- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
EV-A4-D
- Nominated by: Darth Trayus
(Trayus Academy) 10:49, 29 July 2009 (UTC) - Nomination comments: I give you Paul Lynde. I'll get to Truman Capote sooner or later.
(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total/INQCON 5)
Support
IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 02:19, 3 August 2009 (UTC)- Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:11, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
CC7567 (talk) 01:36, 9 August 2009 (UTC)- Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:56, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
- --Kreivi Wolter 23:18, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
- Guh. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 03:08, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
Object
- IFYLOFD:
In the intro, give more info on how Gunray wasn't actually at the castle, and the trap.- Done, I believe.
"During the infiltration, EV-A4-D attempted to aid Grievous in killing the intruders, first by repairing his mechanical body" Who's mechanical body? EV or Grievous? Clarify.- I rewrote most of that paragraph, so you may want to look over it again.
Give more context on the Clone Wars. You say that the Confederacy is trying to break from the Republic but you don't explicitly mention that the two sides are fighting.- Does that work?
Tell how the Republic force found out that Gunray wasn't there. Did they find the beacon somewhere?- Addressed, I believe.
Give the outcome of the Republic attack on Grievous.- Done.
If you're going to talk about Grievous' transformation from organic to cyborg, give context on it.- Done.
- Nice work. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 02:22, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
- Thank you. Darth Trayus (Trayus Academy) 07:52, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
- Thank you. Darth Trayus
- Attack of the Clone
Can you explain to me how you're varying EV-A4-D and A4-D, or at least try to even it out more? If anything, I'd prefer that you make it more consistent than it is now.CC7567 (talk) 00:10, 5 August 2009 (UTC)- I only used A4-D twice, the second time being a mistake. The first - and now only - instance of it was because the text reads "EV-series, A4-D" and I was attempting to avoid over-repitition of "EV", which was alrady occuring as a result of the character's odd and (when read) lengthy name. Darth Trayus (Trayus Academy) 04:39, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
- I only used A4-D twice, the second time being a mistake. The first - and now only - instance of it was because the text reads "EV-series, A4-D" and I was attempting to avoid over-repitition of "EV", which was alrady occuring as a result of the character's odd and (when read) lengthy name. Darth Trayus
Unless I'm missing something, can you try and clarify which source states that EV-A4-D's hospital service took place before the Clone Wars? I don't think the Decoded episode or his Databank entry gave any indication to the specific chronology. The current wording is slightly hinting otherwise.CC7567 (talk) 06:14, 5 August 2009 (UTC)- Fixed in the intro. It's not really an issue with the body, because there's no concrete chronological wording there. I just didn't introduce the Clone Wars until it was relevant. Darth Trayus (Trayus Academy) 19:03, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
- The first sentence of "The general's doctor" is still slightly suggesting otherwise because of the current placement of the IBC's alliance with the Confederacy. It still sounds like EV-A4-D was bought by the Banking Clan prior to the Clone Wars, since this context isn't given until after his hospital service. Unless it's really necessary, an option you might consider is removing this sentence and simply mentioning the Confederacy with Grievous. If you still need help, let me know. CC7567 (talk) 19:19, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
- I changed "With the start of" to "During". It's a little more ambiguous now. I feel that removing that entire sentence would remove context though. Darth Trayus (Trayus Academy) 01:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
- I changed "With the start of" to "During". It's a little more ambiguous now. I feel that removing that entire sentence would remove context though. Darth Trayus
- The first sentence of "The general's doctor" is still slightly suggesting otherwise because of the current placement of the IBC's alliance with the Confederacy. It still sounds like EV-A4-D was bought by the Banking Clan prior to the Clone Wars, since this context isn't given until after his hospital service. Unless it's really necessary, an option you might consider is removing this sentence and simply mentioning the Confederacy with Grievous. If you still need help, let me know. CC7567 (talk) 19:19, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
- Fixed in the intro. It's not really an issue with the body, because there's no concrete chronological wording there. I just didn't introduce the Clone Wars until it was relevant. Darth Trayus
- Toprawa:
Somewhere between this sentence, "EV-A4-D began removing Grievous's damaged parts," and this one, "After completing Grievous's repairs, EV-A4-D followed the general back to the control room," Grievous and EV leave the control room and return to it, but the article never specifies clearly, which makes that second sentence pretty confusing. Please clarify.- Addressed, I believe. Let me know if it needs more, or if I missed the mark.
- Not an objection, more of a personal note for you, Trayus. You've done a good job overall here. There are parts I really like and are really well-written, particularly the "Characteristics" section, but there are also parts I find to be rather jumbled and disconnected, which I suspect is a casualty of there being so many objections to this article early on. The biography has a very patchwork feel to it as a result, and in some places the prose doesn't flow as smoothly as in others. If you would like to find me in IRC sometime, I would be happy to give you specifics to which I'm referring and some personal pointers I think would really go a long way to helping you. These are things I fully believe you will improve on the more articles you get under your belt. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:17, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- I'll seek you out on the IRC asap. Darth Trayus (Trayus Academy) 05:06, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
- I'll seek you out on the IRC asap. Darth Trayus
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 03:08, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
- I removed some stuff from the Characteristics (namely, the part about his curiosity with Grievous's transformation) because it wasn't really verified; when he inquired about "the changes," the droid could have been either talking about the installing of the general's cybernetics itself or new improvements that were added later, and there wasn't a lot of evidence for either one. CC7567 (talk) 00:12, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
- Didn't Filoni's commentary clear that up pretty well? That the intention of that line was to make the reason behind Grievous's transformation into a cyborg more ambiguous? Darth Trayus (Trayus Academy) 04:43, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
- Didn't Filoni's commentary clear that up pretty well? That the intention of that line was to make the reason behind Grievous's transformation into a cyborg more ambiguous? Darth Trayus
- Updated for Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Visual Guide Ultimate Battles. Many thanks to CC for the info. Darth Trayus (Trayus Academy) 03:56, 25 August 2009 (UTC)