Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Rescue of Rahm Kota

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Rescue of Rahm Kota

  • Nominated by: Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 01:58, August 5, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:My first FAnom. It's not for the Barn-Burner, but I've been looking forward to doing this for a long time.

(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Good work.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 12:47, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:04, August 16, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 06:36, October 30, 2011 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Stellar stuff! Cheers to what will no doubt be your first FA. Happy Holidays! Menkooroo 20:55, December 24, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 22:14, January 1, 2012 (UTC)
  6. Plagueis327-- Best level of the game by far, well done! 16:30, Januart 6, 2011 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Sorry about the delay.—Tommy 9281 Sunday, January 8, 2012, 20:15 UTC

Object

Exiled Jedi
  • I think you should mention Tarko-se earlier in the article's introduction.
    • Uhh, I'm afraid that I don't get what you mean. Tarko-se Arena is mentioned in like the second sentence.
      • Oh, unless you meant something more like the last change I made.
  • You should probably mention Tarko-se earlier in the article's body as well.
    • Could you please clarify here, too.
      • Check out my last change.
  • In the BTS, "People had the opportunity to play through this mission..." probably needs to be reworded so that it says that the Force Unleashed video game had a level that included this mission.
    • Done.
  • Other than these minor problems and a few missed links that I fixed, this article is very good.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 15:40, August 7, 2011 (UTC)
Jujiggum
  • "Kota's independant streak finally got him into trouble" POV/OR wording here.
    • Removed.
  • Context for AT-MP.
    • Check that out.
  • Could you use less-colloquial wording than "wised up"
    • Fixed.
  • The article's images feel cluttered. Please see if you can space them out a bit more
    • Hmm, try that.
  • Got to run; I'll pick up where I left off asap. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 15:54, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
  • "Clearing several of the rooms…" Is "clearing" supposed to mean that he defeated the Imperial forces and Acolytes? If so, could you be more clear about that?
    • Fixed.
  • "However, the tram was attacked by Imperial air forces, including several TIE fighters and the Nemesis-class gunship, en route, forcing Starkiller to defend it, though it still sustained heavy damage despite his best efforts." Grammar.
    • Done.
  • "fell out of the sky" sounds like it just came out of nowhere. Is there any way this could be reworded?
    • Got it.
  • Do we have an article for Tarko's Neimoidian aide? If not, can you create one, or at least redlink it?
    • Heh, actually it's one of my current CAnoms.
  • "As the two fell…" There are three of them. Which two? Kota and Gorog or Kota and Starkiller?
    • Fixed.
  • "The ship swooped beneath them…" Again, you haven't specified who "they" or "them" is, so for all the reader knows the Gorog is still included here.
    • Done.
  • You say that Kota desired "to use the clone's powers" but that Kota also denied that he was truly a clone. If Kota didn't believe Starkiller was a clone, then Kota did not want to use a "clone's powers"…
    • Got it.
  • Why would Kota think the Rogue Shadow had always been Starkiller's? Unless you specifically state that it had previously been used by Marek, that makes no sense at all.
  • "…and demanding to be let out on the nearest spaceport before Starkiller got 'lost in the stars' as Kota put it." Grammar; and is there any way we can we reword so as to avoid the direct quotation?
    • Done.
      • A few things here: You've changed this to say: "Kota demanding to be let out on the nearest spaceport before Starkiller got lost in the stars, as Kota put it." First, the grammar is more blatantly incorrect than before; and second, I think you misunderstood my request regarding the quotations. If the line is taken from the source, then you have to use the quotations. However, I asked that you reword the line, so that you're not taking it directly from the source—such verbatim wording is something we usually try to avoid whenever possible. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 02:58, August 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • A battle didn't "ensue" Eclipse's capture. Eclipse's capture by Fett happened during the battle itself.
    • Got it.
  • Parts of the first two paragraphs of the Aftermath section are a bit too play-by-play.
    • Hmm, not really sure what I could change around, but take another look at it.
      • Parts of this are more like what belongs in character articles than in the aftermath of a mission article. Take the way you describe their conversation and see if you can condense it. (This is now mostly just in the second paragraph.) Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 02:58, August 16, 2011 (UTC)
        • Hmm, try that.
  • "…written by author Sean Williams, which was published on October 5, 2010." This technically says that Sean Williams was published; not the novel.
    • Fixed.
  • Unsourced item in the infobox.
    • Done.
  • Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 21:03, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
  • One more: "capture" is repetitive in the last sentence of the Aftermath.
    • Fixed.
  • Also, as a note: there were several minor common grammatical mistakes I've fixed in my copyedits. The most prominent (and a lot of people overlook these) is the usage of a conditional term such as "would" that can, under certain circumstances, actually change the tense. Also remember to avoid contractions such as "wouldn't." Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 02:58, August 16, 2011 (UTC)
QGJ
  • I think the "Aftermath" section could use an expansion with the information from the comic book regarding Fett's arrival and encounter with the Gorog. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:34, September 25, 2011 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • More as a preliminary than as part of an official review, which is pending: is Kota a General or a Jedi General? Whichever one he primarily is, that should be the rank primarily referred to (or at least initially referred to) when mentioning his rank. I started to correct the inconsistencies throughout the article myself, but I got too confused by the inconsistencies. Please rectify. CC7567 (talk) 07:18, October 28, 2011 (UTC)
Iggins!!
  • The intro calls Galen Marek a Jedi, but that doesn't seem like the most accurate descriptor, as he wasn't affiliated with any of the Jedi Orders.
    • He was a Jedi, even if he wasn't affiliated with a Jedi Order. It is something like Aryn Leneer. She is still called a Jedi, even when she leaves the Order. What do you think?
      • I think you're right. :D Maybe call him that in the body, too, just so that it's not intro-exclusive.
  • Can you mention the Empire earlier in the intro? It's not really clear who captures Kota and places him in the arena, or who the failed raid was against.
    • Done.
  • Can you link Cato Neimoidian bridge city somewhere in the article?
  • Up to "The Gorog." Good work so far. Sorry I don't have time to review all at once! Menkooroo 13:26, November 6, 2011 (UTC)
  • Sorry for the lateness. Is the Wii version really non-canon? It might be better to note in the bts that the article follows the X-Box version because it matches the book; I don't think we can declare something non-canon without word from above.
    • I suppose it's not really been considered non-canon per se. It's just that it has an alternate story line that doesn't follow the canon story line. I'll change it.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 15:25, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
  • "unceremoniously" seems a touch POV.
    • Removed.
  • The BTS's description of the Wii version alternates between past and present tense. Regarding Premier's question below: The detail is probably necessary, but it could definitely use less paragraphs. Menkooroo 15:19, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
    • Switched it all to present tense, since it's describing what happens in the Wii version, rather than describing an actual IU story. I've also tried to merge some of the paragraphs together. See what you think.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 15:40, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
  • OK! I finally finished. I have just a couple more: Is there any sort of indirect mention of this event in the comic adaptation? Does Fett say anything like "What happened here?" or is there narration that hints at a battle having taken place?
    • Added.
  • And one more: Are there any character lines exclusive to the Wii version that could be used as a BTS leading quote? An image from the Wii version, of like the Gorog without his hat or something, would also really benefit the article, as the BTS is currently a huge imageless hunka text. Menkooroo 17:14, December 5, 2011 (UTC)
    • I don't have access to the Wii version, so maybe CP could help out a little here?--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 17:22, December 5, 2011 (UTC)
      • Hi there! The quotes are all the same, and as for pictures, I really don't have time to get one in the next few days, but I will get as soon as I can. Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 18:34, December 5, 2011 (UTC)
        • Great. Thanks for stopping by. I'll see if I can dig up some pics from someone, too. If I can get someone to upload some first, I'll let you know. Thanks again.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 22:20, December 5, 2011 (UTC)
R.I.P. Heavy D
  • "Unbeknownst to Kota, Vader had initiated a clandestine project to create a more powerful version of Marek, who had once been his apprentice—" Because he was both of their apprentice at different times, you'll need to specify who you're talking about at "who had once been his apprentice—".
    • Done.
  • The "However, his motives were more influenced by a desire to find Captain Juno Eclipse, the woman with whom his progenitor had fallen in love" becomes a little unwieldy with the subsequent "than they were by his concern for Kota's well-being."
    • Got it.
  • "Starkiller fought his way to the arena" says all of "After a brief battle with the soldiers under the command of the local Imperial Governor, Baron Merillion Tarko, Starkiller fought his way to the arena."
    • Fixed.
  • The rest of that para becomes slightly PBP. You can convey the entirety of your points and information in half that.
    • Not sure what more can be broke down. But take a look.
  • Was Kota specifically referred to as "Jedi General"?
    • I don't believe so. I believe I just took it to mean that he was a Jedi General, since he was a General, and he was a Jedi.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 14:34, November 10, 2011 (UTC)
  • The rest of the body gets rather PBP. There is much that needs to be summarized and tightened up.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, November 9, 2011, 22:26 UTC
  • Consecutive durings in the beginning of the Prelude.
    • Switched around.
  • "Starkiller ignited his dual lightsabers," Does the source specifically state that these lightsabers could be joined together?
  • "The Rescue's" second para becomes rather PBP, a problem that continues in the following para. See if you can work that out.
  • The PBP continues from here as well. I'm well versed in the game myself and I feel like I'm playing it, button pushes and all. I'll continue after you take care of this. Also heed the changes I made myself and determine whether such repetitions and such are persistent.—Tommy 9281 Sunday, December 11, 2011, 23:39 UTC
    • For all of those, I've tried to tighten it up where possible without detracting from what I consider to be necessary detail. How does it look now?--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 23:23, December 13, 2011 (UTC)
The Premier
  • Would it be appropriate to include how the Wii version differs from the primary Xbox version? I am in the process of compiling said information if you need it. Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 21:38, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
    • Perhaps in the BTS section. That would be something to think about, though. Since the Xbox version has been deemed the "canon" storyline since it follows the book, the Wii version is not really "canon."

Comments

  • Just thought of something else. Since the original announcement trailer is Starkiller in the arena vs. the Gorog, should that be mentioned in the sources? Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 21:40, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
    • Yeah, I would say so. We usually don't use promotional material as sources unless they provide new, canonical information, and it seems that was the case when the rescue was first mentioned, even if only indirectly. CC7567 (talk) 21:47, November 11, 2011 (UTC)