- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Pash Cracken
- Nominated by: Menkooroo 02:20, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: I meant to write this a long time ago as a companion piece to Judder Page. But it took me a while to get Cracken!
(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)
Support
- Does he really warrant being on here? Really? Who thinks about Pash Cracken? XD Plagueis327 04:21, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
- So brash. So bold. Pash. ~Savage
14:07, June 24, 2012 (UTC) 
Great job. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:58, July 1, 2012 (UTC)- Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 09:04, July 4, 2012 (UTC) - Nice.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:47, July 9, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm going to assume all those typos were sprinkled in there as some kind of Inq test that Cav and Floyd failed. I win! -- Darth Culator (Talk) 04:20, July 30, 2012 (UTC)
- CC7567 (talk) 23:11, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
Object
Savaged…
Context on Xyquine II: Planet? Moon?The explanation of the Cracken Twist in the lead is a bit confusing -- without bogging things down, would it be be possible to add a bit more detail on why changing hyperspace coordinates was a big deal?In the lead you have Bilbringi pipe linked to Bilbringi Shipyards -- maybe just spell this out, since I was going to ask for context. :)Context on Ryn Network in the lead?Context on Vader, at least to indicate that he's a high-ranking member of the Empire and thus why he would take an interest in the defection.Is the detail about grabbing Gingal's arm necessary? Seems kind of PBP to me. More to come! ~Savage 15:24, June 9, 2012 (UTC)First image of "Going rogue": Can you indicate which of the two is Cracken and which is Wedge?"Although the Rogues flew X-wing fighters, they were led by New Republic hero Wedge Antilles and considered some of the New Republic's best pilots." I know the "although" here is supposed to contrast to Cracken's familiarity with A-wings, but it sounds like it's contrasting the fact that Wedge led them. Could this be reworded a bit?"a number of civilian vessels" -- is it possible to be any more precise from the OS? A large number? A small number? Of course, if all we know is that it was more than one, "a number of" is fine. More later! ~Savage 15:34, June 10, 2012 (UTC)- Thanks for the copy-edit and review so far. I think I've addressed everything. Vader was tricky, as he doesn't hold an actual Imperial rank yet. With the arm reference gone, keep an eye out during the rest of your review for a place where limb can be pipelinked. :) Menkooroo 02:36, June 12, 2012 (UTC)
OK, another chunk! In the paragraph that begins, "One of the flight group's first assignments..." we get a PBP-esque account of a conversation between Wedge and Pash. I think a lot of the info in that conversation is important, but I wonder if it should be moved elsewhere, to make the emphasis fall more on the revelations Pash has about himself rather than his conversation with Wedge. For instance, rather than "did you get better perspective," "yeah, and I know how to be part of a team" or whatever, say in an authorial voice, perhaps up in the section where you talk about Pash getting the medal (before the other Rogues resign) that "As a member of Rogue Squadron, Cracken had gotten the perspective on his own flying abilities that he had sought, and he learned to fly in a team." You could then abbreviate the conversation I outline here quite a lot to just say something about Pash thanking Wedge for giving him perspective or something. I'd be inclined to axe it completely, but I'll leave that to you. :)- Good advice. I've rejigged the paragraph to make it more about the revelation and less about the conversation. Not inclined to axe it completely; it's like, super important character development, man! :D
Not sure the flirting or sparring between Horn and Linna is relevant to Cracken.- I've modified it to emphasize Pash's role in it, as it ties into a note in his P&T section.
Not sure Wedge's toast is all that important -- we already hear they're celebrating in the previous sentence. Will finish up soon! ~Savage 11:46, June 16, 2012 (UTC)- Axed.
I found the events of the Battle of Bilbringi during the Yuuzhan Vong war a bit hard to follow due to all the people involved and where they are in relation to one another. Would it be possible to, say, take out the part about Antilles not being able to contact person X and person Y to simply say he was unable to contact anyone due to the Holonet being down? That might simplify things a bit.- Yeah, definitely. I've removed the namedrops of Pellaeon and Kre'fey and just left them as vague reinforcements. It's essential to establish that they are reinforcements, though, as their absence is the reason the battle goes to hell so quickly. Let me know if anything else needs clarification.
Maybe remove the bit about Wedge wishing Pash good luck? OK, I should finish this soon! ~Savage 15:46, June 17, 2012 (UTC)- I think it's important --- it establishes that the Galactic Alliance is aware that he abandons ship. It's more of a move-the-plot-forward conversation than a random side discussion. Make sense? Menkooroo 00:58, June 18, 2012 (UTC)
OK, final push through this! :) "Excellent," "excelled" in close proximity in the first paragraph of P&T. Maybe swap one for a synonym? That's it! ~Savage 18:30, June 18, 2012 (UTC)- Done! Thanks for the extensive copy-edit and review. Yours are a second pair of eyes that are always appreciated. :) Menkooroo 22:11, June 18, 2012 (UTC)
OK, last bits and pieces. Why do you think it's important to establish that Cracken hung out in the Falcon cockpit during a five-hour trip? This seems trivial to me, but I may be missing something. ~Savage 20:18, June 22, 2012 (UTC)- If we can give info on what a character was doing for five straight hours, why not mention it? I agree that the stuff about the light-hearted banter was a little too much detail, but placing Page and Cracken in the cockpit lets the reader know what they were up to during the hyperspace trip and additionally establishes that they have a bird's eye view of the subsequent battle. Seems important to mention that they were in the cockpit during the fighting. Make sense? Menkooroo 20:34, June 22, 2012 (UTC)
OK, makes sense. Would it be possible, then, to restate the info when the battle happens? Something like, because Cracken was in the cockpit during the trip, he saw the battle" or something. As of now, it seems trivial. ~Savage 20:42, June 22, 2012 (UTC)
- If we can give info on what a character was doing for five straight hours, why not mention it? I agree that the stuff about the light-hearted banter was a little too much detail, but placing Page and Cracken in the cockpit lets the reader know what they were up to during the hyperspace trip and additionally establishes that they have a bird's eye view of the subsequent battle. Seems important to mention that they were in the cockpit during the fighting. Make sense? Menkooroo 20:34, June 22, 2012 (UTC)
Cav
Clones[3] of Imperial starfighter ace Baron Soontir Fel[19] manned the fighters of the Empire's war machine, and Cracken led his flight group into battle against them. - Is if confirmed that Fel's clones attacked Generis, or are you asserting that since clones attacked they must be Fel's? Because I'm not sure if it is ever specifically stated that Thrawn only used one clone template for his pilots.- Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 13:02, July 3, 2012 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
What exactly is the reasoning behind is "Taller than" 1.67 meter height? It almost sounds like a ref note would be useful in describing where this conclusion came from.CC7567 (talk) 23:14, August 1, 2012 (UTC)"and the Imperials suddenly retreated. Deprived of Thrawn's strategic mind, the Imperial offensive was brought to a halt": it implies here that there were still Imperials at Bilbringi since the offensive was "brought to a halt," yet the Imperials already "retreated." Which is correct? Were there still Imperials left to be routed after Thrawn was assassinated, or did the "entire" fleet of Imperials retreat? If that's the case, I would recommend wording it along those lines, as it's currently unclear.- Changed to "campaign." I meant the entire Thrawn campaign rather than just the battle; hopefully it's clearer now.
- Please watch out for small errors like WP:DASH. There were a number of instances that I had to correct regarding en dashes. CC7567 (talk) 21:33, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 23:11, August 2, 2012 (UTC)