Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Xamar

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Xamar

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Nice job, Ackbar. I've always enjoyed your KotOR nominations. Greyman(Talk) 09:08, 29 September 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Cull Tremayne 01:49, 13 October 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Badasss. Gonk (Gonk!) 19:44, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 02:23, 27 October 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Graestan(Talk) 17:37, 28 October 2008 (UTC)

Object

  1. I'd like to see File:Xamar Jarael.jpg re-scanned; it's artifacty. --Imperialles 21:00, 17 October 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • The first sentence of the intro is quite stilted and should be reorganized to try for chronological ordering. I can see where you were going by trying to order the phrases by importance, but it does not read well.
      • I shifted it a little and its now in chronological order. Is it satisfactory?
    • Contextify Raana Tey and Feln in intro.
      • Done.
    • Is the quote on "Jedi Seer" correct? There appears to be a redundant word there.
      • If you could tell me what the word was that would be helpful :-P, but no, it's correct.
        • Then the writer had a typo. "easily the best of the their species!"
          • Bah, would've be so much easier if you'd just said that in the first place. Fixed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:54, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
    • "Amazing precognitive skills" is POV. Make it neutral, please.
      • Better?
    • "Draay had previously renounced the Jedi and refused to train any more apprentices after the death of her husband in the Great Sith War, though agreed to take on a number of students including Xamar because of their exceptional talents." Missing pronoun, and my lack of familiarity with the source material means that I can't fill it in.
      • I made a small logical leap here and fixed it. Gonk (Gonk!) 19:44, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
    • "reasonably skilled" is POV.
      • You'll have to explain that one to me.
        • I'll have to explain that one to me also, because I have no idea why I made that objection. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:13, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
    • "Xamar was extremely cautious, unlike the often brash Draay" Rather POVish, and doesn't properly belong in bio anyway.
      • Removed the POV, but I'm reluctant to remove it from the bio; it leads onto the next point about allowing Lucien to take charge.
    • "like the other Masters" This phrase is unclear.
    • "Xamar and his colleagues had dropped their lightsaber and were unable to stop the sudden entry" Did they have one lightsaber among them all, or did they all have weapons?
      • I made a small logical leap here and fixed it. Gonk (Gonk!) 19:44, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
        • Where would we be without your genius logic, Gonk? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:04, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
    • "This prompted an irate response from Draay, who throttled the diminutive Xamar against the wall" A bit of resolution for this would be nice.
      • Better?
        • Sort of. I've made some rewordings to make it even better. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:13, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
    • "who chose to do neither in order to keep the public image of a serene, unified Jedi Order" This clause is unclear.
      • Removed some of it.
    • "and they'd be back to square one" Reword this colloquialism.
      • Changed.
    • "arbitrarily and often hastily" POV
      • I'm...not seeing it. Usually I'm content enough to change things which you see as POV even if I don't agree -- which, tbh, is quite a lot of the time -- but in this case I don't see what's wrong with the statement.
        • It's not the most egregious POV I've ever seen, but my thinking on POV is that, if a vast majority of parties (read:all) would not agree with the statement, then it's POV. I doubt Draay himself and some of his colleagues would admit that their actions were arbitrary and hasty, which would imply that the statement is POV. To say that Xamar considered them to be so is one of the more commonly preferred fixes; I've gone ahead and made it, but as a reminder of what POV requirements are: "Where there are or have been conflicting views, these should be presented fairly, but not asserted." The statement that his actions were arbitrary and hasty is not universally agreed upon IU, AFAIK, so it's POV. At any rate, I don't want to beat this horse to death; I've made the desired fix myself. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:13, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
    • " Additionally, he found the fact that he and his peers were operating in the shadows, unsanctioned by the proper authorities, to concern him greatly," This clunky wording needs trimmed down some.
    • Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:06, 22 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 17:59, 28 October 2008 (UTC)

  • Er, is it entirely clear that he's dead? Yrfeloran 04:16, 6 October 2008 (UTC)