Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Odan-Urr/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Odan-Urr

(5 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. -- AdmirableAckbar [Talk] 20:41, 29 September 2007 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Good stuff. Thefourdotelipsis 23:20, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 00:40, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Greyman(Paratus) 01:16, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
  5. I always wondered how Nomi learned to Sever Force. Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 17:04, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Imperialles 15:57, 12 October 2007 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Havac 21:43, 13 October 2007 (UTC)

Oppose

  • Can you specify which Gamer article it is? {{GamerCite|#|Name}} --Eyrezer 21:30, 30 September 2007 (UTC)
  • From the park bench of Four Dot:
    • "Eventually, Teta's men looked like they would prove victorious, eventually breaking the blockade set up by the Kirrek pirates." - Eventually, I'd like to see that sentence cleaned up.
        • Fixed, eventually.
    • "After one such procession, Odan-Urr and Memit Nadill rescued two siblings, named Jori and Gav Daragon, from two elite assassins hired to kill them by the Cha'a merchant Ssk Kahorr, who was owed money by the two siblings." - Two sibiblings twice. Could work better, methinks.
      • Addressed.
    • "During Sadow and Kressh's vicious fight, the spirit of the late Marka Ragnos appeared, telling the two Sith that though the Sith Empire was at the height of its power, the fate of the Empire hanged in the balance." - You wacky Americans might operate differently, but shouldn't that be "hung"?
      • I'm actually a wacky Irishman :P, but yeah, fixed.
        • I humbly apologise.
          • Apology accepted.
    • "Odan-Urr eventually met Nadill with Teta in the Empress's chambers, and recounted the dream, and then told them his interpretation of it." - "And theeeeeen?" :P
      • Addressed.
    • "After much fighting, the re-enforcements from Ronika had yet to arrive, and the Massassi, a group of elite Sith warriors, were giving the Republic many casualties." - "Causing" casulaties might be more apt.
      • Changed.
    • "Teta told them that great damage had been done, but Nadill optimistically told her that they could repair everything." - Seems a bit peripheral and unneeded.
      • Removed.
    • "Although Sadow, who had been chased to the moon of Yavin 4, and Kressh had been killed, many of the other Dark Lords and members of the Sith Council were still at large." - "Although Sadow had..." might work better here.
      • Addressed.
    • "Ulic's mind was already made up when Odan-Urr and Ood Bnar, a Neti Jedi Master almost as old as Odan-Urr, showed him, and Nomi Sunrider, whom he had grown close to, a definitive history of the Teta system, which was written by Odan-Urr's late friend, Empress Teta." - This is a tad unwieldly.
      • Addressed.
    • Perhaps an image of Kun actually attacking Odan-Urr would be more suitable as the first image in the "Death" section.
      • Well, there isn't actually a picture of Kun attacking Odan-Urr—at least not one with the two of them in it. Kun sort of sticks out his hand and it glows in one frame, and the next is the one already in the article showing Odan-Urr lying face down on the floor. I guess I could upload the picture of Kun, but I think it would look out of place without Odan-Urr in it.
        • I think it would probably better, in an illustrator...y sense. As it is, there are two images of Odan-Urr there that don't differ greatly in aesthetic look, and the first one isn't telling us much. So, as long as you keep the second image of him dying, I think that the Kun picture would be excellent. By that same token, a lot of images just show us Odan-Urr, and never him actually doing something. For instance, if you could find a wider image of the Conclave with him still visible in it, it might be of more use. And for the P/A section, instead of having the comic cover, which just shows him brandishing a saber, it might be good to show a panel of him in actual combat. (And then, you could crop the comic cover and get a headshot. :P) Thefourdotelipsis 00:13, 5 October 2007 (UTC)
          • I've uploaded the Kun picture and cropped the cover image for a new infobox headshot image (though JMAS replaced it with a not-so-headshot-but-sort-of-headshot image, which I think is ok). I added the only real frame of him in combat to the P&A, though no can do on the Deneba thing. There's only two images of him in total in the Deneba part of the comic: the one that's currently there, and another one of the stage thingy, with Odan-Urr little more than a spec in the middle-background. About the a lot of images just show us Odan-Urr, and never him actually doing something, the thing is that he doesn't really do all that much in terms of action, and two, the majority of his pictures in the comics (bar the ones in the article and a few others) aren't very detailed or good. -- AdmirableAckbar [Talk] 17:00, 5 October 2007 (UTC) (I promise I'm not trying to be difficult)
            • To explain: the reason I put a not-so-cropped version up instead is that Ack's upload cropped off the bottom of the image too much. The part which showed the powerpack that operated the lightsaber. Since that image is also used in the lightsaber article to illustrate ancient lightsabers without an internal power supply, I thought the current image as I cropped it better suited to the needs of both articles' uses of it. - JMAS 17:15, 5 October 2007 (UTC)
              • There's no reason we can't have a different cropping for each article. -- Ozzel 20:34, 5 October 2007 (UTC)
                • Exactly. Acky's changed the focus to Odan-Urr, while the other one is focusing on the saber and carboard cutouts of purple flames. I think we should keep Acky's cropping. Thefourdotelipsis 23:20, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
    • "He could also[2] change the nature " - I don't think we need to source the fact that he could "also" :P
      • Well, the thing about that is that the Power of the Jedi Sourcebook states that he used them, but the Revised Core Rulebook states what they do, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I rephrased it.
    • Other than that, excellent work. These should be quick fixes, though. Thefourdotelipsis 08:37, 4 October 2007 (UTC)
  1. From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
    • I changed a few minor things in order to keep my list short and neat.
      • Thank you.
    • "A thousand years" should be reworded to the proper "one thousand years."
      • Done.
    • No instances of starting two sentences in a row with "Odan-Urr," please. In fact, you use his name too much.
      • I've cut down on the use of his name a fair bit, and fixed any two sentences in a row starting with Odan-Urr.
    • Any specific mentions of the Library or Great Library should be capitalized.
      • Addressed.
    • "Lived for over a thousand years" and then "over a thousand years old at the time of his death" in the intro are redundant. The intro should not repeat much information, especially specific information.
      • Addressed.
    • Something between the two headers. A short paragraph, perhaps, or a definitive quote. I just don't care for headers back-to-back.
      • Short paragraph inserted.
    • —Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 23:32, 5 October 2007 (UTC)
  2. From the keyboard of Hobbes15
    • Three "he's" in a row starting sentences in the 1st paragraph of 1.6.
      • Addressed.
    • Same in the last paragraph of 1.7.
      • Addressed.
    • First sentence of P&T is incomplete.
    • Did he lash out at others with his lightsaber "often"? I don't think so.
      • Addressed.
    • Should the force powers mentioned in the P&A have articles created on them?
      • I suppose. I've linked them, and I'll get around to making the actual articles when I'm not so lazy.
    • That's all. Very interesting character, despite the fact that he's a TOTJ person again :P. Good work. Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 04:37, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
  3. From the fjord of Imperialles:
    • Introduction: "He was ultimately one of the most influential Jedi ever to have lived during the height of the Galactic Republic." Is this stated anywhere, or is it the authors' personal interpretation. If it's the latter, reword the sentence.
      • Yes, the Official Star Wars Fact File says this.
    • Introduction: "He later helped defeat Sadow's forces on Kirrek, and was saddened by his master's death during the battle." This sentence seems a bit odd to me. Is it really necessary to comment on his emotional state already in the introduction?
      • Addressed.
    • Introduction: Actually, the whole thing doesn't really read very well. I'd like to see a revised version, if it's not too much trouble.
      • Not at all. Is the new intro any better? -- AdmirableAckbar [Talk] 15:08, 12 October 2007 (UTC)
        • Much better. Thank you. --Imperialles 15:57, 12 October 2007 (UTC)
    --Imperialles 22:10, 11 October 2007 (UTC)
  • The main image is not doing it for me. It doesn't show a very good view of him, it's not a headshot or anything like it, and and it's generally indistinct. I'd suggest replacing it with a headshot from the comic if possible and using this image elsewhere. Havac 03:47, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
    • I'm not a big fan of it either. I had a cropped headshot version of that image, but apparently it was a "duplicate" of the other picture, and has been deleted. Would that be better? I'vee trawled through the comics, but there's not really anything suitable. In my opinion, the cropped version of the current infobox image (or else the meditating one) is the best we're gonna get. -- AdmirableAckbar [Talk] 10:21, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
      • Then I'd say go with the meditating one and put the current one in the P&A. Havac 18:17, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
        • Per Havac on that one. That current pic is just...not...good. The meditating one has always, IMO, been the best one we have available. Greyman(Paratus) 21:28, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
  • The beginning of the second paragraph of the intro has no sense of chronology. He played an important part in the war, and prior to the war, and he was in a battle . . . it doesn't flow clearly. Also, the bit about being killed by Kun needs cleaning up; it's a bit fuzzy how and why the death happened. Havac 03:47, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
    • Addressed.
  • Do we really need "When Odan-Urr arrived on Koros and met with Memit Nadill outside his hangar, he warned Nadill that this was his first such assignment, and that he was more of a scholar than a warrior. Nadill responded that so far warriors had been unsuccessful against the pirates and rebels of Kirrek, and that a scholar might be more effective.," as the first two sentences after the lead-in quote in which they say exactly the same thing? I'd try varying the language on that one. Havac 03:47, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
    • Addressed.
  • "Aftermath of the Great Hyperspace War" has a bit about Odan-Urr founding the Great Jedi Library, and then the next section goes over the whole thing again. Consolidate and/or trim. Also, the library bit in the second section is placed after a paragraph which covers a chronologically later era. This should be remedied. Havac 03:47, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
    • Addressed.
      • Still has the paragraph covering his Jedi Masterhood hundreds of years later before the paragraphs on the Jedi Library he constructed immediately. That firs paragraph should probably close the section, not open it. You'd just have to tweak the beginnings of what are currently the first two paragraphs some to make them flow. Havac 18:17, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
  • "Odan-Urr could not deal with such evil, and feebly fell to the floor. He had died, and became one with the Force. Appropriately, Odan-Urr died surrounded by his books," just sounds a bit stilted and disjointed, and it might be good to mention something about Ooroo's prophecy in there. Havac 03:47, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
    • Addressed.
  • First paragraph of the "Legacy" section, especially the first sentence, is a bit off. I'd suggest trying to work a bit more context into there, and I don't quite get how his death marked the period. Havac 03:47, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
    • Addressed.
  • A statue that looked like Odan-Urr existed . . . and Tionne identified it as him? Just say it was a statue of him from the start. Otherwise, this is a very good entry. Havac 03:47, 13 October 2007 (UTC)

Comments

Approved by Inquisitorius 23:45, 13 October 2007 (UTC)

This is the longest article I've ever attempted on my own, so I probably overlooked a few things, though I think atfer much work it's ready. -- AdmirableAckbar [Talk] 20:41, 29 September 2007 (UTC)
Eh...I'd like to see a better infobox image. Thefourdotelipsis 13:22, 1 October 2007 (UTC)
I've been looking for a good headshot but unfortunately the only good one is slightly obscured by his hand—all the others of him seem pretty shoddy/unsuitable. I'll keep my eyes open for a better picture but I doubt I will find one -- AdmirableAckbar [Talk] 15:31, 4 October 2007 (UTC)