Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Memit Nadill

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Memit Nadill

(6 Inqs/5 Users/9 Total)

Support

  1. -- AckbarSigdmirableAckbar (It's A Trap!) 21:02, 9 September 2007 (UTC)
  2. Chack Jadson Talk 21:45, 9 September 2007 (UTC)
  3. Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 15:43, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Imperialles 16:33, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
  5. Jedimca0(Do or Do Not, There is No Try) 17:17, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
  6. Livingston (The Force will be with you. Always.) 03:35, 11 September 2007 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote StarNeptuneTalk to me! 17:00, 11 September 2007 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote Greyman(Paratus) 18:15, 14 September 2007 (UTC)
  9. Inqvote Mesa liken dis mooey-mooey bombad Jedi! Gonk (Gonk!) 17:53, 15 September 2007 (UTC)
  10. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 01:22, 16 September 2007 (UTC)
  11. Inqvote Lord Hydronium 08:30, 16 September 2007 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
    • The phrase "regal, green-skinned humanoid" is used twice, which I find awkward.
      • Fixed.
    • Replace second use of "Unification Wars" in first paragraph of Biography with something clever and inventive.
      • Fixed.
    • The sentence "He was known to be a peaceful Jedi who, after the Unification Wars, hoped never to need his lightsaber again—however, he was extremely skillful with his weapon when the situation required it of him" can easily be broken in two.
      • Done.
    • Similar usage of the long dash later in the article also creates unwieldy sentences, which can be broken up as well.
      • Fixed.
    • Remove "None" under Hair Color; silly.
      • Done.
    • Physical appearance, Personality and traits, and Powers and abilities sections—the first and last of which are exceedingly short—can be merged into one section of tasteful length. Consider moving sentences and paragraphs around when doing so. Alternately, expand the Powers and abilities section.
      • Will get on that later when I have more time.
    • Images towards the bottom of the article are awkwardly positioned.
      • Fixed
    • Make the last sentence of the article more of a clincher, something definitive and memorable; this may be part of the aforementioned merger. Maybe mention the final disconnection of his lightsaber's power pack.
    • Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 01:32, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
  2. I finished off the other two objections for you. However, I have one more:
    • Create a Behind the scenes section laying out Memit Nadill's creation and the first and subsequent comics he appeared in. See Amanoa and Crado. This is becoming status quo on TOTJ FAs. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 13:24, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
  3. Two things:
    • Introduction: "In 5,000 BBY, after trusting in the visions of fellow Jedi Odan-Urr, Memit Nadill fought in the Great Hyperspace War, helping to repel the Sith Empire during the Invasion of Coruscant, leading a team of Jedi including Tuknatan, Anavus Svag and Sonam-Ha'ar." First of all, the "after trusting in the visions" part seems oddly worded and/or out of place. Secondly, the sentence should be split up; the "leading a team" part doesn't work well with the rest of the sentence.
      • Addressed.
    • Introduction: Hyperbole: "extremely skillful"
      • Addressed.
    --Imperialles 15:51, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
  4. From the Grey of Man:
    • Though this point is more of a comment, rather than an objection, is it possible to get a better lead quote for the very beginning? The current quote, IMO, doesn't really say anything about Nadill's character or persona. Just a suggestion.
    • Right now he is listed as a Jedi Knight in the opening paragraph, but he is in [[Category:Jedi Masters]]. Please clarify or rewrite.
      • Fixed.
    • From the introduction: "That marked the start of the Great Hyperspace War…" What marked the start? Nadill traveling to Coruscant? Please clarify.
      • Fixed.
    • In the intro, the second paragraph seems to be talking about his skills with lightsaber, and then it is randomly interjected that he was quite skilled in the art of battle meditation: "…Memit Nadill wielded a blue lightsaber, and often led Teta's forces in battle, and during the final skirmish of the Unification Wars he used Battle Meditation, a power he had quickly mastered from Odan-Urr.…" The battle meditation should either be expanded up for it's own paragraph in the intro, or should be cut out completely and discussed in his Powers and abilities section.
      • Fixed.
    • "It was the first such assignment for Odan-Urr, who preferred to think of himself as more of a scholar than a warrior." Random sentence here, with no explanation. Please expand upon why he thought of himself as more of a scholar rather than a warrior—the first few pages of Tales of the Jedi – The Golden Age of the Sith 0 explains this.
      • Fixed, I think.
    • Redundant internal links through the article.
    • From the first paragraph after intro: "…the young Draethos taught Memit the ancient power, which drained the morale of the enemy while boosting the morale of allies." It should be stated that draining and boosting morale was only one outcome of battle meditation—as per Nomi Sunrider's use of it proves. Please clarify that sentence to reflect that the morale side of it was one of several.
      • Addressed.
    • Please provide a brief explanation about Nadill's role in the defeat of the pirates on Kirrek. According to Page 10 of Tales of the Jedi – The Golden Age of the Sith 0 he uses his battle mediation—this isn't mentioned in the article for that specific part.
      • Fixed.
    • The first few sentences of the section "Odan Urr's Vision" seem rather choppy read like a list; please rewrite those few sentences so that they flow better.
      • Fixed, I think.
    • In the same sentences just mentioned, it should be linked that the two siblings where Gav and Jori.
      • Done.
    • The first paragraph of the section "Odan Urr's Vision" should really be two separate paragraphs since there are currently two distinct parts—the first being Nadill's rescue of the Daragons', and then Urr's dream. Please separate.
      • Fixed.
    • Where it is said "Nadill trusted his companion's judgment…", this implies that Odan Urr made a decision about something—however, the only information provided before this was that Urr had had a dream about the Sith. Please clarify and expand upon what Urr's judgment was and why Nadill decided to trust him—there is a specific line/piece of information found on page 23 of Tales of the Jedi – The Golden Age of the Sith 2.
      • Fixed.
    • "Nadill believed Jori Daragon and felt that this was the evidence which would surely convince the Jedi Order of the danger they presented by the ancient Sith." I think the last part of that sentence is worded wrong, as right now it doesn't make sense to me.
      • Fixed.
    • From the section "Battle of Coruscant": "Nadill fought using the Force, eliminating the Sith threat from Coruscant." Please expand upon this as there are several examples of the fight given in the comics.
      • Fixed.
    • "With much of the Sith invasion force destroyed or forced into retreat, the Jedi allowed the survivors to flee back to the Sith Empire." There is something off about the wording of this sentence which makes it a little awkward. Please reword, clarify, and/or expand.
      • Fixed.
    • From the section "Victory": "Meanwhile, the Sith were also been defeated on Kirrek by Odan-Urr and Ooroo…" Please fix the wording of this sentence.
      • Fixed.
    • A little context surrounding the death of Master Ooroo would be appreciated.
      • Done.
    • "Memit Nadill was a thin, green-skinned humanoid with several small tails sprouting from the back of his head." This is the exact same sentence from the introduction—please rewrite accordingly.
      • Fixed.
    • In the P&T it is mentioned that "His chin was strong". Please expand/explain or remove it, as that borders on OR.
      • Addressed.
    • Sentence fragment → "Several small horns studded the Jedi's head." Expand upon, or rewrite it so it flows with another description of his facial features.
      • Addressed.
    • The first paragraph of the P&T has me scratching my head. I think that a complete rewrite/copy-edit needs to be done on it since it's basically just a listing his physical features: He had a strong chin. His head had tiny tails. His head also had small thorns. He had green fur on his arms. All of this is fine, but it doesn't belong under his Personality and traits since it is all physical appearance stuff. If you want to keep that stuff, then I recommend creating a new section called "Physical appearance" and rewriting it under there.
      • Blame Graestan. But yeah, fixed and expanded slightly.
    • All the points that you list in the second paragraph of the P&T need to be expanded upon and provided with their own examples. Provide examples of how he was an "experienced Jedi"; expand upon his wisdom by demonstrating several instances where he showed it during his time as an advisor to Teta; why did he prefer peaceful resolutions to problems? He was skilled with a lightsaber, yes, but examples of this need to be shown (also, this needs to be removed from the P&T and rewritten/integrated into the Powers and abilities). The trust he had for Urr needs to be expanded upon or be completely removed—his trust, IMO, was one of his central values and he demonstrated his trust throughout the comics in more ways than mentioned.
      • Addressed.
    • No mention of his battle meditation is given in his Powers and abilities section. Please add this power and expand upon it by giving examples and context.
      • Fixed.
      • Greyman(Paratus) 20:47, 11 September 2007 (UTC)
        • Thank you for your helpful input and objections. I will address the remaining points tomorrow. (all done) -- AckbarSigdmirableAckbar (It's A Trap!) 21:56, 11 September 2007 (UTC)
          • No problem :) As I mentioned in IRC, I'm going to withhold support until after you're done the expansion you were telling me about. I don't see it being a problem though ;) Greyman(Paratus) 14:55, 12 September 2007 (UTC)
  5. Just a couple minor things
    • Who was Gav Daragon's "friend and mentor." This should be clarifyed.
      • Addressed.
    • Could we get a better lead quote for the P&T? The current one doesn't really seem to capture his personality.
      • I added the one that was on the Odan-Urr's vision section (replacing that one with another). It's the best quote I could find that shows his character, though it's not perfect.
    • Otherwise, I have no problems. Good work. Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 00:56, 16 September 2007 (UTC)

Comments

  • All in all, a great article. The work required to make it even better is minimal. I am impressed, to say the least. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 01:32, 10 September 2007 (UTC)