- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Starbreaker 12
- Nominated by: IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 03:08, October 26, 2009 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Quite possibly one of the oddest looking ships in SW. In fact, all of the TOTJ ships look weird.
(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
- There are a couple of things below I haven't stricken, but they're mostly my preference, so I won't oppose based on them. Good work! ~ SavageBob 21:08, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 10:29, January 27, 2010 (UTC)- Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:53, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
A strange-looking ship indeed. Jonjedigrandmaster (We seed the stars) 23:12, April 5, 2010 (UTC)- Do continue to watch your linking, though. CC7567 (talk) 05:22, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
- — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:31, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
Object
- Prepare to be savaged...
I think the "Description" section is a bit sparse. You could say a lot more about the ship just from looking at pictures of it. It's hull is uneven, it has a mass of tendril-like protrusions below the cockpit, its extremities are connected by wire, its side-born engines glow yellow, etc.- Addressed.
"With supplies low, many starship operators began running supplies to the Tetan forces, including the Daragons in the Shadow Runner." This line is confusing, since its ambiguous whether "the Daragons" refers to the supply runners or the Tetan forces. I know which it is from context, but can you clarify it a bit?- Addressed.
Context for Aarbra.- I do give him context by saying that he owned Aarrba's Repair Dock.
- I guess I'd like to see his species mentioned there too, but I won't oppose based on my personal preference. :) ~ SavageBob 21:07, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
- I do give him context by saying that he owned Aarrba's Repair Dock.
"Now in possession of the Starbreaker 12, Gav and Jori Daragon did indeed become hyperspace trailblazers..." The "now in possession of the Starbreaker 12" part is redundant, since the previous paragraph tells us that they now had the ship.- Addressed.
Overall, Starbreaker 12 is repeated a bit too much. Can you replace every so often with "the ship" or "the Daragons' ship" or another synonym?- Addressed.
"The Starbreaker 12 was kept in Aarrba's hangar while the Daragons searched for the means to pay for its repairs." Again, the previous paragraph says exactly this, so there's no need to repeat it here.- Addressed;
Pronouns for the ship: In places you use it, in others you use she and her. I'm not sure what Wookieepedia policy is, but can you homogenize the usage in the article?- Addressed.
"Upon landing, however, the Daragons were promptly arrested by the natives." The previous sentence tells us they landed, so "upon landing" is unnecessary.- Addressed.
Context for Khar Delba.- Addressed.
- "After this incident, the Starbreaker 12 was protected by Ludo Kressh and his personal guards in its Ziost holding bay." "After this incident" is redundant; the reader will assume events are chronological unless you say otherwise.
- Addressed.
"cunning Dark Lord Naga Sadow." Cunning sounds POV.- Addressed.
"Kressh arrived at the scene after the Starbreaker 12 had been stolen, and initially thought that it was a Republic attack." Again, no need to repeat that the ship had been stolen.- I wasn't repeating the fact; I was simply placing Kressh's arrival in the context of previous events.
"Narrowly avoiding a catastrophic impact, Jori Daragon attempted to inform them of the Sith." The previous sentence tells us she avoided collision, so no need to repeat it here.- Addressed.
- That's it. Good work! It's hard to make a ship article interesting IMO. ~ SavageBob 15:54, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
- The Grand Master
"…until the scheming Sith Lord Naga Sadow launched an attack" Link for this attack? (Please link it in the body as well)- Addressed.
Link for Sadow's fortress on Khar Delba? (Intro and body, both)- Addressed.
"…lead him back to the Galactic Republic to launch an attack." Are you referring to the Great Hyperspace War? If so, please link. (In the body as well)- Addressed.
Link for Kirrek's "rebel forces?"- Created and linked.
In this article you say that Primus Goluud is a red dwarf star, whereas its article and most other articles referring to it claim that it is a supergiant. Which is correct?- I was wrong. Fixed.
In the intro you say Kahorr sent assassins, but in the body you say it was bounty hunters; I know they're pretty much the same thing, but please be consistent.- Addressed.
"Soon, however, the guards came under attack by forces affiliated with the Dark Lord Naga Sadow." Linky?- Addressed.
Does the Starbreaker 12 appear in each and every comic in the two arcs you have listed? According to the comic pages themselves, the Starbreaker 12 is mentioned only in Forces in Collision and is destroyed in First Encounter, meaning it can't appear in the fourth and fifth issues of the arc. Remember to list the specific comics in which it appears, and not just the arc.- Addressed. Sorry about that, but it does appear in all of the Golden Age of the Sith issues.
- Again, as a note, please watch your linking, I have taken care of several issues in my copy-edit; please take note of them so that you know to avoid them in the future. Also remember to watch for tense in the prose—try to avoid using phrasing like "In their endeavors, the ship was usually damaged, and would have to be repaired often by Aarrba" as this use of "would have" is not past-tense. Also remember to watch for tense-shifting in the BTS. Jonjedigrandmaster (We seed the stars) 23:27, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
Comments
- Would it be possible to swap the placement of the second and third images as far as which one is left-justified and which one is right-justified? The one of the Daragons looking leftward would be better placed on the right of the page, as their gaze would then lead the viewer's eye into the text rather than away from it. Just a suggestion! ~ SavageBob 22:26, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 16:31, April 7, 2010 (UTC)