Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Mezhan Kwaad

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Mezhan Kwaad

  • Nominated by: --Harrar 21:07, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

Okay so I lied. I've nominated another character. I was keeping her in reserve until the character noms died down a bit, but as AdmirableAckbar said, the more potential FAs the better!

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Good show, Harrar. I will be watching your career with great interest…—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 11:54, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Nicely done. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:51, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote I haven't read the "Legacy" section for spoiler reasons but I trust my fellow Inqs will catch anything in that section. Good work. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:19, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Harrar's a goody. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:29, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Always a pleasure to review your noms, Harrar. Always well written, and you're never a frustration to deal with. Cheers, Greyman(Talk) 13:12, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. The Anvil:
    • Please eliminate any overlinking.
      • Done.
    • Decapitation is a specific move when performed by a lightsaber. Please link to the appropriate article.
      • Done so in both cases. The only reason I didn't at first was cos it was a telekinetic decapitation, but you are the lightsaber duel guru ;)
    • You have instances where you capitalize "Supreme Overlord" and instances where you don't. Please go throughout the article and make sure every instance is capitalized.
      • Okay, this is how I see it, and I thought this was policy. A rank is capitalized only when you give someone their full title, as in: "Grand Admiral Thrawn". It isn't capitalized if I were to write, "Thrawn, a grand admiral". Therefore I'd say "Supreme Overlord Shimrra Jamaane", but not, "the Supreme Overlord, Shimrra Jamaane". Likewise "Adept Nen Yim" but not, "an Adept, Nen Yim"
        • You are correct.—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 11:54, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
          • Just to point out, "Grand Admiral" is the one rank that is always capitalized, IIRC, for some reason. Probably because they're all so awesome. :-P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:07, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
    • I believe the same goes for "Master Shaper".
      • See above. I think we need clarification on this if there's confusion. Until now that's how I've been writing articles.
        • I'm fine with that. I'll get clarification later, but it's no reason to hold up the nom.—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 11:54, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
    • To touch further on "Master Shaper", when referring to someone in this capacity as the Master of another, the word "Master" should be capitalized.
      • It isn't in the text though, which makes me hesistant as to whether the same rules apply with Jedi/Sith and with Yuuzhan Vong. Can we get clarification on this?
    • You introduce the Koros-strohna with no context as to what it is. "To aid her in her endeavor, Kwaad chose a shaper initiate from Baanu Kor, called Nen Yim, who had made an inspired choice of protocol to preserve the endocrine cloister on the ancient Koros-strohna." Please remedy.
      • Added a "worldship" detail. "Kwaad chose a shaper initiate from the worldship Baanu Kor, called Nen Yim, who had made an inspired choice of protocol to preserve the endocrine cloister on the ancient vessel.
    • Words like "practised", "realised", etc. should be spelled to conform with American English.
      • I hear you on realized, and I've corrected those instances, but there are separate spellings for separate meanings of practice/practise. One would practice lightsaber technique or blaster accuracy, but one would practise heresy, as in one would carry out heresy.
    • "Jedi Veila" section. You say, "Once Commander Vootuh's forces had entered into a standoff with those of Karrde, the landing was prosecuted and the shapers were allowed to set foot on Yavin 4's jungle surface." What are you saying? Who was prosecuted?
      • "To prosecute" can also mean to carry out, as in one can "prosecute an aggressive war" or "prosecute a guerrilla campaign". If you think its too foreign I can excise it. Thoughts? If it comes across as pretentious, bear in mind I'm only trying to vary vocab.
    • Same section. What is an "ol-villip"? Does it have an article?—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 16:42, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
      • Pipelinked straight to villip, referred to as a device. Thanks for the review Tommy, and I hope we can work out the uncertainties. Harrar 10:25, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • Ref your era in the infobox please.
      • Done
    • "Kwaad remained with her adept and assured her of the change" Clarify the change here please.
      • I re-worded it because it read poorly. It now says "When the shaper hand had been attached, Kwaad remained with her adept to give advice and re-assurance."
    • "crucial juncture" is a hair of POV.
      • Excised. Now reads "thus isolating her while Phaath's investigation took place."
    • Your SW.com links don't work. If nothing else, you may need to look for cached data or use the Wayback machine since the redesign. I recommend that you also save that webpage for future reference.
      • I only started using the site on reading [[Wookieepedia:University of Eyrezer Guide to Intelligent Species FANs|Eyrezer's tutorial]] and using the "site:www.starwars.com *insert term here*" function. I'm not very familiar with the site, and was unaware of any redesign. I'll get back to you on this tomorrow.
        • For the time being, I've removed anything pertaining to the dud link. To be honest, I only did it for the BtS quotation, and don't feel it added anything in particular to the article. I'll have a look into it still, but don't want her to get held up on it. Harrar 12:02, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
          • Info's back, I successfully used Wayback! And I now have the vault of old interviews to help me with future edits. The link works now, so thanks a bunch for helping sort that all out. XD Harrar 14:34, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
    • I'm not sure protagonist is a good way of wording that in BtS. Reword, or clarify. I'm not sure.
      • Went with character instead, it was originally villain but that didn't work either.
    • Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:00, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
      • And the same to you.Harrar 16:46, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. Toprawa:
    • The second paragraph of your introduction gets very PBP. I'd like to see it cut down to just the bare minimum.
      • See what you think. I'll change it again if necessary, but I think I worked things out.
    • And what, exactly, is shaping? "Born into Domain Kwaad, a leading shaper domain, Mezhan Kwaad possessed prodigious talent for the art of shaping."
      • Addressed. "...talent for the art of shaping, a form of biological science which enabled the Yuuzhan Vong to bioengineer and create organisms which could serve the species"
    • I'd like to see some more context for this individual, please: "the guilt of defying Yun-Yuuzhan and his holy brethren disturbed Rapuung."
      • Addressed. "the guilt of defying Yun-Yuuzhan, the chief deity of the Yuuzhan Vong, disturbed Rapuung." Took out the "holy brethren" because it's really only Yun-Yuuzhan Rapuung cares about upsetting.
    • I don't understand any of this technical jargon. Try and dumb it down a little bit: " who had made an inspired choice of protocol to preserve the endocrine cloister on the ancient vessel."
      • Addressed. "who had made an inspired choice of protocol to preserve a section of the ancient vessel's nervous system."
        • Thanks, and sorry for not knowing what an endocrine cloister is. :P I've gone ahead and pipelinked that to "nervous system." Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:29, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
    • I don't understand what this is saying, either. Approached her how? "Yim, now a shaper adept, accompanied her new master to Yavin 4, although Kwaad did not yet approach the young shaper."
      • Clarified. "...Kwaad did not yet approach the young shaper on the subject of heresy"
    • Collaborating with whom? The YV? "discovered that members of the collaborationist organization known as the Peace Brigade"
      • Addressed. "...the Peace Brigade, an organization collaborating with the Yuuzhan Vong..."
    • Please break this sentence up a little bit, it becomes difficult to read: "Phaath, a strict adherent to the protocols, failed to see how Kwaad believed that Humans existed outside the eight cortexes of shaper lore, as Yun-Yuuzhan had theoretically created all life, and reminded Yim and, indirectly, her master, that to seek new knowledge, instead of petitioning the supreme overlord for it, was the stuff of heresy."
      • Cut in half at "...all life, and reminded..." to "...all life. He reminded..."
    • Four? I thought there were three here: "the four Yuuzhan Vong were suddenly assaulted by Veila through the Force."
      • Phaath brings an aide, as stated in the preceding section. Should this be clarified further before some anon takes it upon himself to correct my maths?
        • Oops! No, you're fine. My bad, I didn't register that bit apparently. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:29, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
    • The meaning of this is a bit hazy to me. Does tame Jedi refer to Veila? " as such a creature would pose a threat to her tame Jedi."
      • Addressed. "...would pose a threat to Veila, once Kwaad had bent the young Jedi girl to her will."
    • I don't necessarily like the way this reads, when the article states several times that she didn't believe in the gods: "No matter what her beliefs in the gods were"
      • Excised.
      • Very nice job, Harrar. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:38, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Thanks, and thanks for another helpful review, Top. Harrar 13:44, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
          • Glad to help. :) I'm not usually a big fan of the YV, but I genuinely enjoyed reading through this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:29, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 22:14, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

  • Pictures, as you may have noticed, are not my forté by any stretch of the imagination. Any help in tidying/cropping these if it's deemed necessary would be greatly appreciated.Harrar 21:07, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
    • I uploaded a new version of the main image with part of the head filled back in. I got the original piece from here, which you might want to check out, because it has an interesting note about the skin color on the final cover that you might want to include in the BTS. -- Ozzel 05:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
  • My only suggestion would be to break up some of the large paragraphs in the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:19, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
    • A fine suggestion. One new section, several smaller paragraphs. Harrar 22:33, 20 July 2008 (UTC)