Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Devore Korsin

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Devore Korsin

  • Nominated by: IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 04:53, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The beginning of FloydProject: Lost Tribe. Watch out though, this guy's a total asshole.

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 23:13, January 4, 2012 (UTC)
  2. I like the sound of this FloydProject. —NAYAYEN is back! 02:46, January 19, 2012 (UTC)
  3. That's where spice leads.—Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 22:09, January 20, 2012 (UTC)
  4. Plagueis327 01:15, February 14, 2012 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Menkooroo 03:18, February 18, 2012 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:20, February 25, 2012 (UTC)
  7. Excellent work. ~SavageBOB sig 04:01, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Cav
  • Intro; a small mention of the fact that the Omen was jumping to hyperspace when it was deflected off-course might be warranted.
  • An ill-fated mission; you mention here that Korsin abandoned his naval career, but in the intro, you say it was derailed. "Derailed" gives the implication that the choice to leave the navy was not Korsin's, but this paragraph implies it was his choice. Some consistency between terms is needed. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 09:10, January 4, 2012 (UTC)
Nayayen
  • "Fortunately for Korsin, he and his family survived[...]" —I could be wrong, but this isn't NPOV.
    • I actually added "for Korsin" specifically to make it NPOV.
  • Could you add the little more detail to Boyle's death that we're given than just "Korsin gutted him".
    • That's all the detail that is given.
      • I'd say otherwise for the actual scene, but on page 25 it also explicitly states that Devore uses his lightsaber to kill Boyle.
        • Bah, I guess I forgot to put that in. Added.
          • No worries, I only managed to notice that bit through Ctrl+F'ing for "Boyle".
  • At the end of the P&T, could one of those "following the crash" be changed to make it less repetitive?
    • Addressed.
  • Eye and skin colour are exclusive the infobox.
    • Addressed.
  • The references in the Bts aren't really needed as they are self-sourcing.
    • I don't really see how they're a problem. I'm just sourcing where the info comes from.
  • —NAYAYEN is back! 13:23, January 18, 2012 (UTC)
Devour!
  • In the intro, can you give just a little bit more on what his appeal to Sadow was about?
    • Done.
  • In the opening of the bio: "...was born into a family allied to the Sith Empire" kind of reads as if Devore was born and raised in the Korsin household --- the later bit about him being born on some other planet and later embraced by his father seems like it could use a bit more clarification in order to explicitly state that [Redacted by administration]. Does that make sense?
    • Yeah, I kinda rearranged that part.
  • To make it clear how he gets buried under rocks, can you give more detail on the use of the Omen as a weapon? ie, torpedo tube door?
    • Done.
  • Is the double ref necessary for most of the second paragraph of Stranded? If it's just his death that also requires Skyborn for confirmation, I think it might be better to limit the double reffing to one sentence; most of the details of the fight can't be sourced to Skyborn.
    • Removed.
  • And one more: Link to whatever form of lightsaber death the navigator receives. :D I assumed "gutted" meant Shiak, but I'll leave it to you in case I'm wrong. Excellent work! Menkooroo 20:06, February 17, 2012 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • I would recommend finding someplace to insert one paragraph break in the intro.
  • In the biography the article does not capitalize this Force power, "and attacked his brother with a Force whirlwind," but the P/A capitalizes it, "techniques such as Force Whirlwind." Please determine the correct version and use throughout. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:03, February 24, 2012 (UTC)
Savaged…
  • Can we get just a few words of context on the Sith mineralogical thingie? Just to say what it does, maybe, in the lead and bio?
    • Done in the bio, not sure how I can fit it in the intro and not mess up the flow.
  • Context on Primus Goluud -- planet, moon, asteroid?
    • Done.
  • Context on Keshiri, too -- they kind of come out of nowhere. That's it. Very clean. ~SavageBOB sig 16:11, March 7, 2012 (UTC)
    • I say "native Keshiri woman" when introducing Adari Vaal. I think that's enough, since it mentions them as the natives of Kesh. Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 02:56, March 8, 2012 (UTC)
      • Yes, but we don't know that Keshiri is a species until the next paragraph. As it stands now, on first mention, "Keshiri" could just be a planetary demonym, an organization like the Sith, or something else entirely. Maybe, "where he was found by Adari Vaal, a member of the native Keshiri species who had by chance witnessed the duel" would work. ~SavageBOB sig 03:44, March 8, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 04:03, March 10, 2012 (UTC)