Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Garth Ezzar

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Garth Ezzar

  • Nominated by: Jinzler 10:19, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A Dark Jedi student of Palpatine

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:37, June 15, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 10:13, June 20, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Obvious Star Trek reference is obvious. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 15:10, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote --Eyrezer 09:53, August 19, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 04:39, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Menkooroo 14:11, October 6, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Floyd:
  • Intro: "Born on a Rim worlds colony" Which Rim? Inner? Outer? Dare I say... Mid?
    • The source only identifies it as a "Rim worlds colony". I have provisionally linked to the Rim Worlds disambiguation page, although that seems to suggest that "Rim worlds" is a term used to describe the Outer Rim. I don't know the source for that and I would appreciate you thoughts as to what would be the most appropriate course of action here. --Jinzler 11:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • Intro: "after he maimed someone and started a fire." Who did he maim? Contextify.
    • Unfortunately, the source material is at times very vague. This is one such case and it is kind of impossible for me to give any further context on this, because the article already includes all known information on the subject. --Jinzler 11:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • Intro: "The pair went on a criminal rampage, eventually attracting the attention of the Jedi Order, and the woman plotted to murder Ezzar, then leave his body for the Jedi to find, so that he could take all of the blame for their crimes." Rambles on quite a bit, could use splitting up.
    • Fixed --Jinzler 11:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • Same Rim worlds issue also applies to the body.
    • See my above comment --Jinzler 11:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • And again with the whole "maimed someone" deal.
    • Per above, this is unfortunately not possible. --Jinzler 11:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • "The duo owned and operated the Comet Broom Service, a company that monitored and destroyed rogue comets that strayed into the Cularin system's shipping lanes, and Ezzar commissioned the Wookiees to carry out the Cometary Water Reclamation Project, an operation to insert a comet into orbit of Almas, so that water could be brought to the planet and used to terraform the Almas Wasteland." Sentence needs to be split up.
    • Done --Jinzler 11:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • Also, context on the Almas Wasteland.
    • Done --Jinzler 11:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • Is the info about Cthon realizing that Ezzar was different really relevant? She doesn't have any impact on him whatsoever.
    • I kind of liked this and thought that it was relevant However, I have now removed that section, in deference to your greater judgement. --Jinzler 11:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • This article could actually use a nice copyedit.
  • "Ezzar inflicted an injury on the Jedi Master" What kind of injury? Lightsaber?
    • I have now removed this. The details revealed about the fight are particularly vague and the source only reveals that Mundi had to be admitted to a MedBay after it. I don't think there is enough information to assume that his admission arose as a result of something done by Ezzar. --Jinzler 11:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • Context on the Believers.
    • Done --Jinzler 11:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:18, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks for your review. I am going to try and find someone else to resolve the copy-edit objection, because I don't have sufficient FAN experience to know what changes you are expecting to see in regards to that area. I will keep you updated. --Jinzler 11:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
      • Done, thanks go to Master Jonathan. Let me know if you have any further concerns. --Jinzler 09:53, June 14, 2011 (UTC)
Kilson
  • In the Intro, "During the Clone Wars, Sidious sent Ezzar to the Cularin system, on a mission to discredit the Jedi of the Almas Academy," you say in the Bio that this took place around 21 BBY. Could you insert that here.
    • Done --Jinzler 10:08, June 20, 2011 (UTC)
  • This is more of a question than an objection: Would creating an article for the colony he was born on would be inappropriate? Also, you should add the colony to the "homeworld" field of the Infobox.
    • I have now created an article for that. --Jinzler 10:08, June 20, 2011 (UTC)
  • Otherwise, nice job Jinzler. A long and interesting read. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 17:14, June 19, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thank you! --Jinzler 10:08, June 20, 2011 (UTC)
Eyrezer
  1. You are missing a ref in the infobox. --Eyrezer 22:57, August 12, 2011 (UTC)
    • Fixed --Jinzler 13:57, August 17, 2011 (UTC)
  2. "he had no compunction against sacrificing his minions, as he believed that that was what they were there for." The last part of this sentence is pretty causal. Can you rewrite it? --Eyrezer 10:38, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
    • Reworded --Jinzler 13:57, August 17, 2011 (UTC)
  3. There are now 4 redlinks. --Eyrezer 10:51, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
    • Fixed --Jinzler 13:57, August 17, 2011 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • One really quick question before I review: is this Rim Worlds colony both his birthworld and his homeworld? Even if he was born on this planet, explicit verification by sources is still needed to classify it as his homeworld too. Please clarify. CC7567 (talk) 20:41, September 3, 2011 (UTC)
    • On re-reviewing the source, it appears that it is not explicitly stated that he was born on the Rim Worlds colony, so I have altered the article in respect to that. The sources do not explictly describe the colony as his homeworld, but do portray the colony as being where he grew up. In my opinion, there is sufficient evidence that it is his homeworld, but I'm happy to remove the world from the "Homeworld" field in the infobox if you judge that to be a more prudent approach. --Jinzler 10:12, September 6, 2011 (UTC)
      • I understand your reasoning, but I'm still a little hesitant about having it referenced as his homeworld when it wasn't explicitly identified as such. There could have been any number of potential reasons why he may not have grown up on his actual homeworld, and while I'm sure that you know the material better than me (I've barely heard of this campaign before I glanced at this article :P), yeah, it would be good to reflect only what's been officially stated in publications (and not assuming more than what's there). CC7567 (talk) 05:50, September 9, 2011 (UTC)
        • I have now removed it from the "homeworld" infobox field. --Jinzler 09:52, September 11, 2011 (UTC)
          • School is going to be a little crazy for me this week, but I'll try to give the article a proper look as soon as possible. CC7567 (talk) 02:34, September 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • I removed a duplicate ref (to "Destruction") in the third paragraph of "Student of the dark side"; could you check to just make sure there wasn't a ref missing somewhere?
    • Checked, I think that was just a mistake --Jinzler 10:50, September 21, 2011 (UTC)
  • "Ezzar established a base of operations in the Darkside region of the Coruscant Undercity, forming a network of spies there": do either his base of operations or his spy network deserve articles here?
    • I have re-read the source and I do not think that it is appropriate to create an article for the base, because the source is a bit vague and is not clear as to whether he had a specific base, or whether Darkside as a whole was considered to be his "base." I have now created an article on his spy network. --Jinzler 10:50, September 21, 2011 (UTC)
  • I'm about halfway through "The Comet Broom plot" and I'm noticing that there is rather excessive usage of "so" (", so") in the article. There isn't any hard and set rule about word variation, but do you think you could vary your word choice a bit more? There are many ways to say that something caused something else, and I think the article would benefit from it.
    • I have now re-written a number of parts of the article, to reduce usage of "so". --Jinzler 10:50, September 21, 2011 (UTC)
  • I have to stop there due to time constraints, but I'll pick up once these are taken care of. CC7567 (talk) 03:20, September 21, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thank you for your review so far. --Jinzler 10:50, September 21, 2011 (UTC)
  • Jumping back a little bit: when you say "Ezzar's abilities were not recognized," do you mean that he wasn't recruited by the Jedi? It's otherwise unclarified when you go on to say that his powers caused him to be "admired" by some.
    • I have now further clarified this; to be honest the source is quite vague in relation to this. --Jinzler 21:50, September 29, 2011 (UTC)
  • Is there any context that can be given for Ul-Modo besides simply being a "Cerean"? While species may be notable in articles, it's best to primarily rely on occupations or positions for adequate, descriptive context. Even if he was just a civilian on Almas, that's worth saying.
    • Added --Jinzler 21:50, September 29, 2011 (UTC)
  • "Soon afterward, a pirate ship that Ezzar had hired arrived near Almas, to assist him in his attack." I think it would be worth mentioning this at the chronological place in his biography when it happens, instead of later here and having to refer back to it as extra context.
    • Done --Jinzler 21:50, September 29, 2011 (UTC)
  • "He then returned to his own ship and the Star Courier, the customs ship, and the pirate vessel dropped into the atmosphere of Almas and bombarded the Almas Academy with turbolasers and concussion missiles." This sentence is definitely a run-on; please see what you can do to ease up the sentence flow.
    • Done --Jinzler 21:50, September 29, 2011 (UTC)
  • "He liked to collect lightsabers as trophies": does the source specifically say that he liked to collect them as trophies of his kills? That might be worth mentioning if it's stated.
    • Unfortunately, the source does not explicitly state that he took the lightsabers of his kills and does not provide any further context on this. --Jinzler 21:50, September 29, 2011 (UTC)
  • Please be careful of run-on sentences in the future. To prevent long-winded sentence structure, always make sure to isolate independent and dependent sentence clauses wherever possible. CC7567 (talk) 05:28, September 23, 2011 (UTC)
    • I will bear that in mind when writing articles in the future. --Jinzler 21:50, September 29, 2011 (UTC)
Ezzar
  • despite the fact that the code was not programmed into the comet's memory core. --- should that be "computer's memory core?" I didn't think the comet was robotic. :D
    • Fixed --Jinzler 13:06, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
  • Also, I just want to confirm that Sidious's true identity can be sourced to A Hero Seeks Not Vengeance. Can it? Menkooroo 12:15, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
    • Yes, this information can be sourced to p.43 of AHSNV. Thank you for your review! --Jinzler 13:06, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
  • Sorry, a few more: On his way, he was ambushed by Ezzar near the abandoned base. Ezzar engaged Mundi in a brief fight --- are they still in space here? The wording is kinda ambiguous. Can you give a bit more description to indicate that Ezzar is in the Star Courier and that they're dogfighting (also, is it known what kind of ship Ki-Adi is in)?
    • The source is quite vague about the nature of the fight and it isn't possible to be more specific. --Jinzler 09:09, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
  • Afterward, he stole the protocol droid E1-6RA from the Academy ruins --- has the Academy been destroyed? A ground assault has been mentioned, but its outcome hasn't been indicated yet. Can you make a note of the battle's outcome?
    • Fixed, I think that I accidently removed this information while responding to previous FAN objections --Jinzler 09:09, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
  • It also reads a bit strangely that he flees from the Academy, but is at the Academy (ruins) in the next sentence. Did he come back after the Heroes left?
    • I have now further clarfied this, as the wording was misleading --Jinzler 09:09, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
  • Since we're not supposed to link to disambiguation pages, I recommend figuring out which kind of Transmitter was built into the droid and linking directly to that.
    • The source just calls it an "emergency transmitter." I have added a redlink. --Jinzler 09:09, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
  • Powers and abilities and Equipment look really good, but the layout guide places Equipment generally after P&A for character articles. Any reason for the swap?
    • I think I copies this layout struture from another article, but I can't remember which one. Fixed --Jinzler 09:09, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
  • The images seem kinda crowded together. How about moving the latter two down a few paragraphs? Images needn't necessarily be placed at the beginnings of sections. Whaddya think?
    • Done --Jinzler 09:09, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
  • That's all! Interesting and well-done. Menkooroo 14:08, September 30, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 14:11, October 6, 2011 (UTC)