Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Tyro Caladian

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Tyro Caladian

  • Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:53, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The journey begins. So go.

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:02, June 2, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Quick Watson! The needle! Thefourdotelipsis 06:47, June 4, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Imperialles 13:11, June 7, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 15:37, June 16, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote --Eyrezer 11:28, June 27, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote—Tommy 9281 21:35, June 27, 2010 (UTC)
  7. —Master Jonathan New Jedi Order (Jedi Council Chambers) 20:21, June 28, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Lee attacks
  • Place of death is missing in the infobox.
  • Underlinking in the intro. (death, Jedi)
    • If I may butt in, this an easy {{SoFixIt}}, Lee. JangFett (Talk) 17:25, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
      • I believe I have fixed this during my intro copyedit. -- 1358 (Talk) 17:41, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
      • Anyway, pending expansion of the intro. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:34, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
      • Should be done now. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:30, June 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • Do we really need to source the chapters instead of the novels alone ?
    • Not strictly needed, but neither forbidden. As the character appears sporadically, I think it's better if the exact point is specified. Same rationale as mentioning the exact point of The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:34, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • Sexes is missing in intro and bio.
  • Caladian researched any known illegal activity of Sauro from 21 BBY Sure you mean 21 BBY ?
  • All from me. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:13, May 31, 2010 (UTC)

Before I read through it thoroughly, could you expand the intro a bit? -- 1358 (Talk) 17:41, May 31, 2010 (UTC)

The Dot speaketh from on low
  • I've sectioned up the bio a bit for you, feel free to adjust or rename the sections, but it did need to be split up a bit.
  • "Kenobi and his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker, were tracking a criminal named Granta Omega who, following his leads, had the support of Senator Sano Sauro of Eeropha." - Err, following whose leads? Sorry, this is a tad confusing.
    • "Their" leads. They = Obi & Ani, the only "they" in the sentence. Is that good? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:25, June 4, 2010 (UTC)
      • Oh, right. Following their leads is still a little bit confusing, so I changed it up a bit. Hope that's OK, feel free to tweak it again if it's not, though.
  • Where was the memorial held?
    • OS doesn't specify. Probably Coruscant, as Obi-Wan was to the memorial and back to Tyro's office in a few days, but "probably" is not enough - might have been held anywhere else. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:25, June 4, 2010 (UTC)
  • I've tweaked some of the prose and fixed a few of the mistakes myself, feel free to take a look at those changes. One thing: "catched" is not a word. :P Thefourdotelipsis 12:16, June 3, 2010 (UTC)
L'Imperialles

Alright:

  • Investigating Sauro: "the Svivreni's reputation" Reputation for what? All that's mentioned prior to this is that he's a lawyer and bureaucrat.
    • Expanded so he's said to have a reputation before it is used. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:22, June 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • Investigating Sauro: "considered Sauro an evildoer" Does the source use the word evildoer? Wouldn't "suspected Sauro to be a criminal" be better? It has less of a black/white connotation.
  • Investigating Sauro: "Caladian received Kenobi's visit" This doesn't chime right to me. Would "Caladian was once again visited by Kenobi" work for you?
  • Investigating Sauro: "Caladian researched any known illegal activity of Sauro" Were the activities really known to be illegal? I'm just asking; it would seem weird for a well-known criminal to be allowed to work as a Senator.
  • Aiding and abetting the Jedi: "Kenobi asked Caladian for a loophole, but the Svivreni found nothing to say." This doesn't seem right to me. Would something along the lines of "but the Svivreni was not aware of any" work?
  • Endgame: "but the Svivreni was riddled with blaster fire, apparently aimed at Palpatine." Would "seemingly" perhaps be a better word than "apparently"?
  • P&T: "Caladian became an expert in his chosen field, being this area the knowledge of any rule of the Senate he could need" I can't comprehend this sentence. Any way to reword?
  • BTS: Quote: "Tyro vainly tries to report" I'm not sure "vainly" is the appropriate word in this context.
  • BTS: "related to Palpatine's true nature" True nature as what? This requires some context.
  • Good stuff, I really enjoy reading about the various politicans and bureaucrats of the Republic. --Imperialles 18:31, June 5, 2010 (UTC)
Chack
  • "which was strange as an aide was a lowly target." Is it specified who considered this strange?
  • "He also had a talent to hear almost all the important conversations of the Senate" A bit awkwardly phrased. Maybe change it so it talks about how he was able to hear top-secret conversations, as opposed to saying something so "random" is a talent.
    • Changed. OS says he hears private, or confidential, conversations, no top-secret ones. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:35, June 16, 2010 (UTC)
  • All from me. Chack Jadson (Talk) 18:12, June 15, 2010 (UTC)
Eyrezer
  • A dash of context in the attribution of the first quote in te boi would not go amiss.
  • "He became an anxious, rising bureaucrat". Perhaps the anxious could be reserved for the P&T as it seems to break the sense of the sentence.
  • "a completely legal measure he would later pretend to have done because he was afraid of Caladian." Just checking, this was legal?
    • -I have evidence that you put Tyro Caladian under surveillance. -And why shouldn't I? I don't take kindly to being investigated by young upstart attorneys. I have a legitimate concern as to who exactly this Caladian is and what he wants. The risk of assassination and sabotage are part of this job, and I must take any steps I can to protect myself. If you wish to take it up with the Senate security committee, do so. Kenobi then retreats. Everything looks legal for the corrupt Old Republic. Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:48, June 25, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Caladian discovered that Divinian was preparing a speech for his own nomination" Is this nomination for Supreme Chancellor?
    • In fact it is, but I don't think that detail was important enough for an article on Tyro - obviously it would be for Divinian's article. Nonetheless, added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:48, June 25, 2010 (UTC)
  • I've also added another redlink which brings the total to four. One will have to go.
  • Can you also add a touch of context to the three foes mentioned in the intro? Ie Senator Sauro, etc.
  • Otherwise, very nicely done. --Eyrezer 04:29, June 23, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thank you. Remember, you asked for this specifically. Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:48, June 25, 2010 (UTC)
  • One more: no appropriate images for the bio? --Eyrezer 10:56, June 27, 2010 (UTC)
    • One objection I was fearing. This is the best I can do. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:08, June 27, 2010 (UTC)
      • I like your choice of the Obi-Wan pic. I had in mind a pic of Sauro, but of course there is not one. Re, the Svivreni pic, you wouldn't prefer this one in color: File:Kitalic Nirasik.jpg? --11:18, June 27, 2010 (UTC)
        • Thank you, but I'd rather say "This guy was a [species] like this generic individual that could even be him" than "Sano Sauro was a Human, enjoy a picture of Bikini Leia who was a Human too". --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:22, June 27, 2010 (UTC)
          • Heh. And better Tyro walking up stairs than Tyro with a gadderfii... :P --Eyrezer 11:28, June 27, 2010 (UTC)
From the Council Chambers:

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 21:35, June 28, 2010 (UTC)