Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Raid on the Sith Embassy

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Raid on the Sith Embassy

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 total)

Support

  1. --Goodwood Redstarbird (For the Rebellion!) 07:54, 2 December 2007 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 06:45, 3 December 2007 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:55, 6 December 2007 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 02:03, 7 December 2007 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Graestan(This party's over) 03:20, 12 December 2007 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Gonk (Gonk!) 18:31, 13 December 2007 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. File:Probot under guard.jpg needs to be reuploaded—it's low quality. --Imperialles 10:11, 2 December 2007 (UTC)
  2. The infobox is not fully sourced. --Imperialles 10:32, 2 December 2007 (UTC)
  3. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • Having two clauses that start with "though" in one sentence (last sentence of intro) reads awkwardly. Please vary up that sentence.
      • Addressed.
    • "Using his and his companions' skills, as well as drawing upon the Force, the party overcame a number of obstacles, including a malfunctioning series of flow control rooms and a corridor filled with blistering-hot steam that led to a computer access terminal." Reading this sentence aloud tells me that the first clause is sort of messy and it runs on a bit much.
      • Addressed
    • Could you describe how the terminal helped them thin the odds in their favor more specifically?
      • Addressed - at first I'd thought it'd be fluff to do so, but meh.
    • Mention that Shasa and her Fish F**k buddies were Force-sensitive please.
      • Addressed -- and may I point out, their relationship was entirely platonic!
    • "Revan and his companions went on to confront the Sith Master in charge of the base; however, he was forced to slay two more Selkath apprentices as well as the Master in order to finish the mission and secure the needed data about the Sith Empire's plans to corrupt Manaan's youth by indoctrinating them into the dark side of the Force." Run-on sentence, let's cut down on joining two long sentences with semicolons. Instead, go ahead and make it two sentences and let the prose flow!
      • Addressed.
    • Some confusion on who is command of the base- that Sith Master or Grann?
      • Addressed with possible explanation.
    • Are there alternate possibilities for this battle? I believe there are, and they should be noted, somewhat concisely, in the BTS per the tag.
      • Addressed.
    • The quote heading "...presents evidence of Sith evil" could have "evil" reworded to something else. Duplicity might be a better choice to avoid any trace of POV.
      • Addressed.
    • "trio of Republic warriors" is a bit misleading, as HK-47 and T3-M4, or Canderous if he's in the party, cannot be described as Republic warriors. Really, neither can the Jedi.
      • Addressed.
    • The whole first sentence of the Preamble is atrocious. Need a bit more context than that, please. Assume the reader has less knowledge of the KotOR series than you give them credit for atm.
      • Addressed.
    • Ditch the term "Preamble." Try "prelude" or look at other battle FAs.
    • Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 06:17, 3 December 2007 (UTC)

Comments

Approved by Inquisitorius 21:48, 13 December 2007 (UTC)

  • My second made-from-scratch FAN. Article meets requirements per Rule #18.--Goodwood Redstarbird (For the Rebellion!) 07:54, 2 December 2007 (UTC)
  • General prose quantity leaves something to be desire of, with lots of overextended sentence syntax. I pointed out or fixed the most glaring examples. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 06:12, 3 December 2007 (UTC)