Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Pre Vizsla

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Pre Vizsla

  • Nominated by: Moon Demon 12:58, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

Sufficient length; high quality of writing by CC7567; contains all relevent information pertaining to the subject currently available; contains only three redlinks, all to the same nonexistent article contains no redlinks

(0 Inqs/4 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. You're hung up on some Mandalorian from the 60s, man! Thefourdotelipsis 12:59, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Imperialles 01:48, July 11, 2010 (UTC)
  3. ShaakTi1138 08:41, July 22, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Tyrant19 22:20, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  • Homeworld is infobox-exclusive. -- 1358 (Talk) 12:54, June 29, 2010 (UTC)
    • Added to preview and biography. Moon Demon 13:09, June 29, 2010 (UTC)
      • The bio mention is not properly referenced. -- 1358 (Talk) 13:14, June 29, 2010 (UTC)
Minor stuff
  • Information is missing from the Star Wars: The Clone Wars Character Encyclopedia. CC7567 (talk) 22:35, June 29, 2010 (UTC)
    • Added. Moon Demon 13:32, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
      • That isn't all of it, and it's not everywhere it should be. No information should be exclusive to the infobox. CC7567 (talk) 17:07, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
        • I also added information from the Character Encyclopedia to the Talents & Abilities and Equipment sections. That's about all there was in that source. Moon Demon 18:53, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
          • I don't see anything of the Vizsla clan in anywhere but the Equipment section, and that is not the only place it is relevant. And it also isn't linked, which it should be. CC7567 (talk) 22:16, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
            • Clan Vizsla linked and added to bio. Moon Demon 23:51, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • Some of the T&A section simply repeats what the P&T already says, which is not what it is for. Furthermore, being hospitable does not make one a diplomat, and I can't see where any of his troops sacrificed their lives for him or his assignments. CC7567 (talk) 22:16, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
    • Rearranged and reworded some information in those two sections. Also linked instances of Death Watchmen sacrificing their lives. Moon Demon 23:51, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
      • If you're going to say he's a diplomat, you have to provide examples; referencing it to the episode without an example implies that it is directly stated in that source, which it is not. Furthermore, "honor" is not defined specifically by refusing to fight an opponent that is unarmed; it could have been that he wanted recognition for defeating a Jedi and wouldn't have gotten it if the Jedi was weaponless. The assumption of his honor is best left for the reader to make, so outlining it as a fact in the article isn't the right thing to do. Furthermore, he appeared quite angry when he twice failed to defeat Kenobi, so I don't see why that would equal a humble lack of overconfidence—on the contrary, that would be closer to frustration, which is most likely what led to his order for his men to fire their missiles at Kenobi. CC7567 (talk) 01:55, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • "As the Death Watch's leader, he commanded the loyalty and respect of his men. His orders were carried out promptly and his troops would often sacrifice their own lives in the pursuit of their missions." This "loyalty and respect" could have very well been fear instead. Nothing in the source you provide for this claim directly states or hints that his men respected and were loyal to him—a leader does not have to be respected to be effective. Also, I fail to see how this is relevant to his talents and not his personality. CC7567 (talk) 01:55, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • Altered. And I put it in the Talents section because the Character Encyclopedia lists his talents as "combat, leadership, diplomacy". Moon Demon 12:14, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
      • Please specifically mention the examples of his promptly carried-out orders instead of simply linking to them, as that is the more professional way to do it. Articles can only be linked once in the infobox, intro, and body of an article at their first mention, and any more is considered unnecessary overlinking. CC7567 (talk) 02:09, July 3, 2010 (UTC)
I know Mandalorians and you sir are no Mandalorian
  • "Kenobi's investigations eventually forced Vizsla to make his true allegiances known, and Vizsla revealed himself as the leader of the Death Watch and an enemy to Kryze and her government." - Wording here is a bit clunky. Rephrasing would be in order.
  • "Appearing supportive to Kryze in public and becoming one of her trusted allies while secretly leading the Death Watch, Vizsla rose to the position of governor of Mandalore's moon, Concordia, a separate province that operated independently of Mandalore's government—and also housed several abandoned mining camps, one of which Vizsla transformed into a Death Watch base." - A touch windy.
  • "Dooku himself advised patience, proclaiming that the Republic's continued involvement in Mandalorian affairs, combined with the Senate's impending order to send troops to keep the peace on Mandalore, would spread discontent amongst the Mandalore populace—and, as Vizsla realized, cause them to rebel, set up Death Watch's role as the people's liberator, and strengthen the renegade faction's insurgency." - Break it up.
  • "Over refreshments, Kryze shared her concerns that someone was feeding misinformation to the Republic that the Death Watch was "taking over Mandalore" and shared her suspicions that an external force was assisting the Mandalorian renegades." - A bit clunky.
  • There's a little bit too much direct quotation in the prose in general. This needs to be tweaked.
    • Removed direct quotation. Moon Demon 12:36, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Vizsla also humorously told Kryze to take the fact that a powerful individual was working toward her downfall as a compliment." - PBP. Axe it.
  • "Releasing a battle cry, Vizsla lunged at Kenobi, executing a powerful slash at him." - PBP.
  • "However, Kenobi eventually Force-pushed Vizsla several meters backward, and he was caught by his three accomplices. Vizsla again advanced at Kenobi, only to be kicked and disarmed of his weapon." - PBP.
  • "Vizsla nodded to his agent," - PBP.
  • That's all. Apart from the update. Thefourdotelipsis 02:50, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
L'Imperialles
  • Images: Remember to punctuate full sentences in image captions. I'd fix it myself, but teach a man to fish and so on.
  • Intro: The pronunciation is not sourced.
  • Allegiances revealed: A lot of pbp in this section. Cut down the detail. Don't feel bound by the narrative of the TV series. A few examples (not in order, and certainly not all of the instances): "As he approached, Vizsla used his blaster to coldly shoot one of his fallen men that had earlier been unable to stop Kenobi, disgusted by his subordinate's failure. Kenobi emerged from his hiding place, and Vizsla continued forward without his guards. He then removed his helmet"; "As time passed, Vizsla noticed that General Kenobi's meditation was taking rather long, and Kryze replied that the Jedi never did anything by halves. Vizsla offered Kryze another drink and stated that they should begin dinner without Kenobi"; "This time, Vizsla used his jetpack to employ greater altitude as an advantage in the fight, but Kenobi simply jumped up and intercepted him in the air. Battered by Kenobi, Vizsla was forced back down to the ground, his jetpack and lightsaber deactivated."
  • Preparations for battle: "Later, while Vizsla was readying his men for the impending attack, he was contacted by the assassin. The agent reported that Kryze had twice escaped and stated that during their latest encounter, he had killed an informant that had appeared to be meeting with her to transfer something. Vizsla ordered the assassin to find her, as whatever Kryze was carrying might compromise the plan." This can be written better. No need to go into detail on the conversation.
  • Talents and abilities: The last paragraph is a little lonely. Merge it with something.
  • For the record, feel free to "steal" articles like this all you like—no one has exclusive ownership over any article on this wiki, and anyone who tries to tell you differently is sorely wrong. --Imperialles 19:52, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • For the record, don't feel free to steal articles. Imperialles just has mistaken beliefs about what writing an article means. He's sorely wrong a number of things. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:08, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
      • Please don't pollute this review with your misguided beliefs and childish attitude. There are several alternative outlets you can use to criticize me; I suggest you employ them and stay away from this review. --Imperialles 21:57, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
        • I'm very aware of alternative methods, thank you very much, I've recently utilized them. And I'm also well aware of the site's policies. I must say, you really enjoy insulting me, don't you? Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:37, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
          • No, I actually am just very tired of your constant confrontationist attitude. I apologize if I snapped at you, but please understand where I'm coming from. I was merely trying to inform this user about our site policies, a matter that seemed relevant to this nomination thread. Then you show up and, for no apparent reason whatsoever, undermine my statement (and indeed, my very person) without giving much of an explanation. The fact of the matter is, everyone is free to nominate whatever article they want. This process exists to ensure article quality, not contributor ego. Now, please take your dramamongering elsewhere. Thank you in advance. --Imperialles 22:50, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
            • Sorry to intervene, but I agree with Chack, Imp. JangFett (Talk) 01:50, July 11, 2010 (UTC)
              • If you want to change FAN policy, go right ahead and make a CT. Until then, your opinion is entirely uninteresting. I trust I don't have to remind everyone yet again to not go off topic here. Continue this discussion elsewhere. --Imperialles 05:35, July 11, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • You can't steal articles like that. CC7567 has written the article, and he should be the nominator, not you. -- 1358 (Talk) 08:58, June 29, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'd like to point out that the rules for Featured Article nominations do not say that only an article's writer can nominate it. I'm not stealing someone else's article, I'm promoting it as a piece of quality work that deserves to be showcased. But thank you so much for attacking my integrity like that. Isn't there something about no personal attacks against other users here? I'm certain I've seen at least one person temporarily banned for doing so. Moon Demon 12:25, June 29, 2010 (UTC)
      • While it would be more ethically kosher to recognize the user in the comments field, there are indeed no such rules against nominating other people's work. Otherwise people could just write up things and let them sit without ever nominating them for featured article, and that just wouldn't do if said work was up to standard. I'm more curious, though, as to why CC hasn't nominated it already if it is indeed complete and comprehensive. Thefourdotelipsis 12:33, June 29, 2010 (UTC)
      • Personal attacks? Per Fourdot, you should at least recognize him here or something like that. Perhaps he hasn't nominated it because it is not complete. For example, I see no mention on his homeworld in the bio. -- 1358 (Talk) 12:36, June 29, 2010 (UTC)
        • I have given my permission to Moon Demon for him to handle the article, as we both have the same intention of promoting it to a higher quality; the only difference is that I do not have enough time to handle the nomination. It is now his responsibility, and I have recommended that he give the article a thorough read-through to ensure that he is promoting his own writing and quality, not mine. Any disputes regarding the nomination and its caretaker are therefore unnecessary. CC7567 (talk) 22:35, June 29, 2010 (UTC)

Remove nomination (Inquisitorius vote only)

  1. Inqvote Let's get realistic, folks. This is going to sit here for eternity unless it's removed and renominated by the person who actually worked hard on the article. I'm not here to argue policy, I'm just commenting on what people will or won't do, from a realistic standpoint, and this isn't going to fly as-is. Graestan(Talk) 03:05, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:08, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:56, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:01, August 13, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 16:52, August 13, 2010 (UTC)