Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Ganner Krieg

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Ganner Krieg

  • Nominated by: Menkooroo 07:00, December 2, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Ganner? I barely know her.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Kreig's my favorite Imp. Knight, next to Treis Sinde.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:00, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Good work, but watch your linking. Link directly to article in pipelinks, not through redirects. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:49, March 28, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Nicely done. - Lord Hydronium 19:34, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Grunny (talk) 09:54, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Feel free to modify any of the quote captions I changed if necessary. CC7567 (talk) 23:16, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 20:21, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 09:06, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Because someone should be looking at this:
    • There's quite a few instances of dialogue being paraphrased that feels a bit play-by-play. Examples: "Draco wondered if loyalty was the same as obedience", the conversation between Fel and Krieg in Trust Issues, "Krieg dueled Vao and asked him if all visitors were welcomed with swinging lightsabers". Rather than retell all the dialogue between them, I'd suggest conversations be boiled down to their key points (and if it's not so important that the character is being told something, as it is just telling the thing itself in the article, I'd say eliminate the conversation framework entirely and just flat out state the facts). One-off lines in fights and such can be done away with entirely, or, if important, boiled down to their gist, like "taunted" or somesuch.
    • Other example, later in the article: "Skywalker chimed in, revealing knowledge of Darth Krayt and the One Sith that he had learned during his time as their captive" Something like this, for example, can be done away with, and just focused on the last part of the sentence: he proposed to assassinate Krayt. Or if the knowledge he has is important, something like "Skywalker, who had information on Krayt and the Sith from his time as their captive, proposed assassinating Krayt." Basically, the information is more important than a straight account of the events. This goes generally for the whole article.
    • Participial phrases. There's a lot of them, often in a row, and as a result there's a lack of variety in the sentence structure in many places. (That's sentences like "Drawing his lightsaber, Darth Vader advanced.") I'm not going to make this too formal an objection, because the exact amount there should be is a subjective thing and I don't have any specific areas to point out, but it is something that should be toned down throughout the article.
      • Good catch. I changed a few of them --- eg: "Cloaking their ship, the Imperial Knights followed the Mynock to the Hidden Temple" became "The Imperial Knights cloaked their ship and followed the Mynock to the Hidden Temple." There may still be a few too many, so feel free to change any that you catch. Menkooroo 06:18, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
    • "As he rued having let Skywalker escape at Marasiah's request" - I'm not really sure what this means. Whatever the event is, I'd suggest inserting it as a fact in chronological order, rather than relating it through Fel after the fact.
    • "In a ruse, Draco and Krieg piloted their TIE Predators after Shado Vao's TwinTail Fighter" - not entirely sure what the ruse is here.
    • "Krieg found some quiet time with Rae, where the two discussed the feelings they harbored for one another." - if there's indication that this isn't the first time they've had them (which I recall there being), this should be mentioned earlier, maybe when Rae is first brought up.
    • Play-by-play is pretty common even beyond the dialogue, really. "Extending his hand to her, Krieg informed her that he was taking her home." - this is all really too much detail for the fundamental point that Krieg brings Rae back to Bastion. "a smiling Krieg asked her why she felt that he was doing so" - that sort of thing. (Just FYI, I keep bringing up these specific examples to give an idea of what I'm talking about, not to beat a dead horse.) On the flip side, I'd say the second-to-last paragraph of "Mission to Had Abaddon" is the exact level of detail you should going for; it hits the salient points without just retelling the comic.
    • "several more Imperial Knights joined the fray, having also disguised themselves as farmers while positioning themselves away from the main assemblage" - another of those facts that should be inserted where it first matters chronologically, rather than where it's first revealed to the reader.
    • Suggestion, not objection: merge the Azlyn Rae section into the last paragraph of P&T; they cover the same basic material, and one person he has feelings for doesn't seem to warrant its own special section. Also, even it's a bit play by play; does it tell us more about his relationship with her to repeat him bringing her back from Kiffex? Those things about Krieg's mannerisms with her that I mentioned removing above, those could actually work here, and serve to illustrate the point I think you're getting at, that he behaves tenderly towards her. - Lord Hydronium 02:52, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thank you for the review! I've addressed everything above --- play-by-play in the instances you mentioned (and a few more) have been eroded, the ruse explained, chronology respected, and relationships section jettisoned and merged. Let me know if I missed anything. Menkooroo 06:18, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
        • Looks much better. Well done. Couple more, though. :P - Lord Hydronium 07:12, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Four of the five Sith Lords confronted Morne and Skywalker" - which ones? (I actually looked it up, found it was all but Wyyrlok, but I can't figure out a good way to write that. Maybe you'll have better luck.)
      • Changed to "All of the Sith Lords save Wyyrlok". Menkooroo 07:19, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Disguising themselves as farmers, both parties ignited their lightsabers" - these would seem to run counter to each other. They were already disguised, right? - Lord Hydronium 07:12, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
      • I actually meant the Jedi by the other party, and I've made it clear. Menkooroo 07:19, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
        • Guess I wasn't clear on what I meant. It seems to me that disguising themselves as farmers and igniting lightsabers are opposite to each other. Were they disguised as farmers before, and then undisguised themselves by igniting their sabers? Did they go into disguise when the Sith appeared, then ignite their sabers after that? - Lord Hydronium 10:45, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
          • Ah, gotcha. I cleaned it up; take a look. Menkooroo 12:49, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Grunny:
    • Flying objection before I continue reading it. There's a lot of confusion when you use Imperial to refer to both the Empire-in-exile and Krayt's Galactic Empire, i.e. at times like "While the talks were happening, Imperial spies Morrigan Corde and Jor Torlin, also aboard the station, managed to cause the Imperial shuttle to fire on Stazi's ship using a Command Override Limpet Droid, prompting Stazi to believe that Roan Fel had betrayed him." In this one sentence you've used Imperial to refer to both sides, which is confusing to the reader as it reads as some of Fel's spies made Fel's shuttle fire on Stazi's ship. Can you go through and try to clarify such situations throughout the article? Grunny (talk) 02:59, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
      • Good call. I clarified in the Wheel section and the Had Abbadon section, but let me know if I missed any. Menkooroo 06:18, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 09:06, April 28, 2010 (UTC)