Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Massacre at Ossus

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Massacre at Ossus

(0 Inq/0 User/0 Total)

Support

Oppose

  1. No BtS. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:30, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
    • How'd I miss that!? Well, whatever, its written now. Darthchristian 22:08, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the Forest of Goodwood, within dwells someone who has not read Legacy...
    • Introduction tree:
      • There seems to be a bit of tense confusion here: "Krayt believed that in order for his coup to be successful, he must first eliminate any potential threats to his rule—thus, he reasoned, the Jedi Order had to be destroyed."
      • The entire second half of the first intro paragraph, starting with "Krayt believed..." needs to be rewritten for conciseness and clarity.
      • The first two sentences of the second intro paragraph are essentially repeats of the previous two.
      • POV: "overwhelming might" in the second intro paragraph. Better to say "superior numbers of..."
      • "Few Padawans were able to escape in Jedi Shuttles." Fragmentary. Please revise.
      • The last two sentences of the intro also need a complete rewrite for conciseness and clarity. In addition, the intro needs to be reworked in order to provide more details of the battle and its history.
        • They're also speculative and OR (Original Research).
    • Prelude roots:
      • "Much of the Galactic Alliance was absorbed into the Empire at the end of the Sith-Imperial War, but the reigning Emperor, Roan Fel, knew that while the Alliance had surrendered, the Jedi would stay true to the will of the Force." This doesn't really make sense to someone who hasn't read the Legacy comics. Please elaborate on these concepts, breaking up the sentence as necessary.
      • These two sentences are just...horrible. "Unknown to him was that, that relationship between his Empire and the Jedi Order could never happen. The Jedi would never be loyal to an Empire supporting Siths, something Darth Krayt knew and one of the main reasons he planned the Massacre"
      • They're also barely on the near side of POV; in addition, these concepts too need to be elaborated for someone who has not read the Legacy comics.
      • What level? Please explain: "What Fel did not count on was that the Sith would intervene at a lower level than his."
      • This, again, needs to be better explained, and referenced appropriately: "Their leader, Darth Krayt, had known the Jedi from decades previous and knew that even if they agreed to work with Fel, they would never accept the direction that Krayt intended to take the galaxy."
      • Fragment, please revise: "The Jedi would never even allow a Sith as Emperor so if his vision of order was to be fulfilled, the Jedi had to die to the last being."
        • There are still problems with this sentence.
      • Surely there's a better way to word this: "Lest he be made to appear an idiot later, Veed agreed to countermand Fel's order and make it look like his own idea."
    • Massacre trunk
      • Please explain why there were Yuuzhan Vong warriors and shapers at the Academy. Remember, not everyone has read Legacy. "Many Jedi were killed, along with numerous Yuuzhan Vong warriors and shapers who were present at the time of the attack."
        • Now the sentence needs to be readjusted for grammar and conciseness, possibly split.
      • If possible, please give details as to how the attack played out. How did hostilities initiate? By what means did the Sith/Imperial forces land troops? How did the Jedi defend themselves? Remember, this is a battle article, and thus such details are vital.
        • Okay, so you've given some details, now please rewrite them with proper grammar.
      • Who is this guy? Please elaborate, both on who he is and how he was wounded. "to take Master Sazen"
      • This could be reworded better: "The ensuing dogfight with a number of enemy Predator-class fighters witnessed the apparent death of Cade.
    • Aftermath branches:
      • Please merge these two sentences or elaborate each, giving details on the first insofar as what kind of casualties were suffered: "The Sith suffered their own casualties, along with the Imperial forces. But the attack was not the all-destroying blow Krayt had wished."
      • OR and POV. Please reword and properly reference, or eliminate entirely: "Not only had Krayt made Darth Sidious's mistake again, but he had been far less comprehensive in destroying the order than Sidious had been."
        • Still OR.
      • Repetitive, please reword or remove: "Krayt had not been patient for the rest of the Order to arrive on Ossus."
      • A very bold statement considering what you reference it with. I'd even go so far as to call it OR: "This, however, proved to still be somewhat an efficient move, as Cade would leave the Order because of his father's death, and this event would drag him closer to the dark side, ultimately making him a Sith."
      • This is also OR, unless you can specifically reference Krayt or another Sith stating that: "The massacre was also the event that forced the Sith to move openly against Emperor Fel."
    • Bts leaves:
      • The Bts is pretty bare-bones at the moment. Perhaps you could detail some of the flashbacks, mentioning what issues they appear in, and what is depicted in them.
      • Moving OR from the Aftermath section to the Bts in order to fill it out does not make it any less OR.
    • Closing tree:
      • Please check your linking, making sure to provide links where needed and eliminating overlinking (one link each in the infobox and/or introduction and/or body in all cases).
    • TIMMMMMBERRRRRR!!!--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 04:43, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
      • All fixed- Dookurules338 14:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
        • No, they're not all fixed. Furthermore, you do not strike objections from other users. It is up to the objector to see if they are satisfied that the objection has been fulfilled; if they decide that any one objection has, then they will strike it themselves. Thank you and have a nice day.--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 17:03, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
      • Well at least some of it is done, so could you at least check out what is done and strike it. Dookurules338 15:38, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Small bits have been fixed. Overall, though, I have to say that the article is no better off than when you first nominated it.--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 13:59, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
      • The Aftermath, prelude and intro have been fixed of everything, so you can start striking them out. Dookurules338 15:45, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. "Siths"? "Stortroopers"? Seriously, if you haven't a clue what you're doing, you really should not be attempting to write an FA. The standard of the original article was fine, but the majority of your additions are...not up to scratch. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:38, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought Greyman wrote this... -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:30, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
    • I didn't look, but he said he worked very hard on it. He asked me to nom it because he's new, since newbies cant edit this page. Darthchristian 21:58, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
      • Dookurules made 4 edits, amounting to fewer than 2000 bytes, to answer your question. Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:48, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
        • Hmm....okay. Darthchristian 16:54, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
          • I've corrected most of the objections. If someone doesn't agree with those corrections or have some more objections to point out, be my guest to do it. KDST 18:43, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)

  1. Inqvote User appears to have given up with the nom, and it still has ways to go; unless Greyman or someone else wants to adopt it, I doubt it'll go anywhere. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:53, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote I just read the article, and with all apologies to Greyman, this is not the same as what he wrote. Rife with OR and bad grammar the article is. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:36, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote User is now also blocked for three months. This isn't going anywhere soon. Graestan(Talk) 11:46, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Given that he is now blocked. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:38, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Bleh. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 09:30, 18 July 2008 (UTC)