Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Ellberger

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Ellberger

  • Nominated by: Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 18:02, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The heroic Ellberger, who I have finally finished!

(3 Inqs/5 Users/8 Total)

Support

  1. And another former stub I remember destubifying becomes an FA nom. This is also assuming Menkooroo's objections are taken care of. Hanzo Hasashi 05:40, December 24, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Lee's Christmas vote. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:19, December 24, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Now that's a berger! Menkooroo 04:23, December 31, 2011 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 16:45, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
  5. Plagueis327 22:08, January 22, 2012 (UTC)
  6. —Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 21:08, February 10, 2012 (UTC)
  7. El Burger gets my approval. ~SavageBOB sig 04:00, March 10, 2012 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote --Eyrezer 11:31, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Try the Ellburger valu-pack, only five credits
  • This is a really cool idea for an FAnom. I have just a few things:
  • Ref [4] probably isn't necessary --- explanatory references are fine, but when the explanation is already in the article, then they're just redundant. If the infobox says "Naboo Royal Spacefighter Corps," the ref doesn't need to say "The Visual Dictionary says that she was in the Naboo Royal Spacefighter Corps." Simply reffing the Visual Dictionary is fine.
    • The reason I had the explanation was that she wasn't said to be part of the Corps in the book, but it did say that Naboo fighter pilots were part of the Corps. Do you still think I should remove the explanation.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 21:47, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
      • The way that it reads right now seems akin to listing "Corellia" as Han's home planet with a ref saying "The Essential Guide to Characters states that Han is from Corellia." If you think an explanatory note is necessary, definitely word it so that it's not so redundant. Make sense? Menkooroo 03:20, December 23, 2011 (UTC)
        • I decided to just remove the explanation and leave it as simply a reference to the visual dictionary.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 15:19, December 23, 2011 (UTC)
  • "At one point, she had been a troubleshooter of computer systems for years" seems chronologically messy. Can you present it more linearly, akin to what's in the bio?
  • The intro seems almost as long as the bio itself. I recommend going through and seeing what nonessential info can be cut. Details like "Which was also known as Bravo Flight" are a good starting place.
  • Bravo 5 is linked to for both the ship and the callsign. The article seems to be about the ship; it might be worth creating Bravo 5(callsign), as we have other articles on callsigns.
  • The bio's second paragraph is pretty long. Do you think you can break it up?
  • The second paragraph has a number of instances of "Ellberger and the squadron were informed..." "Ellberger and the rest of the squadron attacked..." It's not all that necessary to keep reminding the reader that Ellberger is there; it currently reads a bit repetitively. Just "the squadron" would be OK in some instances.
  • A sentence or two at the end of the bio about the implications of the droid army being deactivated and the end of the invasion wouldn't be remiss.
  • Added.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 23:14, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • In the BTS, "who was later named Ellberger" probably shouldn't be sourced to the film.
  • I think a bit of the end of the BTS could be cut. Rehashing the "Sources" section doesn't really add anything.
    • How is this? Do you think I should cut some more? The article is currently at 1,051 words.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 23:14, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • Good job! There were some missing words and some punctuation errors that I think could be avoided by giving the article a thorough copy-edit befor nomming, but overall good stuff. Menkooroo 18:57, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review, I will try to do a more thorough copy-edit next time.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 23:14, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • One more question: How about another image? Currently, the only image is at the beginning of the bio, and then there's a lot of imageless text below it. There's definitely room for one more --- if you need any suggestions, there are some good images of Celia Imrie at her website, including one here of her as Ellberger. If you do put an image in "Behind the scenes," just make sure the caption has OOU wording. Menkooroo 06:18, December 28, 2011 (UTC)
Lee's Christmas charge
  • Intro: Ellberger was a female Human whose homeworld was the planet Naboo during the waning years of the Galactic Republic. This makes it sound like Naboo was her homeworld only for the waning years of the GR. Please reword.
  • Bio: In the second paragraph, could you make it any clearer that they were in space. If you know if she was part of the pilots who started from the hangar please say so.
    • I added a mention about the control ship being in space, as for whether she launched from the hangar or not, I could never find out one way of the other. She probably launched from the hangar but I don't know for sure.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 14:09, December 24, 2011 (UTC)
  • Otherwise very good work. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:53, December 24, 2011 (UTC)
Miscellaneous stuff
  • The BTS should make it clearer that she received her name in the CCG set. And this second part is not an objection, but you may want to mention that the CCG card reversed her image. This may not be notable enough to mention, so I'm just throwing it out there. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 01:57, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
    • Is it clearer now? I mentioned the reversed image as well.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 16:26, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
Saveged…
  • I feel like the first sentence of the intro is trying to cram in too much information. It's too many clauses and gerunds for one sentence. Can you maybe move one of the things, like homeworld, to a different sentence? Or maybe "a female human from the planet Naboo who lived..."?
  • A few words of context on the Trade Federation are in order in the bio. Maybe just to give some indication that they're galaxy-wide and not something local to Naboo.
  • Probably also worthwhile to give a few words on the motive to the Trade Federation invasion.
  • "she was able to stay a threat to a ship she was targeting for as long as she possibly could." Is there a way to reword this? As it stands, it doesn't really mean anything, since everyone can stay a threat for as long as they possibly can. Maybe rephrase to say something about tenacity? Ditto for "helped Ellberger oppose her targets for as long as possible." 'Tis all! ~SavageBOB sig 17:29, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 11:31, March 20, 2012 (UTC)