Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Upper City Cantina

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Upper City Cantina

(5 Inqs/2 User/6 Total)

Support

  1. Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 22:06, 18 March 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Graestan(Talk) 12:42, 19 March 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Reads well; informative. Greyman(Talk) 17:10, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
  4. Objections resolved over IRC. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:54, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 01:27, 24 March 2008 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Gonk (Gonk!) 19:08, 28 March 2008 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Not 100% pleased with the images, but I'll let it slide. Nice work. --Imperialles 22:57, 28 March 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From Graestan the Mighty:
    • "duel matches" – Can an alternative term be found?
      • "organized competition" substituted.
    • "It was during this time that the Upper City Cantina was most likely built, when Tarisian ale became a popular export, and where its famous duels and death matches began." – Speculation.
      • Expunged.
    • "Ordo, who had his own plans for breaking the Sith blockade, hoped to recruit the party into performing a raid on the nearby military base in order to secure the launch codes necessary to allow a ship to leave without being destroyed by the auto-targeting laser cannons of the orbiting Sith fleet." – Ponderously long.
      • Busted-up.
    • "Four thousand years later, however, the cantina, and in particular its dueling ring, had been rebuilt, as a Gungan duelist named Twitch was the champion during the Galactic Civil War." – Is the cantina itself mentioned in the source material? If not, we cannot speculate that the structure existed.
      • Eviscerated.
    • Not a big fan of "he/she." Can we say "he or she?"
      • Replaced.
    • "The reasons for this content being cut are unknown." – Unnecessary.
      • Scourged.
    • Graestan(Talk) 01:44, 19 March 2008 (UTC)
  2. More from Graestan the Mighty:
    • No eras tags?
      • Whoopsie. Added.
    • "Barstand" does not appear to be a word.
      • Fixed.
    • File:UCCan layout.jpg should probably have the arena cropped out; it gives the wrong impression as to the location as is—the game probably located it arbitrarily, but on the Upper City map it would be placed outside the cantina, according to this map.
      • Cropped appropriately.
    • The header "Destruction and rebuilding" is no longer appropriate. It could be cut altogether, in my opinion, but this is optional.
      • Amended; now reads "Destruction".
    • Refs 3 and 6 can likely be combined with a longer explanation and the link.
      • Done.
    • Too many sections beginning with "The Upper City Cantina…" reads a bit amateurish.
    • Graestan(Talk) 03:25, 19 March 2008 (UTC)
  3. Toprawa:
    • Please consider altering the bulleted presentation of the cantina's location in the infobox. I think it would be more appropriate to read, simply, without bullets, "Upper City, Taris", and just use a single reference on that
    • Please give a brief elaboration on what she did to warrant a quarantine of the cantina: "which was aimed at preventing the escape of Bastila Shan"
    • This speculation seems to be supported by the sentence in the BTS ("The cantina makes a possible cameo appearance in Star Wars: Empire at War: Forces of Corruption"), and as such is not solid enough for inclusion into the article. I would recommend moving this at the end of that BTS sentence to say something like, "which suggests it may have been rebuilt by the Galactic Civil War.": "...it was likely rebuilt by the time of the Galactic Civil War."
    • Please provide a little context to this, so as to avoid having it sound too much like present tense. I might recommend, "the champion as of [date]." "and the current champion, the Rodian Twitch"...What you have in the "Inhabitants" section is exactly what I'm looking for: "champion during the Jedi Civil War, a Rodian named Twitch"
    • This is kind of POV. Please choose another word. Meager? Destitute? "attempted to dredge out a pitiful existence"
    • Since you're starting out a new section with this sentence, please specify what this is: "The establishment itself, however, was largely unaffected by this"
    • You use "however" here in near subsequent clauses. Please reword one: First: "however, his former friend and master, whom the Sith Lord had attempted to kill one year previously," - Second: "However, Bastila and the amnesiac Revan,"
    • "Unfortunately" is POV. Please reword. This could be remedied simply by saying "unfortunate for [whomever]": "unfortunately, the group became separated,"
    • Please provide a brief description of what this is. Criminal group, or whatever: "the Black Vulkars"
    • This description of Shan, I must presume, seems a bit off-kilter, since you only previously refer to her as a Jedi, not a mere Padawan. Please clarify someplace in the article: "As a last-ditch attempt to prevent the Padawan"
    • I made a small edit here to clear up some clausal confusion. Please confirm what I have written is correct, or otherwise reword to your liking: "Gana Lavin, a young noblewoman accompanied by her friend,"
    • There are four sentences in the BTS that are structured identically, like so: "Something-something, however, something, something..." Please reword at least one of the however's. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:26, 22 March 2008 (UTC)
  4. From the Gonk of Gonk:
  5. *The History section doesn't mention the cantina at all. Some indication of its relevance would be helpful to newcomers to the subject matter. Otherwise it'll feel like the paragraph was taken from some other article and stuck in here.
      • Worked in a mention.
    • The first paragraph of the "Jedi Civil War" section could likewise be more clearly related to the cantina. Much of the preamble could probably be condensed, as well as the last four sentences of the section. Gonk (Gonk!) 20:57, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

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