- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Teckla Minnau
- Nominated by: CC7567 (talk) 05:00, January 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: A return to the FAN page…with TCWized film stuff! A GA from a long time ago.
(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
Pre-nommed. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 05:04, January 19, 2011 (UTC)- 1358 (Talk) 19:28, January 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:18, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
I saw you working on this and was excited. Good stuff. — Fiolli; 14:14, January 20, 2011 (UTC)- IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 21:26, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
Object
Toprawa
It would seem, at least from the Invasion of Naboo article, that "Invasion" should be capitalized in the title of the conflict. The article de-capitalizes it upon first mention, but capitalizes it upon all successive mentions. Can you speak to whether it should be capped or not? "as part of its invasion of Naboo" and "Within a decade of the Invasion of Naboo"- At the first mention, I was trying to refer to the Federation's attack itself, but I wasn't entirely sure about whether "Invasion" should be capitalized or not, since it was its attack, not the event. I simply can't decide with the current ambiguity (or if I might just be misinterpreting it), so I worded around it.
This sentence is rather repetitive. See if you can't combine the bits about them staying and serving her on Naboo: "Minnau served Amidala on Naboo, and while Amidala worked in the Senate on the galactic capital of Coruscant, Minnau and Nandi remained on Naboo to manage"- I was trying to get in the "Minnau served Amidala on Naboo" bit from the Clone Card, but it just doesn't seem to be working out, so it's been removed.
Technically Anakin isn't a Knight at this point, which Amidala even enjoys pointing out during their stay much to his embarrassment. I would suggest changing this to just "Jedi" or "Jedi Padawan" or something to your preference: "Amidala returned to Naboo with a Jedi Knight bodyguard, Anakin Skywalker"- Oh blah, forgot that. :P Changed to "Jedi."
The article uses "stirring" and "stirred" twice within consecutive sentences to describe the effect of Amidala's speech on the Senate. Please choose a different adjective or verb to describe this: "Amidala provided a stirring account" and "Her address stirred the Senate"- Don't know how I missed that; "stirring" changed to "moving."
I would recommend removing Galactic Campaign Guide from the Sources list. The first name "Teckla" is only included among a list of common Human female names for RPG purposes, and it doesn't necessarily correlate to this character at all. The purpose of this RPG segment, in fact, is to show that the name is actually fairly common among Humans in the galaxy. Leaving it as a BTS mention should suffice.Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:35, January 20, 2011 (UTC)- Sure thing; I also tried adding to the article that her name was fairly common, so see what you think. Thanks for the review. :) CC7567 (talk) 06:13, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Looks good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:18, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Sure thing; I also tried adding to the article that her name was fairly common, so see what you think. Thanks for the review. :) CC7567 (talk) 06:13, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 05:09, January 26, 2011 (UTC)