Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Rianna Saren

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Rianna Saren

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:22, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: My first-ever GA, now complete with the PSP info and (I believe) worthy of the shiny star.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Good job. --Xd 15:06, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Nice work, QuiGon.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:01, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 00:47, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:41, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote --Eyrezer 14:41, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Very nice. I reviewed this originally on GAN, and it's enjoyable to see how it has progressed to this point. Good work. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:33, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 17:15, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Since you use it in the infobox, can you incorporate her approximate birth date into the bio? CC7567 (talk) 06:10, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • Done. Also tweaked the birth date footnote. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:08, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Stuff:
    • "Saren, however, clang on Zeeo, and they escaped from their pursuers, flying through the heavy Coruscant traffic" This is confusing. "Clang on?" Please clarify this bit.
      • Addressed.
    • "Only then did Saren discover that the Rebellion did truly exist." I'd suggest adding (if applicable) that she had heard about it before but had doubted it, or something.
      • Addressed.
    • In the beginning of "a change of heart" you start consecutive sentences with after. Please vary one of them.
      • Addressed.
    • "which were powered by three memory matrix" Should this be matrices?
      • Yes, it should.
    • Aside from this, very nice. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:39, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Eyrezer:
    • "Saren was sold into Imperial slavery to the Zabrak Zarien" vs "she was enslaved by Zarien Kheev". These two don't match up. Can you fix whichever is wrong?
      • Addressed.
    • In the intro you say she escaped on Coruscant, but the bio has her escaping and then winding up on Coruscant. Please fix this.
      • Addressed.
    • "A change of heart" In this section, can you add some description to the prison? It sounds like it must be underground. Some context like this would be good. Likewise, some more context at the tail end of the previous section; ie, "Kheev retreated, and Saren continued after him. When Saren caught up with him again". It is difficult to get a sense of where this is supposed to be occuring.
      • Addressed.
        • Much better
    • There seems to be a few details unique to the "Stars of Star Wars" article that are missing from the article. For instance, removing the restraining bolt, Zeeo's knowledge of slave trade, specifying Mos Eisley, etc.
      • That article repeats the information found on the Lethal Alliance website, and it seems that I missed these tidbits. I've added them now, and I can't see any other unique information.
    • Can she also understand Wookiee? --Eyrezer 11:58, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Just one, in the BTS: "but Kheev suddenly appears behind backed by stormtroopers" Behind what/who? Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 16:12, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Toprawa:
    • Can we clarify how she's "flying" through Coruscant traffic? In an airspeeder, perhaps? "Saren, however, clung to Zeeo, and they escaped from their pursuers, flying through the heavy Coruscant traffic to a rendezvous point with Katarn."
    • Can we also clarify what's happening here a little? It just reads kind of randomly strange that this security droid has flying abilities. Maybe add a little in to the extent of "flying with the use of built-in rockets" or whatever the case may be: "Once on Mustafar, Saren infiltrated the facility by flying there on Zeeo"
      • After reading through the remainder of this article, I'm going to assume, concerning the first objection before this one, that she's flying through Coruscant on Zeeo? If so, I would suggest adding the description of Zeeo's flying abilities at that point.
        • Added the description of Zeeo's abilities, which hopefully should address both objections.
    • I'm assuming the game makes it clear whether this an Imperial Star Destroyer or not? If so, please specify. "Imperial-class Star Destroyer" would suffice: "in addition, a Star Destroyer was blocking the way off-planet."
      • Addressed.
    • Link/redlink for this other slave? "Saren soon found another Twi'lek slave"
      • Addressed.
    • I've added the following into the "A change of heart" section to give a little more context of the Despayre situation. I'm not sure if this can be directly sourced to the references you currently have in that paragraph, so please reference this as necessary. And my apologies for the trouble if so: "Despayre served as the Death Star's construction site, and the Empire used many of the planet's slaves as the battlestation's labor force."
    • The same deal with this, which I've also added, regarding the destruction of Despayre: "as a test of its functionality"
      • Both are fine. This information is attributable to Lethal Alliance.
    • What is "the communication center?" Just one of many communication centers aboard the Death Star? This is just a very vague, general reference. Please clarify: "After reaching the communication center"
      • The game is quite vague on this subject. From what I can tell, it is supposed to be the only communication center on the Death Star.
    • I'm somewhat confused by the "that is described above" wording here. Is this intended to mean it's different from the Nintendo DS version presented in the article? If so, I would suggest wording it that way to be clear: "is completely different from the Nintendo DS version's that is described above"
      • Addressed.
    • Is there no information from the SWGTC card? If not, can we make mention in the BTS of her inclusion in the set? This can go with the similar CSWE BTS mention.
      • According to Mauser, there is no new information, only a quote. Mentioned her inclusion in the set, though.
    • I would request you use the citeweb template for the external links referenced in reference notes 12 and 13. If you need help with this, please ask and I can show you. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:51, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
      • Yes, please. Your help would be appreciated. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 11:58, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
        • Ok, I've added in the citeweb template for both. I think everything is formatted correctly. Basically all that needs to be done is to go here and use that template for any external link you reference. It's very similar to citing websites for a scholarly paper, and the instructions are explained fairly well on that page. Pretty much just fill in the blanks. Good job on the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:33, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 17:15, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

  • Not really objection worthy, but could you mention in the BTS that she received an entry in the CSWE?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:12, March 16, 2010 (UTC)