Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Watto's flunky

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Watto's flunky

  • Nominated by: Kreivi Wolter 20:35, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Episode I: The Video Game-operation

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Tm
  • I'm not good at explaining this, but this seems to be very play-by-play written article, makes it very hard to read for me. I'll try to elaborate if need be. –Tm_T (Talk) 05:54, May 30, 2011 (UTC)
    • Uh, please give some detail. Kreivi Wolter 14:47, May 30, 2011 (UTC)
      • Trying to find the words here... like you're trying to explain what happens in the story instead of telling the story. I'll elaborate further after I have got some coffee. –Tm_T (Talk) 15:08, May 30, 2011 (UTC)
        • I give up on this, I simply don't know how to explain it properly. –Tm_T (Talk) 07:50, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
Blast Radius
  • I echo Tm's sentiment. I'm only through the intro and this thing is very PBP. The way you detail the conversation between Qui-Gon and Watto is very back & forth, when it should be a description of the situation as opposed to the conversation. The rest of the article appears to be also plagued in the same manner. Example: "In 32 BBY, a day before the scheduled annual Boonta Eve Classic podrace, the flunky was passing time in the junkyard of Watto's Shop, sitting on a piece of wreckage, when Skywalker walked past him, accompanied by a tall, bearded Human man. The man was Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, who was looking for Watto to buy a T-14 hyperdrive generator from the Toydarian. While the Jedi was walking past the flunky, he asked what Jinn wanted." In this particular para, you mention nearly/every/single/thing, hence the PBP. You could easily cut it in half while saying the same exact thing. You are going to have to go through your entire article to rectify these situations before I continue a review.—Tommy 9281 Saturday, June 11, 2011, 13:03 UTC
    • Working on it... uh, when you said "I'm only through the intro," do you mean that the intro too should be shortened? Kreivi Wolter 14:31, June 24, 2011 (UTC)
      • That's where I stopped reading.—Tommy 9281 Friday, June 24, 2011, 14:43 UTC
        • That's a "yes," then? Kreivi Wolter 15:31, June 24, 2011 (UTC)
          • Try it now. Kreivi Wolter 11:06, June 26, 2011 (UTC)
            • The second paragraph still begins very PBP.
            • The second paragraph of the "Career on Mos Espa" section is very PBP.
            • The third paragraph of the "Career on Mos Espa" section is very PBP.
            • The first paragraph of the "The Boonta Eve race" section is very PBP.
          • These are additional examples. Again, you'll need to comb the entire article for such instances. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the source was a comic book, because the article reads like you are giving a panel-by-panel account of the events.—Tommy 9281 Thursday, July 7, 2011, 20:17 UTC
            • Gone through the article, hopefully done now. Kreivi Wolter 14:59, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
  • Kreivi, this thing is still heavily laden with PBP. Recounting every line of a conversation constitutes a play-by-play account of the events. Details like "Such and such entered the room. Then such and such turned around..." are PBP. Much of what you say /throughout/ can be indicated in half the words without any loss of context. If I end up having to personally clear out the extraneousness, I will also claim this nomination as my own; and this is not the first time such an ultimatum was offered by Tommy 9281 Friday, July 15, 2011, 20:19 UTC

Comments

  • No need to vote to remove this nomination; feel free to remove it. I have too little time to spend it here right now. Sorry! Kreivi Wolter 10:34, August 3, 2011 (UTC)
Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)
  1. Inqvote Objection unadressed since 7/15. Today is 8/2.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, August 2, 2011, 21:59 UTC
  2. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:01, August 2, 2011 (UTC)
    • Not quite three weeks yet. I'll poke Kreivi on his talk page and see if he's still around. Menkooroo 00:19, August 3, 2011 (UTC)