Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Janse

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Janse

  • Nominated by: Hanzo Hasashi 20:41, December 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Dick Solomon on Endor? More likely than you'd think.

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying AYO, gotta let go. Menkooroo 21:35, January 1, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:06, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
  3. "The bathroom will be stocked with two types of toilet paper and only I, and I ALONE... can use the quilted kind." Trak Nar Ramble on 05:32, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
  4. "I'm in a world of shit, yes… but I am alive. And I am not afraid." graestan(talk) 06:00, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
  5. Plagueis327 18:58, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote I can Inq this nom with no handlebars. No handlebars. No handlebars. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:05, February 16, 2012 (UTC)
  7. "Baby, baby, baby, oh!"...oh wait...sorry. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 04:45, February 17, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Floyd
  • In the body you refer to him as a "former sharpshooter" while the intro and P&T gives the impression that he was always a sharpshooter. Rectify this.
    • Taken care of.
  • Generally, the body should be more from Janse's point-of-view. It reads as if it is an article about the strike team and its mission, not about Janse himself.
    • But the thing is the majority of the info does not directly state things from his point of view. Simply the fact that he was part of the strike team made the stuff relevant to him, though he did not appear onscreen on Endor in the film, and he is not specifically mentioned in Night Attack. As is, I've already condensed stuff that was more related to the mission itself (example not the specific details of the speeder bike chase, got rid of some details more relevant for Derlin and Delevar, etc., did not mention every detail of ground battle, etc). Hanzo Hasashi 05:33, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
      • Good enough.
  • Fix these and I'll give the article another look.

IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 02:53, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

Toprawa
  • Given that he appears in that photo behind s'Too Vees, I would strongly recommend going through all the items in the 'stoo Vees article's Sources list to see if any of those pictures also include Janse. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:36, January 5, 2012 (UTC)
  • Is it really necessary to mention again here that he was a former sharpshooter? The intro already establishes this a few sentences earlier: "By then also a former sharpshooter, Janse served as a scout on hunting expeditions."
    • He has some interesting history as a sharpshooter. He was a former sharpshooter by the time of the Battle of Endor, according to the CSWE. Then, according to the Fact File, he served as a sharpshooter in the strike team. I felt like the info I put was necessary. See Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing's objection. Hanzo Hasashi 23:58, January 19, 2012 (UTC)
  • I gave a partial copy-edit through the bio and stopped when I noticed that Janse's name is only mentioned three times in the entire second subsection of the biography, and not at all in the final 642 words of that section. This becomes particularly problematic, as it smacks of substantial amounts of fluff and/or information that we potentially don't even know if it relates specifically to the Janse character at all. The article needs to go through these final 642 words and make as best an effort as possible to tie this information back to Janse. For example, if the strike team as a whole is doing something, try to word it as "Janse and the strike team," rather than just "the strike team," so that the article always comes back to its primary purpose of telling the story of its subject, Janse, and not everything going on around him. Alternatively, if we cannot canonically tie this information back to Janse, we should seriously consider cutting out what I fear are copious amounts of fluff and only leaving the bare meat and potatoes of events that we can canonically prove involve Janse, which I am aware may in fact seriously jeopardize this article's quest for FA status. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:32, January 16, 2012 (UTC)
    • We don't see him onscreen in the film, and all that is confirmed is he was part of the strike team that went to Endor. Can the info from Night Attack be canonically assumed to be relevant to Janse though? I guess the same with everything onscreen that occurred in the Battle of Endor. Hanzo Hasashi 19:36, January 16, 2012 (UTC)
      • Can I just write his name a few more times, and properly source it, even though all the sources simply say is that he was part of the strike team? Hanzo Hasashi 17:59, January 17, 2012 (UTC)
        • Wrote his name in a couple of the Night Attack paragraphs. Hope that's good enough sourcing. Hanzo Hasashi 20:32, January 17, 2012 (UTC)
  • This is a point in the article where I think the text just goes into too much extraneous detail that doesn't really specifically concern Janse in the least. The bulk of the strike team, Janse included, isn't even near this scene of action that the article is explaining. They're waiting back in the rear for the forward scouts (Luke, Han, Leia, Chewie) to make sure the coast is clear. For all we know, Janse might be sitting in the shuttle picking goobers. :P There's really no crucial reason to go into such explicit detail here that we're mentioning Avarik and Elsek's name, or that Solo alerted them by stepping on a twig, or that they erupted into a fistfight. For Janse's purposes, this can much more effectively be summarized into something very brief that only explains that Solo tipped off a group of scout troopers to the strike team's presence, resulting in a speeder bike chase that separated Leia from the group and which prompted the command crew to go off looking for her. Then go into the rest of the paragraph beginning with the sentence "Janse[3] and the rest of the squad waited...": "Shortly after landing on the moon's surface, the strike team encountered an Imperial scout trooper patrol, which consisted of Corporal Avarik and Sergeant Elsek. Solo and his copilot, the Wookiee Chewbacca, attempted to stealthily ambush the pair of troopers; however, their cover was blown when Solo stepped on a twig, leading to a fistfight between the Rebel general and Avarik.[2] With more scout troopers consequently being alerted to the strike team's presence, command crew members Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa mounted Avarik's 74-Z speeder bike and gave chase." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:28, February 16, 2012 (UTC)
    • It was weird that I wasn't signed in. I must have autologged out, or just actually forgot to sign in. :P Hanzo Hasashi 03:47, February 16, 2012 (UTC)
  • In in the interest of using the most recently published source possible for referencing purposes, I would recommend using the second edition of GG5, rather than the first, in reference 6.
  • Similar to the previous objection regarding level of detail, I think this, too, can be summarized more efficiently. I don't even really think this sentence is necessary. I think you can just skip right to the next sentence and start it with something like "The strike team proceeded to infiltrate the bunker...": "Although four scout troopers guarded the bunker's back door, one of the Ewoks, Paploo, stole one of their speeder bikes, and three of them gave chase, while the remaining one was captured by the strike team."
  • This is not self-sourcing: "which is dated one year prior to the Battle of Endor."
    • Responded to all of the above. Hanzo Hasashi 05:47, February 16, 2012 (UTC)
  • Please order Sources list by correct OOU publication date. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:01, February 16, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 05:12, February 17, 2012 (UTC)

  • Not surprised that this nom is still on here. I am certainly able to continue working on it, but as the semester goes on, my workload will limit my time here. If in two weeks this nom is still unfinished, can someone else take over? Hanzo Hasashi 23:59, January 10, 2012 (UTC)