Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Eelysa

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Eelysa

  • Nominated by: Cull Tremayne 03:51, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: She's a scarecrow!

(3 Inqs/4 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote --Eyrezer 12:59, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
  2. StarNeptuneTalk to me! 22:26, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Thefourdotelipsis 01:37, June 7, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Nothing objectionable found. --Imperialles 09:42, June 7, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 23:03, June 20, 2010 (UTC)
  6. NJO FTW! Menkooroo 13:46, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 14:57, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Ah-ha!
  • "Skywalker temporarily lost control of the boulders, the trees and R2-D2 that he was levitating and crashed to the ground." - The phrasing here is a little odd... namely the "and R2-D2 that" part. Could it be tweaked just a little?
    • Fixed.
  • "Eventually, Eelysa noticed a mysterious task force sniffing around the system," - Sniffing is just a touch too colloquial, I think.
    • It is. Fixed.
  • Otherwise excellent. Thefourdotelipsis 07:39, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review, Four Dot! I'll tell Cull! :D Thefourdotelipsis 01:37, June 7, 2010 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • "Skywalker temporarily lost control of the boulders, the trees, and the droid that he was levitating and crashed to the ground." To clarify, does this mean that he "crashed to the ground," or the objects he was levitating "crashed to the ground"? The wording implies the former, but "crashed" seems like an odd word choice; please reword if possible.
    • Everything crashed to the ground, including Skywalker. Any suggestions to make this sound better?
      • I modified the last bit to read "causing the objects to crash to the ground;" let me know if there's a problem with it. CC7567 (talk) 23:03, June 20, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Eventually, Eelysa noticed a mysterious task force investigating the system": has it ever been specified what system this was? I've linked to the generic system article in my copy-edit because of my unfamiliarity with the source material, but it would be ideal for the specific system to be linked instead.
    • Linked to "Craeen system", since that's where the base is.
  • "While the Wild Knights prepared to change bases, Eelysa prepared to return to Corellia. Although her allies were worried that she was returning to the field too soon": can the excessive "return"s be varied somehow?
    • Reworded.
  • Please check the P&T overall for relevant information; I'm noticing facts like "Even at an early age, she was noted for her strong Force-sensitivity, enough so that she was admitted into the Jedi Praxeum while still a young girl." that should be primarily outlined in the P&A section, not the P&T. Please clarify.
    • Removed the Force-sensitivity comment, as it's already mentioned in the P&A, but I think the bond with her apprentices relates primarily to her personality, so I kept it in there.
  • Is the proper capitalization "Yuuzhan Vong Warriors" or "Yuuzhan Vong warriors"? Please decide on one and stick with it. CC7567 (talk) 19:55, June 12, 2010 (UTC)
    • Sticking with capitalization. Thanks for the review. Cull Tremayne 22:59, June 20, 2010 (UTC)
Xicer
  • Shouldn't "Escape" and "Death" be sub-sectioned under "Yuuzhan Vong War"? They both take place during that war. Either that, or the "Yuuzhan Vong War" sub-section should be retitled.
    • Sub-sectioned.
  • Yuuzhan Vong War: "While there, she was in danger of being discovered by the Peace Brigade, which had formed as a response to Warmaster Tsavong Lah's decree that the Yuuzhan Vong would stop their invasion if the galaxy would surrender all Jedi." But didn't the Peace Brigade exist before Lah made that decree in BP?
    • Good point, reworded.
  • P&A: "Eelysa was strong in the Force and, according to her Master, was untainted by the poisons around her." I don't quite understand this statement. Could you clarify what you mean by "poisons"?
    • NR says something similar to Eelysa being untainted by the evils in the galaxy, so I'll just reword it to that.
  • Could you briefly mention her Galaxy Series 5 sketch card in the Bts and its illustrator?
    • Done and done.
  • Cool read, we could use more NJO Jedi articles. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 01:37, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review, Xicer. Cull Tremayne 09:50, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
Jah.
  • Could you give some context on the Yuuzhan Vong? You mention the war, that CorDuro is collaborating with them, and then you mention some invaders --- but who are the invaders? The article doesn't make it clear. Throwing in a line mentioning that they're a species of extra-galactic religious zealots who are invading the galaxy would do it.
    • I'm stealing that line.
  • The article alternates between "Sebatyne" and "Saba".
    • Tried to fix this by using the full name to keep from confusing her with her offspring. Hopefully that works.
  • "Eelysa's close bond with her apprentice gave them a close connection". Can you use a synonym? 'Specially since "closer" is used in the next sentence. Menkooroo 03:54, June 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • Reworded. Thanks for the review. Cull Tremayne 09:50, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 14:57, June 21, 2010 (UTC)