lot of changes and corrections to this. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:31, June 9, 2010 (UTC)
  • City state or city-state?
  • "Each community had its own military and governors." Should this be governor? ie, do you mean each city had one governor, or several?
  • "they were led by the Sith and his minions" "Sith and his" doesn't work. You need to introduce a person here.
  • "Kardek offered to sponsor Grahrk by marrying his daughter Vooma to the Devaronian" You say that they wanted their daughters to marry Villie, but then you talk about Villie not having a son to marry them. Clarify, please.
  • Is there an article for the attack on the Temple?
  • "When Valorum was reported" This doesn't make sense.
  • Is there an article for the Imperial training center on Yinchorr?
  • You seem to side with UAA over AA in the contradictions. I'd assume this is because it's newer, and I suggest adding a sentence stating something to that effect in the BTS.
  • Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:36, June 26, 2010 (UTC)
    • Everything should be done. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:48, June 26, 2010 (UTC)
      • Sorry I got to this so late. In the future, if objections of mine have been sitting for over a week, feel free to leave me a message on my talk page. Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:42, July 12, 2010 (UTC)
Eyrezer
  • Can you further sub-section the Yinchorri Uprising section? It is rather large. --Eyrezer 03:39, June 29, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Olmar Grahrk accidentally revealed the exact location of the command center." How was this possible? You earlier said he was unaware fo the location. --Eyrezer 01:56, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
    • Expanded. He didn't know that, but he knew how to contact Villie. Skippy Farlstendoiro 04:38, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
      • Did you intend to undo a number of my changes in fixing this? --Eyrezer 11:58, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
        • No, it was accidental. Those should be restored now. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:51, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
          • Ah, ok. --Eyrezer 22:26, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
Cav
  • After the Empire: Although Yinchorr remained under Imperial control until 13 ABY, it was eventually claimed by the New Republic during a campaign to recover a terrain seized, following the reports of the New Republic, by a clone of Palpatine. Not entirely sure what you mean here. Consider reworking the sentence. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 13:00, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
Pasta
  • The succession box needs to be completed. Years are missing for the before and after.
  • Also, the end of the B&A has two short mini-paragraphs. Can this information be worked into other things so that we have a minimum of three sentences in all of the paragraphs for better form?
  • Lastly, the introduction needs to be expanded to include an overview of the entire article sans Bts. Right now, it is quite underdeveloped.
  • Okay, now that I've surveyed this, I'm pleased that this article is in good shape as far as over-arching writing. Keep up the good work, Skippy. I'm hoping that you keep getting better, as WP:AS has been on a roll of late. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:40, July 5, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • Awesome pick for an article. I'm just wondering about the opening sentence and the BtS statement. You claim that they were called the Yinchorree in the Marvel comic. Is this true? And if so, could you point out the page number? In my copy, they're still called the Yinchorri, but it's spelled "Yinchori" with only one "r". Is this perhaps from a different language version of the same comic? Cull Tremayne 07:21, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
    • I checked my (non-ALTA, English) issue as well, and couldn't find "Yinchorree" anywhere. --Imperialles 22:46, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
      • You're both right; I don't know where I took that spelling from. Must have been a typo of mine. Anyway, replaced. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:17, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 14:42, July 12, 2010 (UTC)