Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Duel on Ambria

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Duel on Ambria

  • Nominated by: Darth Xadún and Tommy9281 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A psychopathic Sith. Decapitation. Force Lightning. Lightsabers. A duel with it all.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:10, 9 October 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:58, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 21:56, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Cull Tremayne 14:38, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 01:30, 17 November 2008 (UTC)

Object

  1. I think the intro's a little two long -- three paragraphs seems excessive for a 9 KB article. Also, and I'll get back to you with a proper objection soon, I think parts of this might be Play-by-play. Things like "Cries of mercy faded to silence as Bane retracted his blade, having ended Hetton's life" read like a narrative to me. As I said, I'll get back to you on this when I've more time to make a proper review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:12, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
    • Still several paragraghs in the intro, but it has been shortened. Removed what I believe may be play-by-play, and eliminated the narrative. If not satisfactory, please advise. Thank you.—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 04:54, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
  2. Hey Hey Hey:
    • I don't think you should call Zannah treacherous in the intro. It was a betrayal of Hetton, no? Or at least she used that excuse?
      • Addressed.
    • Anyone reason convinced is in italics? I don't think that's needed.
      • Addressed.
    • Minor thing, but holocron is not capitalized.
      • Addressed.
    • I'd suggest mentioning that Hetton was an aristocrat when you introduce him in the body.
      • Addressed.
    • Nice work. Chack Jadson (Talk) 01:19, 4 October 2008 (UTC)
      • Thanks for looking, Chack. If anything else is required. For a good time, check out the Senate Hall & Korriban Academy ones too;)—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 15:24, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
  3. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • " Surprised, he instead spared her life, and regarded Zannah with respect, recognizing her potential as the next Dark Lord of the Sith. " A bit confusing at the end. What exactly does that mean?
      • Addressed.
    • Context on Shadow Assassins' ties to the Sith needed.
      • Addressed, I believe.
    • " he completely embraced the dark side and decimated his enemies, killing all the assassins in a final attack." A bit of flowery prose here.
      • Really? That's exactly how it happened in the book. He embraced the dark side, and totally destroyed the remaining Assassins. I left it as simple yet direct as possible without plagiarizing. Please advise how I should go about changing.—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 05:07, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
        • Fair enough. I was hoping Karpyshyn had a more concrete explanation, but that's fine. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:58, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
    • "and the pair departed for Ambria on board Hetton's ship the Loranda, intent on relieving the Dark Lord of his mantle." Are details on how the Umbarans got there available?
      • No, but it can be assumed that they traveled with Zannah and Hetton. Addressed.
    • Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 04:45, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
      • Pleasure doing business with you, Ataru. My colleague and I thank you for the review.—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 05:07, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
  • I realize Ackbar struck, but I just thought I'd echo the sentiment that the introduction is too long. It needs to shed a paragraph, I feel, to remain proportionate. Thefourdotelipsis 11:28, 10 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 06:54, 17 November 2008 (UTC)