Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Jori Daragon

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Jori Daragon

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:56, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:44, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Inq'in from afar. Nice job, Ataru. Greyman(Talk) 10:06, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:56, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote That's a, uh, nice rack ya got there. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:30, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
    • I'm a bit iffy on the c. 5,020 BBY DoB. She could be 15 or 25, for all we know, and I think it should be ambigufied some.
    • The mention of their Force-sensitivity in the intro seems like it was just thrown in. Please refer to it earlier on in the intro or else clarify the link between their Force-sensitivity and what was happening in their lives.
      • Fixed, I think. Let me know if you want some more context; it's never explicitly said they were guided by the Force when they made that blind jump, just sorta inferred. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 22:31, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Looks fine.
    • I'd like to see an extra introductory sentence, stating her homeworld, species, and the approximate time she lived in.
      • Sentence with homeworld and time added. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 22:31, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
        • I still don't see the big deal about duplicating a little bit of important info, but I'll let it slide.
    • There's a bit of inconsistency with "Starbreaker 12" and "the Starbreaker 12." Please choose one and stick with it; using the "the" looks better, imho, though either works.
    • The assassins' attack in "Early life" could be fleshed out a bit, methinks. As is, it's kind of casually mentioned without proper explanation.
      • Contextified. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 22:31, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Better, but I think a bit more detail would be prudent. I got a second opinion from Grae, who is familiar with source, and he agrees that a bit more detail is needed.
    • "She subsequently appeared in two later installments of Tales of the Jedi" -- didn't she only appear in one later installment, after the Golden Age of the Sith?
    • I think a "Legacy" section or, at the very least, paragraph at the end of the bio would be prudent. We know that she was mentioned by characters millenia after her death (Vector and Firestorm) and in historical documents (NEC and EGttF). Also, IIRC, there's a piece in the EGttF saying how many people begrudged Odan-Urr for saving her and Gav when the assassins cornered them, claiming that if he hadn't, the GHW would never have occurred; therefore, a mention that there was some illfeeling toward them in any "Legacy" section might be good.
  2. From the tower of Chack Jadson:
    • In the intro, give a bit about why Sadow wanted his fellow Lords to think the Republic was invading.
    • Several repeated links throughout the article. Sadow, Koros Major, etc
    • I feel like FAing Aarrba now. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:06, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
      • Fixed both. I got 3 of the repeated links, but let me know if you see others. Alternately, AWB should handle all this. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 13:45, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. Toprawa:
    • I'd like to see some kind of context for "Teta." Are we talking about the planet or the individual? "were killed by rebels while delivering supplies to Teta's soldiers"
    • Please reword something here. Pretty redundant: "their creditor, Aarrba the Hutt, extended their credit,"
    • Something should link to this pendant. At the very least, please create a red link: " as Sadow presented her with a pendant"
    • I'm not sure what this is saying exactly. Please clarify: "Jori was eager to find a ship or at least a weapon to aid in the defense of the ship"
    • Ok, in regards to tht pendant objection, is this "Sith amulet" you refer to later the same pendant? I'm confused why she suspects this: "The Sith amulet she still held in her possession began to tingle and she suspected that Gav was nearby."
      • Same thing, and uh, it's not well explained in the comic. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:29, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
    • This is just technical mumbo jumbo to me. I am unclear as to the significance of any of this. I'd like to see this reworded to specify what all of this means: "where Naga Sadow had his meditation sphere stationed while he conjured Sith sorcery and Force illusions across the galaxy."
      • Contextified, though not much, as it's not pertinent to Jori. 16:29, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
    • I'd like to see some kind of article for this supernova, in accordance with our Cron Supernova article. At the very least, please make a red link: "However, he was trapped on the meditation sphere when Sadow triggered a supernova in the giant star."
    • The little blurb in her P/T about being able to wield a lightsaber in combat seems very disjointed from the rest of the paragraph, which is dealing with personality and then suddenly digresses to her physical abilities, before going back again to personality. I'd like to see that bit put somewhere else in the section/paragraph.
      • I have made a new para and tossed in Force-sensitivity and piloting abilities. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:29, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
    • The opening quote has her describing herself as a great pilot, but nothing really covers this in the P/T. I feel something should be added there. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:45, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 17:30, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

  • Shame on you for pipelinking "Great Sith War" instead of "Great Hyperspace War." You're such a TotJ noob :-P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:17, 18 July 2008 (UTC)