Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Nico Diath

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Nico Diath

(3 Inqs/5 Users/8 Total)

Support

  1. Pre-nom reviewed. —Master Jonathan New Jedi Order (Jedi Council Chambers) 04:12, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Hey, me too! Menkooroo 04:55, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Thefourdotelipsis 06:47, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 20:24, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 20:56, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
  6. ToRsO bOy 21:56, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 07:20, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote Again, great improvement, Kasra. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:35, July 5, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Trayus time!
  • You need to include some information in the biography regarding Tae's comments on his uncle in the Battle of Jabiim comics. Perhaps, if you chose, you could make a legacy section that would include the holographic memorial, the success of the mission, and Tae's state after Nico's death. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 04:21, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
    • Done. Thanks for the review, Trayus!--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 06:08, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
  • A few more:
  • In the second paragraph of the intro, there's a little too much detail, and the short sentences get a little choppy. See if you can't combine a few to streamline it.
    • Fourdot actually asked me to do the same below, please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 06:42, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
      • Eh, the ones that are really rubbing me the wrong way are :"Durge shot two Skakoan sentries, causing them to explode. Ven'nari used her pyrokinetic Force abilities to draw the fire towards her. After the fire subsided, Diath used the Force to ease the mortally wounded Bothan's pain as she died. Diath and the other Jedi pursued Ventress, however, the ceiling of the facility began to collapse. As Diath stood on a catwalk, some of the lava landed on him, causing him to fall to his death in the lava stream."—I feel like this could be merged into two or three "flowy-er" sentences.
  • Was there only one lava stream on Queyta? You seem to indicate as much at the end of the second bio paragraph.
  • "Diath and his team of Jedi confronted the Dark Jedi Asajj Ventress and the Gen'Dai bounty hunter Durge, who informed the team of Jedi that their spies had already informed them of the group's presence in the facility."—overuse of "informed" and "team of Jedi." Also, can you add "In the lab" to the beginning of the sentence so it flows better with the previous sentence?
  • In regards to the above sentence: can you specify that Venress and Durge were Confederate agents?
  • Why did the facility start to sink?
  • Can you give a wee bit more context in the legacy section about the situation Tae was in when he spoke of Nico? As of now it just looks like an offhand comment.
  • Other than that, it's pretty darn good. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 06:32, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks, appreciate the review, Trayus.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 06:42, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
Sanchez!
  • The second paragraph of the intro is much too detailed and overlong. Prune and condense.
  • "During the Republic's campaign on the planet Jabiim, Tae Diath believed his uncle to be a great Jedi Master, and came to believe that Diath was stronger and more powerful than he and his fellow Padawans combined." - A bit repetitive.
  • That's all. Thefourdotelipsis 06:24, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
.
  • I think the intro is still too long; it's supposed to be relative to the size of the article, and this one is not (it's nearly a third of the wordcount). The intro shouldn't be bulked up to help push the article over 1000 words (although you can easily cut down the intro a fair bit and retain FAN eligibility). The same would probably apply to the Knol nom. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:17, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
    • How about now?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:18, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
      • I didn't look at any specific changes, but to be honest it looked more or less the same size. I had a go myself of condensing it, and it looks better now, in my opinion. Nothing I removed was necessary or relevant to the intro, I think, though if you have any specific quibbles feel free to add stuff back in. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:47, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
        • You're right, it does look better now. Thanks, now I can use that same principle for Ven'nari's article.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:50, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
  • Also, you could probably name his known ancestors, and possibly Sidrona's Chancellorship, with a relevant citation. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:22, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
    • Wouldn't that be speculation? Dace and his dad existed four thousand years before Nico and Tae. Plus, I am not aware of any source that says he is a descendant of Dace.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:04, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
      • Well, the article links to the Diath family article, which encompasses all the Diaths, but I guess that's not your fault. The best way around this would be to mention them both but not explicitly say they are related to Nico; that would allow the readers to fill in the dots that Blackman clearly wanted to be filled in. That's how I would approach it were I writing the article, but it's your call. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:47, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
        • I asked Tommy about this, he might have an answer for me.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:50, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
          • Nothing that I have currently (while I'm at work) links Tae and Nico to Dace and Sidrona. Sidrona was Dace's pops according to TOTJC, but that's as far as it goes with respect to the Diath family. I haven't looked at the comic in which Nico appears in a while, but didn't it say something about Nico's "Diath Jedi" heritage? I'll look around a bit more when I get home and I'll let you know if I find something.—Tommy 9281 21:08, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
          • After looking at the quote you have in the bio from Republic 53, I think it would be safe to assume him to be of the same lineage. We currently know of no other Diath Jedi families, so I believe this passes the duck test.—Tommy 9281 21:14, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
Xicer
  • Intro: "As Diath stood on a catwalk, some of the lava landed on him, causing him to fall to his death in the lava stream." What lava, and what lava stream?
  • You need to mention that the Hutts were slavers in the intro and bio to make it clear why they would hate Diath for freeing slaves.
  • The sentences in both the intro and bio concerning his roaming of the galaxy and freeing of the slaves are worded almost exactly like Obi-Wan's quote. Could you reword?
  • Legacy: "...a holographic memorial service was held in honor of Diath and the other four Jedi Masters." Don't you mean three?
  • Good job, but I agree with everyone above on the intro condensation. The second half of the second paragraph could definitely be reworded in broader terms. It's probably not necessary to have all all of that detail on how Ven'ari died. The two sentences about Diath pursuing Ventress and Diath's death could be cut down and stuck together, same thing with the last two sentences of the intro. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 15:21, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
    • About the last 2 sentences, though, I thought we discouraged run-on sentences. If I were to combine these two, that's what it would be. Thanks for the review, Xicer.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:15, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
      • They could easily be shortened and combined without becoming a run-on. Something like: "Kenobi recovered the antidote and returned to the Jedi Temple as the mission's only Jedi survivor, where a holographic memorial was held in honor of Diath and the other fallen Masters." Also, I still think the previous few sentences could be shortened. Ven'nari's death doesn't even need to be mentioned, since it isn't too relevant to Diath. You could mention the explosion and the ceiling collapse in the same sentence, followed by his death in the next, and then Kenobi's return/the memorial in the final sentence. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 20:13, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
        • I don't fully agree with this, but it's done, please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:22, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
The clone's minor stuff
  • Please clarify the capitalization for the Mission to Queyta. You use it like that in the Bts, but throughout the rest of the article, it's not capitalized. Please be consistent.
  • No appropriate Legacy quote at all? CC7567 (talk) 05:33, July 3, 2010 (UTC)
    • Unfortunately no, not even from Diath's nephew. Thanks for the review.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:35, July 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 00:35, July 5, 2010 (UTC)

  • Noticed this after reviewing Knol Ven'nari, but you forgot to include the context for the Clone Wars on the intro.ToRsO bOy 21:59, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
    • Kasra actually did have the Clone Wars contextualized, but I removed it in my minor trimming of the intro. I'd say it's totally unnecessary to say "—a conflict between the Galactic Republic and the Confederacy of Indepedent Systems—" anyway, but especially in an intro that's bloated as it is. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:17, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
      • Ah, never mind then. But just to clarify something for the future, providing context isn't required for everything? ToRsO bOy 23:23, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
        • Well, some things are self contextualizing, like say "Galactic Empire" (the title explains it all, you don't need to say "the largest government in the galaxy" or somesuch). Some things -- like, say, the Force -- are sort of taken as a given to being understood by the average reader. I'd say the Clone Wars would fall into one or both of those categories, really. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:47, June 29, 2010 (UTC)