Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Vor

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Vor

  • Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:31, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Short name, long article. One of these species of WP:AS.

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. The coolest reptavimammals in the Star Wars galaxy. I eagerly await the next alien from Farlstendoiro. ~ SavageBob 07:17, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote --Eyrezer 10:19, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Please watch your linking, however. CC7567 (talk) 04:25, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Thefourdotelipsis 15:17, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:25, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Grunny (talk) 13:43, May 14, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Intro is way too short. Xd1358 Talk 18:48, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Prepare to be savaged...
    • Can you mention that they are a sentient species in the first sentence of the lead? Without the picture, they could be a human race, or even a conglomeration of many species, so it's best to be specific up front.
      • Done.
    • "reptilian mammals"? Isn't that an oxymoron? Should they be classified as reptomammals? Go with that the sources say, but this was confusing (ah, Star Wars)!
      • No: Some sources say reptilians, some say mammals, none sais reptomammals; there's a note in BtS about it. Done nothing.
    • "capable of creating great beauty through their music" --> Do they consider this beauty, or do outsiders, or do both? It would be good to say, so that this line doesn't come off as POV-ish.
      • Done.
    • "Unfortunately, the Empire..." --> Be careful of unfortunately" inn the lead.
      • Done.
    • Can you mention what sector their world was in at some point in the article?
      • Done.
    • The images make it seem that other colors than green were possible for their skin (I notice this a lot with Star Wars art; the artists take a lot of leeway with text descriptions).
      • Done nothing. That could be a light trick or war paints, and the source mentioning skin colors is explicit and determinant.
        • Fair point; in that case, can you add something to either BTS or at least a footnote mentioning that images show them with yellows and browns as well? ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
          • Done.
    • Do the sources call their beak "vestigial"? It's hard to imagine that they didn't still use it, to talk, eat, etc.
      • Done nothing. Jedi Academy Sourcebook says so explicitly.
        • Someone at WEG didn't understand what "vestigial" means, but OK. ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
    • There's some present tense mixed into the "Biology" section, so be careful.
      • Done.
    • "Until that time, let no music sound. No pipe shall be blown, nor voiced raised in song. It would be a mockery of our broken sacred place. In silence the first Cathedral was born, so it will be again. Let all heed this command." Should that be "voice" rather than "voiced"? I would just change it myself, but since it's a direct quote, I wanted to be sure.
      • Done. Good one, btw.
    • Again, "the voice... was particularly beautiful . . . " In the eye of which beholder?
      • Done.
    • Can you combine some of the shorter paragraphs with others? Particularly, the one about the treaty of the Vors being signed and the one about their alignment during the Clone Wars are very short.
      • Done.
    • "six other avians" --> I thought they were reptile/mammals, not avians?
      • Done.
    • "so-called Galactic Empire" --> I don't think the "so-called" is necessary; it was the Galactic Empire!
      • Done.
    • "ceased to appreciate the visit of aliens." --> This is a bit confusing. Did they stop allowing visitors to come to their planet? Or they just didn't think much of such visits anymore?
      • Done.
    • Ackbar's crash into the Cathedral of the Winds and the aftermath are well described, but the section is pretty long as well and more detailed than any other part of the article. I'd suggest condensing the section considerably and moving the longer version to a new article, titled however you see fit. Ideally, I'd say you need a paragraph about initial overtures and the crash, a paragraph about the Vor reconstruction, a paragraph about the New Republic response (Ackbar's resignation, Wedge and Qwi's visit), and a paragraph about the resolution of the investigation and reopening of the cathedral.
      • Done!
    • I'm not sure why Qwi Xux's moving to Vortex is relevant to the species article; I'd suggest cutting this.
      • Modified, so it mentions that Vors are welcoming visitors once again, which I think is important. What do you think now?
        • The article doesn't need the note that her memory of the event was so strong it couldn't be wiped, but it's much better now. ~ SavageBob 00:00, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
        • This objection take a bit closer of a look, so I'll get back to you later today. ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
    • Perhaps the fact that they lack any hair should be mentioned in "Biology and culture"?
      • Done.
    • Again, why "so-called" Battle of Vortex? Either it was or wasn't a battle...
      • Done.
    • Again, be careful with the "unfortunately" in the description of the battle.
      • Done.
    • In the paragraph about the smugglers' alliance, Calrissian, etc., it's unclear how this has anything to do with Vors. I'm guessing one of these characters discussed is a Vor, but could you clarify who?
      • Done.
    • Do we have an aerobat article? If not, please link the term and make one. Sounds fun!
      • Done.
    • You mention several offworld Vors in the History section (particularly the last few paragraphs); perhaps mention again some of the worlds Vors were known to reside on in the "Vors in the galaxy" section.
      • Done.
    • Can you beef up your captions a bit? Also, it might be a good idea to move pictures closer to text to make the images more illustrative. For example, the Cathedral of the Winds image could be moved to the section of the article talking about that structure.
      • Done.
    • I'll copy edit the article when I get a chance. Good work so far, as always. ~ SavageBob 17:21, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Vor was the name of the only sentient species..." This sounds odd to me. Why the emphasis on their being the only native sentients? Most of our species articles don't do this. I'm also not sure the pronunciation is necessarily; I can't really think of another way to pronounce "Vor" than to rhyme with "for" and "bore."
      • Both removed, even if I digress. "only" added to article on Vortex.
    • Does the Jedi Academy Sourcebook specifically call them avians? Avian redirects to bird, so if so, we need to adjust our articles!
      • Page 117. Omniscient narrator might be metaphorical, but I doubt it.
      • "The Vors are delicate hollow-bone reptilian avian humanoids who ride the winds on lacy wings"
        • Ay-ay-ay... Now they are reptiles, birds, and mammals? C'mon, SW expanded universe authors! :) I suppose that the discussion of their avian-ness should go together where you describe them as mammals and reptiles, then, since they are apparently now part of three families instead of two. I looked up "avian" and, really, the only definition for the word is "of or having to do with birds," so I'm not sure there's any other way. :/ ~ SavageBob 18:17, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • You need a source after "with mammalian features." Sorry if I accidentally deleted it in my copy edit. Did I?
      • Re-added. Tsk, tsk ·;)
    • What do you mean by their eyes occasionally being covered by lids? Did some members of the species not have eyelids, or do you mean they sometimes closed their eyes?
      • Uh, modified.
    • Should the bit about their intelligence go under "society and culture"? I think at least the bit about their being able to work together well should, but maybe all of it would fit in better one section down. I may have more as I continue the copy edit. Désolé! ~ SavageBob 06:36, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
      • Added info to note why it shouldn't go there. And, feel free to keep going, do you worst `:) Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:31, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
        • Bwahahahaha! :P More to come as I copy edit the other sections, maybe. ~ SavageBob 18:17, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • OK, in "Society and culture", the first and second paragraphs both basically say that they were seemingly emotionless but not really, and here's why. The third paragraph, too, has some overlap, where you talk about how they try to avoid conflict. I'm wondering if they should be combined, or perhaps rewritten so that you have one paragraph about how they appear to outsiders, then another paragraph about the true situation (about how they stifle their emotions to maintain harmony and work for the big picture). What do you think? ~ SavageBob 19:32, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
      • Modified to use 1st paragraph to talk about the alien impression; 2nd to talk about the reality Vors hide, and 3rd for anything else. Tell me if you like it.
    • "Those winds were very influential on Vor culture." Can you say how?
      • Hmmm... Don't know what I had in mind when I wrote that. Removed.
    • "which served as their homeworld before any other consideration." I'm not sure what this means. What other consideration?
      • Official alien classification: Homeworld instead of trading center, stronghold or anything. Modified. Better?
    • What does "stethyc" mean? I can't find a definition online. ~ SavageBob 21:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
      • Fixed. I went back to the source as I was spellchecking it, and the source said "aesthetic." -- Darth Culator (Talk) 03:53, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • Was the Cathedral of the Winds only made centuries before 0 BBY? I think the Atlas says that it was millennia before, since it was a Wonder of the Galaxy.
      • Atlas supersedes previous sources; modified.
    • Can you explain "forecasted event"? It was predicted each year? ~ SavageBob 21:28, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
      • "Eagerly awaited"?
    • Do we know that they sided with the Republic in the Clone Wars, or just that their planet fell in Republic-controlled territory?
      • Modified.
    • Do we know who retired the initial offer to join the New Republic? It would be nice to know whether the Republic or the Vors did this, if the sources specify.
      • Sources specify that the Vors did nothing like that. So, it must have been Mothma.
    • I still think the first paragraph of "New Jedi Order and beyond" is beyond the scope of this article, more appropriate to Vortex maybe. I think it's OK to mention Xux going there and being given the job of her choice, but the fact that Luke came to visit and she was torn up about the flute incident, and Dae'shara-whatever was there, these all seem superfluous. The population is important to note, however.
      • OK.
    • Why did they respect Jaina Solo? Do we know?
      • I think because she was a war hero, but OS is not really that specific.
    • Do we know how the Hutt was treated like a Vor? What does it mean to be treated like a Vor? That would be good info to add if it's known.
      • Expanded. Better?
    • "the threat was weighed up" --> can you elaborate what is meant here? Will get to the final two sections soon! ~ SavageBob 19:01, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • Expanded. Better?
    • What is meant by "the dominant tendencies of the galaxy"? Do you mean trends, styles, that kind of thing?
      • Yep. Modified.
    • Do the sources say how aerobats make a living? Do they daredevil fly for their own fun, or do they perform, or what?
      • Seriously, I can't say anything else about aerobats without assuming.
    • The bit about Vortex's spaceport seems more appropriate to "Society and culture" since it doesn't deal with Vors offworld. ~ SavageBob 16:56, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
      • OK. Have a look now.Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
        • One last objection pending (the bit about them being birds as well as mammals and reptiles). The article is looking very, very nice. ~ SavageBob 15:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Eyrezer:
    • Can you recrop the image of the Vor from UAA to include the Vratix? No need for it to be half cropped out like that.
    • Can you add more to the Biol and appearance section about the limbs/hands/feet digits, including the webbing between digits, etc?
      • Better? Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:35, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
        • It looks like they only have three toes as against four fingers. Can you add something on this?
          • Added.
    • The UAA image looks to be yellow in colour. Can you incorporate this into the article?
      • As the image contradicts other sources, that info is already under BtS. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:35, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
    • "the Republic retired the initial offer to join that collective." This is not very clear. Can you reword it? --Eyrezer 08:33, January 27, 2010 (UTC)
    • "but the Vors could both fly and guide with their wings". Is that meant to be glide with their wings?
      • Good catch. Changed.
    • I know your preference is to reference to more than one source, but the phrase "using their wings along with their hollow bones" has 5 sources. Can you cut out a couple of these? It seems overkill for such a short line.
      • Grumble grumble. Better?
    • I added two mentions from the Jedi Counseling series. The second one may have some info you would like to include regarding the ability to use their hands while flying... up to you. --Eyrezer 04:08, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
      • Both added, although I haven't modified the image caption to say that this Vratix and this Vor were friends; I'm never sure if the JC captions are serious or not. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
    • Is there any way you can add in something about the Goa lawah? I know there is very little on them in EGPM, but if you could work ithem in somehow, I think that would be a good idea.
      • Added.
    • In the habitat subsection, could you add the detail from the EGAS on the colours of the plain grasses? --Eyrezer 02:56, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
      • Added.
    • Have you considered mentioning vors-glass? --Eyrezer 05:30, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • "sometimes covering them with their own bodies,[1][2][3][4][5][8]" Way too excessive referencing.
    • "re-echoing, plaintive sound[1] was known as the music of the winds.[1][5]" Could this all be referenced to [1]? --Eyrezer 03:34, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Later that same year, with the war intensifying," You need to actually mention what the war is here. --Eyrezer 09:22, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Stuff:
    • "They returned to that custom in" Wording isn't great. Please rephrase. Maybe "In 11 ABY, they began playing their music again," or something.
    • "The Vors eventually became members of the Republic" You just said that they joined the Republic; thus, this isn't needed. Try to merge the bit about them not having extra-planetary interests elsewhere, or just remove this sentence.
    • "only keeping on and making great efforts to thrive" I don't understand what you are saying here. Is it that people thought they cared only about surviving?
    • Any context on what the Treaty of Vors did?
    • All from me. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:29, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Things:
    • "This was relatively short to allow them to fly, but the Vors could both fly and glide," - The phrasing here is a touch odd.
    • The only other thing that gives me pause is the last paragraph for "Vors in the galaxy," which feels mostly redundant in light of the history section. Otherwise, solid work. Thefourdotelipsis 04:07, May 12, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 00:37, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

  • "[T]hey lived in underground hummocks." I learned a new word, thanks! :) ~ SavageBob 17:21, January 14, 2010 (UTC)