Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Raik Muun

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Raik Muun

  • Nominated by: Jinzler 15:34, November 13, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A crazy Dark Jedi

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 22:11, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:53, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 03:39, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:06, March 28, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote --Eyrezer 03:25, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Assuming Tommy's objections get fixed. I was about to place a couple and realized that they overlapped. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:00, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote—Tommy 9281 22:47, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. From the Council Chambers:
    • Since this article is based on RPG adventures, I think it needs {{RPG}} and {{Endgame}}, though I'm not sure.
      • The templates are meant to be used in situations where it is uncertain whether or not something is canonical, like if something happens only as a result of a choice made by RPG players, where they have alternate options available. I have tried to write the article in such a way that avoids those situations by just stating the plain facts established about Muun in the scenarios, but in comparison with some other RPG characters, there isn't that much that the players can do to alter the actions of Muun. Therefore, I believe I have avoided needing to use the templates and I have stated in the BTS the few instances where the facts are uncertain, ie in Force Convention her powers vary with player tier and in Echoes of the Jedi she may or may not be killed. However, I am quite happy to add the templates if you feel they are necessary. --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • "and was defeated when they were attacked by a group of Alderaanian Resistance agents.": "Defeated" is a bit unclear. Was she captured, killed, etc., or does the source just not give any more detail? This same issue is also in the last sentence of the bio.
      • Echoes of the Jedi is unclear about whether or not she is killed, as the player characters only have to defeat her, so it is theoretically possible for them not to have to do so, ie they could knock her out or something. As her fate is uncertain, I have chose not to speculate too much, although I have mentioned in the BTS that it is possible for the Resistance agents to kill her. --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Muun then entered the cantina and walked over to a group of tough-looking people, who were sitting at a table near the door. She gave them a gesture that suggested that she wanted a fight, causing them to laugh at her.": After the first five words, the rest of this is a little too play-by-play and unnecessary.
      • Cut down --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • "However, Master Kirlocca had hired a group of freelance agents known as the "Heroes of Cularin" to find Lawsirk": Is "Heroes of Cularin" an actual canonical name? If not, it should be pipelinked and the instances in the "Attack on the Luxury" section quote and later in that section should be reworded, as conjectural names are OOU.
      • It is a canonical name and is used on many occasions throughout the Living Force campaign --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • "to try and delay the Heroes of Cularin from further interfering with her plans. In a further attempt to slow down the agents,": "Further" is repetitive.
      • Fixed --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • Otherwise, looks good. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:08, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Attack of the Clone
    • Can you clarify the distinction between "Near-Human" and "Human half-breed"? Unless they hold equal importance, only one should be chosen for consistency.
      • Clarified, now it just calls her a Human half-breed --Jinzler 22:35, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
    • Is she Force-sensitive? It would be better if you can directly clarify this, if possible.
      • Clarified --Jinzler 22:35, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
    • Please avoid using too many "then"s, as it gives an unneeded sense of chronology.
      • Cut down --Jinzler 22:35, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
    • Can you somehow vary up the usages of "blocked" in the "Searching for the t'salak" section?
      • Fixed --Jinzler 22:35, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
    • "F'Lopo filmed the whole attack, and the footage was confiscated by the Office of Peace and Security. The footage was passed on to the Almas Jedi, and the attack was attributed to Nek Lawsirk." Can this be shortened at all? I'm unsure if all of this is directly relevant to Muun.
      • Shortened --Jinzler 22:35, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
    • Will continue with "Attack on the Luxury" as soon as these are fixed. CC7567 (talk) 07:56, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • "aboard the liner Luxury near to Rennokk, a moon of Cularin": please reword; the "near to" isn't a proper idiom.
      • Reworded --Jinzler 23:44, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
    • "so that its crew would be able to sabotage the conference": whose crew? Please be clearer here.
      • Clarified --Jinzler 23:44, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
    • Please be consistent and clarify the dual Qornah Holocron/Qornah holocron capitalization.
      • Fixed --Jinzler 23:44, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'd recommend that you continue to watch your linking and try to avoid excessively using the colloquial "so," as multiple usages—especially used incorrectly—tend to create a lack of interesting writing. I know that you're a good writer and that you're able to vary it up more, so please do so in the future. CC7567 (talk) 04:25, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks for your advice, I will try to follow what you have said when I write articles in the future --Jinzler 23:44, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Few things:
    • "Inside, she encountered a series of obstacles that the Tarasin had placed inside the cave to prevent anyone from freeing the t'salak. Muun crossed a deep chasm, then passed a large boulder that blocked her path to a large chamber. She entered the chamber and found a concealed door that lead to further chambers. After locating the button that opened the door, she entered another tunnel, but soon found her way blocked by a wall of roots and vines. She tried to cut them down, but the roots and vines regenerated every time she sliced through them. The obstacle had been engineered by the Tarasin to allow only people who had never touched the dark side of the Force to get through, so Muun was unable to pass it." This is a little too pbp.
      • Reworded. See what you think of it now --Jinzler 16:22, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • "committed various immoral acts" Immoral is a bit POV.
      • Changed to "illegal" --Jinzler 16:22, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • When she went to Coruscant, who did she intend to kill, Palpatine? Please add that if the source specifies who was her target.
      • Unfortunately, the source only states that she wanted to confront those responsible for the destruction of the self-rightious Force-users --Jinzler 16:22, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • Fine work. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:30, March 16, 2010 (UTC)
      • Cheers for the compliment, I appreciate you taking time to review the article --Jinzler 16:22, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
  4. In an Act of Utter Whimsy…
    • "Muun turned to the dark side of the Force and became a Dark Jedi." Why?
      • Clarified --11:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • Several places you say, "a few years later,"—is there no exact date for this?
      • No, unfortunately, the Living Force Campaign is very vague when it comes to specific dates for things --Jinzler 11:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • "She tried to cut them down,"—do you mean with her lightsaber?
      • Clarified --Jinzler 11:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • Is there no article for the duel between Vhiin Thorla, Dorv'Tilsta, Raik Muun & Valin Draco?
      • Created --Jinzler 11:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • Likewise, is there no article for the skirmish between the Alderaanian Resistance and Muun & Draco?
      • Mission to Almas. I linked to it in the intro, but forgot to in the article, although I have now done so --Jinzler 11:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • In the P&T, you mention her crimson-colored lightsaber. Did she use this same lightsaber during her time with the Jedi?
      • The source does not say --Jinzler 11:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • Good work otherwise.—Tommy 9281 21:40, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks very very much :) --Jinzler 11:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

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