Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Marda Ro's journal

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Marda Ro's journal

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)

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Support

  1. Inqvote copy-edit; objections handled via Discord.—spookywillowwtalk 01:56, 30 September 2024 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Tommy-Macaroni (he/they) 19:35, 26 October 2024 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Master FredceriqueCommerce Guild(talk) (he/him) 18:26, 27 November 2024 (UTC)
  4. Booply (talk) 18:30, 28 November 2024 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote OOM 224 (he/him/they) 01:11, 29 November 2024 (UTC)
  6. CometSmudge (talk) 18:57, 29 November 2024 (UTC)

Object

Tommy
  • I think the intro could probably include some more detail on the entries included in the journal; a single small paragraph on the main subject is probably a bit short.
    • Did speak with Sana on this and we both felt that given the size of the IU portion of this page that a 3rd paragraph might be a bit overkill Lewisr (talk) 17:16, 20 October 2024 (UTC)
      • Slight update, seems Sana added a couple sentences in the top paragraph before and forgot to reply here, does that work? Lewisr (talk) 18:21, 20 October 2024 (UTC)
        • Yeah that's good. I was only looking for a sentence or two, I agree a third paragraph would be overkill. Tommy-Macaroni (he/they) 19:35, 26 October 2024 (UTC)
  • "founder of a group of pirates who would eventually become the Nihil—herself,[3]" - is this ref being used to source Marda's pronouns as well? If so, I'd rather we use a published source if possible. Based on her article, Path of Deceit should be able to do this.
    • (Only for the direct above) Moved the reference and cited her pronoun to Temptation which uses it Lewisr (talk) 03:14, 11 October 2024 (UTC)
  • "Another account of a different conversation between the two was included in another message." - The triple use of another/different means I can't really understand what this sentence is trying to say.
    • Was meant to indicate a conversation between Marda and Alirya but did tweak it, how's that now? Lewisr (talk) 03:14, 11 October 2024 (UTC)
      • Looks good, but is there no relevant info from that convo that can be added? What was their conversation about? Tommy-Macaroni (he/they) 07:24, 11 October 2024 (UTC)
  • "which was written as a collection of entries recorded for the journal." - in the context of the sentence, this appears to be referring to Tales of Light and Life, or even THR in general, and not A Closed Fist Has No Claws which I assume is the intention.
    • Tweaked to make it more clear it's referring to "A Closed Fist" Lewisr (talk) 03:14, 11 October 2024 (UTC)
  • "he wanted to plant some things" - "things" sounds a little unencyclopedic, could we say "plot devises" or something similar?
    • Changed Lewisr (talk) 03:14, 11 October 2024 (UTC)
  • The quote in Connection to Marchion Ro is sourced to the short story itself, is this correct?
    • Fixed that, thanks for spotting Lewisr (talk) 03:14, 11 October 2024 (UTC)
  • Reviewing note: in my copy-edit, I noticed a couple of instances where you add a comma before "but" unnecessarily. I've got an article about correct usage here and there's also an on-site guide here. Tommy-Macaroni (he/they) 08:52, 10 October 2024 (UTC)
Fred strikes back
  • "Another series of messages covered the time Ro spent with the Evereni twins Vika and Velya Faer, the feast at which Alirya died while trying to kill Vika..." This indicates that the location of the feast and the feast itself have been mentioned prior.
    • Should be sorted now Lewisr (talk) 03:23, 19 November 2024 (UTC)
  • I'm pretty good at keeping track of alternating pronouns, but the Bts was difficult even for me at times. It might be a smoother read if the pronouns alternated every sentence instead of 2-3 times within the same sentence. Of course while still getting fairly equal usage of each set of pronouns. Master FredceriqueCommerce Guild(talk) (he/him) 20:28, 18 November 2024 (UTC)
OOM
  • Review note: my copy-edit. Dashes are cool, but I suggest using them sparingly :P
  • The Otheruses isn't really relevant to this article, and I find the first sentence of the intro a bit on the long side.
  • "at some point no earlier than" is rather clunky. Since this is just the intro, I think we can do without this date.
    • Kept it cause I think it's worth keeping, but trimmed it down Lewisr (talk) 00:49, 29 November 2024 (UTC)
  • "Despite its existence being implied by the format of the short story and the journal being discussed by Gratton in an interview, its existence as an in-universe recording was not confirmed until" — I don't think this is needed. You could just get straight to something like "the existence of the in-universe journal was confirmed by"
    • Tweaked Lewisr (talk) 00:49, 29 November 2024 (UTC)
  • Unless the short story or Temptation mentions Marchion's Declaration, I think it would be good to mention that it was made in The Fallen Star. OOM 224 (he/him/they) 23:48, 28 November 2024 (UTC)
    • It's referenced in Temptation but felt it was better to just outright say where it was done by adding The Fallen Star Lewisr (talk) 00:49, 29 November 2024 (UTC)
Comet
  • The second BTS paragraph mentions "the same interview", but the interview isn't introduced before then.
    • Ah yeah the result of it before removed per an objection above, sorted now Lewisr (talk) 17:58, 29 November 2024 (UTC)
  • The mention of Phase II in the BTS would seem unrelated to readers not familiar with THR, so I think it could make sense to note how ACFHNC is connected to it. CometSmudge (talk) 17:49, 29 November 2024 (UTC)
    • Does that work now? Lewisr (talk) 17:58, 29 November 2024 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 19:04, 29 November 2024 (UTC)