Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Second Battle of Onderon (Naddist Uprising)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Second Battle of Onderon

(6 Inqs/1 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote The wheel in the sky keeps on turning... Chack Jadson (Talk) 01:09, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Great!--Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 06:12, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Graestan(Talk) 11:49, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:32, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 02:23, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Greyman@wikia(Talk) 00:18, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 00:39, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Object

  • All the Naddist vehicles in the infobox should be linked to articles, even if they're those infamous conjecturally titled vehicle articles. And Republic trooper should be a redirect to something, most likely Republic Army. -LtNOWIS 19:11, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Addressed. Thank you for looking. Much of this information I got from the TOTJ/DLOTS audio, but I think that I can just pipelink the types of vehicles thse items are, as they are pretty much general use anyway.—Tommy9281(Safe harbor, my friend.) 20:16, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
  • *Hmm, I guess we generally don't have conjectural articles for types of artillery, though we probably should. But the "Dark side assault shuttle" should have it's own article, as should the siege vehicles. You shouldn't link to war machine, as I believe that's a specific different model of vehicle. It's better to create a new, conjectural article like Jedi skiff. Or just keep it a redlink, since you can have a couple of those.-LtNOWIS 04:05, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
  1. From the demented desk of Chack Jadson:
    • The FAN template is not on the article. Please add it.
      • Addressed.
    • Expand the intro please.
      • Addressed.
    • Third paragraph has the wrong tense.
      • Addressed.
    • Link Satal and Aleema when they’re first mentioned.
      • Addressed.
    • "In truth, they had come to Coruscant in search of knowledge of the ancient Sith, and more specifically, for anything related to the dark side." May just be me, but this sentence seems to need some rewording to me. Perhaps cut the part out about the Sith, because the dark side is more broad than the Sith, IMO.
      • Addressed.
    • "The real prize was Master Arca Jeth, whom King Ommin captured while Ulic and Warb Null dueled." A change to "attempted to capture" might be better.
      • Addressed.
    • I don't see a link to Oron Kira before the last paragraph of Trouble in Iziz, so please link that.
      • Addressed.
    • There needs to be some context between these two sentences. "The Ketos were able to escape the wreckage with their lives, and managed to seek out authentic practitioners of the dark side. These darksiders in turn brought them before Onderon's ruler, the Sith sorcerer King Ommin." How did they find a darksider?
      • Addressed.
    • De-link Oss, Tott and Cay the second time.
      • Addressed.
    • These two sentences are a bit droll. "Nomi was alright, and told Ulic that it was an old man who attacked her through the Force. Ulic immediately knew it to be King Ommin. He told Nomi that Ommin ruled Onderon under the power of Sith magic, and that he also managed to subdue Master Arca with it."
      • Addressed.
    • Again, please de-link Freedon Nadd and Tetan.
      • Addressed.
    • Same with Ommin, Nadd and Tetan in Aftermath.
      • Addressed.
    • No need for italics for Republic army and capitalize Onderon here: "It is here that she is chosen to lead not the Jedi, but the Republic Fleet in the battle for Onderon. Also, the other Jedi Knights that arrived on onderon in the comic with Nomi, were nowhere mentioned in the audio drama."
      • Addressed.
    • Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:33, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
    • Preliminary objections:
    • I've tinkered with your infobox a little bit, but it's still kind of messy, and I'd like to try and clean it up a little bit with your assistance. Please discuss this with me in IRC.
      • I'll be in & out, looking for you.
    • Your image arrangement is just not good. The first half of the article is virtually blank and then the second half is suddenly cluttered with tiny, hard-to-see images. This needs to be handled somehow. I would recommend removing a few that don't necessarily need to be there, specifically the picture of Aleema and Satal.
      • That's funny you mention that, because I've been conflicted about some of the images myself, particularly the one with Arca & Nadd (which technically happened in the battle before). I'll move some around, I just have to figure out the new arrangement.
        • Addressed.
    • I would like to see an expansion of this sentence elaborating on what the Onderonian threat is, specifically: "hearing called to discuss the growing Onderonian threat."
      • Addressed.
    • You would probably do well to expand the introduction in general, doing what you can to elaborate on the concepts you introduce.
      • Addressed.
    • Your introduction sentence in the first section of the article needs to do a better job of summing up the history of events leading up to this point. You just drop the reader into the situation as if he knows what's happening. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:18, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Addressed.
    • This sentence is really rough. Too many "Jedi's" and tense confusion. Please rewrite: "The Tchuukthai Jedi implored the assembly to come to the Jedi's aid, reminding them that the Jedi have aided the Republic for generations."
      • Addressed.
    • Additionally, the rest of that paragraph is unnecessarily PBP and needs to be heavily condensed. Avoid overly wordy sentences, and do not refer to people by their first names. Full name upon first mention, last names for all subsequent mentions, please.
      • Addressed.
    • Little context for Beast Riders, please: "the Jedi and Beast Riders"
      • Addressed.
    • The last two paragraphs of the "Trouble in Iziz" section are in need of a complete rewrite while remembering to never assume that reader knows what something or someone is. Don't just throw the reader into a situation with no background introduction, and please condense anything that is unnecessary to primary scope of this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:17, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Addressed, I believe.
    • This needs some kind of context. The descriptions tells me who she is, Ommin's daughter, but why is the daughter of the enemy siding with the Jed? Very brief context needed here: "Qel-Droma and Queen Galia escaped the tunnels, closely followed by a contingent of her father's Dark Side Army."
      • Addressed, with your assistance.
    • This phrase is just really too euphemistic. Please just succinctly say he died, and how: "Kark became one with the Force when he met an untimely end on the battlefield."
      • Addressed.
    • Please link to whatever his apparatus article is: "depending on a steel armature for physical support"
      • Addressed.
    • Please think of a better section title than "King Ommin." That doesn't tell me what's happening in there, except that Ommin is somehow involved.
      • Addressed.
    • Please tack a little bit onto where it says Ommin died that Novar died as well, to supplement your infobox Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:04, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Addressed.
  3. Grass clippings:
    • File:Tales of the Jedi - The Freedon Nadd Uprising 031.jpg has visible frame and quite a bit of distortion; I suggest a rescan. File:2ndBattleOfOnderon.jpg could stand to have the bottom of that dialogue box cropped out. File:JediStrikeForce.jpg should have that yellow at bottom cropped out. What is that?
      • Addressed, though I don't see what you are seeing as far as the JediStrikeForce.jpg goes. I think you and I use two different monitors...
        • The yellow at bottom right. Also, that dialogue box in the other image is still there. Graestan(Talk) 17:15, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
    • The article for the Stenness Node provides an interesting account regarding Onderon's proximity to Stennes. Did the audio adaptation say they were nearby? If not, please remove the statement.
      • Addressed.
    • Nomi as Jedi General? Really? If that term is not used in the source material, please omit it.
      • Funny you say that, because she specifically states that she isn't a military commander in the audio. Addressed.
    • Not too keen on beginning that next paragraph with the word "simultaneously." Please find an alternative, maybe a longer phrase.
      • Addressed.
    • "Dejected that they could not decipher the book's text, the Ketos' hope was renewed" – Some agreement issues, here. Please reword.
      • Addressed.
    • Not too keen on referring to Onderon as "the dark side world." Korriban, Ziost, sure, but not Onderon. Please find different wording.
      • Addressed.
    • "Under the guidance … was instructed" is redundant.
      • Addressed.
    • "the Qel-Droma boys" has to go, I'm afraid.
      • Addressed.
    • Please explain how and why the assorted other Jedi were trapped in Kira's citadel.
      • Addressed.
    • Second paragraph of "Jedi offensive" could use a rewrite. Tense issues (perfect/imperfect), a bit of confusion in the actions, and the "swooned" bit is a bit of a reach. The sentence containing two "intos" needs to be revised, also.
      • Addressed.
    • "All this was happening while" is a bit awkward, also.
      • Addressed.
    • Please revise your statements in the BtS, taking into account Greyman's interview of Tom Veitch. This at least sets up FNU as a one-shot, not the prelude you suggest.
      • Addressed, with assistance from Greyman.
    • Graestan(Talk) 00:14, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
  4. Image objections:
    --Imperialles 13:40, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Addressed, with assistance from Greyman. When you have time, please find me in IRC. I owe you an apology. And also, thanks for looking.—Tommy(Clean face and hands)The Anvil 19:14, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Thanks to you both. :) --Imperialles 15:47, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 03:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)