Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Darth Maladi

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Darth Maladi

  • Nominated by: DC 05:46, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The long awaited Main Focus for WookieeProject Legacy Era. Finally...

(6 Inqs/3 Users/9 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Graestan(Talk) 23:27, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
  2. Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing (Oya Manda!) 23:45, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
  3. How can I not? Nice work. MadclawShyriiwook! 23:43, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote —Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 00:44, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 12:41, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:12, 23 September 2008 (UTC)
  7. SingAurraSing 03:45, 2 October 2008 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote Greyman(Talk) 13:43, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
  9. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:12, 11 October 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. The Anvil:
    • Eliminate the overlinking.
      • Unless there's a problem with appearance linking, this should be fixed.
    • There has to be more quotes. Several I can think of.
    • Are the double & triple-references absolutely necessary in the places where they appear? If it is a matter of simply sourcing specific statements, please do so. If not, choose only one source if all contain the same information.
      • Finally done.
    • You say, "The assault on Ossus was a success, seeing the death of every Jedi present, with the exception of...". Either every Jedi died or they didn't.
      • Fixed.
    • The devestation of Ossus is a specific event that needs to be linked.
      • Fixed.
    • It wasn't a Jedi training center that was destroyed on Ossus, either…
      • Fixed.
    • What kind of Vong seeds did Maladi mutate? Stated in the intro but not the body.
      • Though I'm pretty sure I didn't state that Maladi used Vong seeds in the intro, it's fixed.
    • "Though statistics showed..."Who's statistics?
      • Imperial. Fixed.
    • You say, "Maladi, in order to gain Veed's support for the coup, made him believe that the Sith were going to replace Fel with him, though Calixte, Veed's partner, knew she was going to trick Veed into service with Krayt." Unclear anaphor. I suggest breaking this in two, keeping in mind the reader needs to know who "she" is that was going to trick Veed.
      • Done.
    • Wyyrlok was more than "his trusted servant". A simple word addition will suffice. I removed the latter instance because when you place it at the first mention of said character it will eliminate the nececessity for the redundant description towards the end.
      • Fixed.
    • You say, "Darth Krayt believed that while Roan Fel lived, he would pose a threat to his power." Another unclear anaphor. Was Fel threatening his own power? Reword so that the reader knows who would pose a threat to who's power.
      • Is that better?
    • There is an article that references the Skywalker family.
      • I know, and it's already linked to Skywalker. =P
    • Exactly why were Skywalker's healing abilities "precious to the Dark Lord"?
      • Explained.
    • Did Maladi really step on Hosk? A better choice of words please. "Maladi stepped upon a Bothan Jedi Master..."
      • Reworded.
    • This whole run-on is confusing. You say, "Torlin failed in his mission to find Skywalker, when he was killed on Ossus, where he suggested Skywalker may have went, by Calixte, disguised as Corde." Who was killed on Ossus? By who?
    • You say, "She contacted Vikar Dorn...". Who is that? Some context please, in relation to Maladi/the situation.
    • You say,"The plan would turn out to be a disguise to lower Fel's personal defenses as Kruhl was klled by Fel..." Disguise what? The mission? Please clarify.
      • Clarified.
    • Why was Dorn killed by Maladi?
      • Fixed.
    • You say, "The search for Cade Skywalker would prove to be easier than expected, as he decided to rescue Hosk Trey'lis..." Are you so sure? Did he decide to, or was he ordered?
      • Well, it complicated. Cade rescues Hosk partially because Luke tells him to do so, but Cade doesn't want Hosk to die or be tortured for him either. Cade tells Hosk that he doesn't want Hosk dying for him, so I just put both in there.
    • If you are going to say, "...he would not accept someone dying for him...", then explain why, which will require you to go into a relatively unrelated tangent, if only for clarification's sake. IMO, this little bit is unnecessary, & the article would benefit from its removal. IMO.
      • This, I disagree with. This is what drives Cade to do what he does. Yes, Luke tells him to rescue Hosk, but that really is the basis for Cade's rescue mission. I don't think an explanation is necessary, but I gave one anyway.
    • Link all marks of contact.
    • Rewrite the first line of the P&T. It reads like all she knew was how to obey Krayt, literally.
    • You say, "Maladi loved to torture individuals..." Is this explicitly stated? If not, it is POV.
      • The statement is true, but not stated dircetly, so to be safe, I fixed it.
    • Same with, "...liked to be in control of sentients..."
      • Same as above.
    • Maladi loved to scheme people's demises." Same deal.
      • Not the same deal. Krayt stated this in Legacy 13.
    • No mention of Force lightning use in the bio? And as it is, in the BtS it is an unsourced statement.--—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 05:57, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
      • Fixed. And what about the BtS? That section is sourced they way it's supposed to be. If you're talking about the P&A, the Force lightning bit is sourced with the alchemy info.
    • What were Anakin Skywalker's decisions? Please clarify the correlation between his situation & Cade's.
      • Anakin's decisions explained.
    • Appropriately link the type of Star Destroyer that is Dauntless.
      • Done.
    • Please rephrase, "The plan would turn out to be just a disguise." It's not a halloween costume ;P
      • LMFAO. Fixed. DC 22:41, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
    • Was it physically Luke who ordered Cade to rescue Trey'lis?
      • Fixed.
    • You say, "However, what Krayt intended did not happen." What did Krayt intend? It may be touched on at the end of the preceding paragraph, but a smidge of context is needed here.
      • Context given.
    • You say, "Calixte, who was still disguised as Morrigan Corde, rescued Skywalker from the Sith Temple." How was Calixte/Corde able to do this?
      • Explained.
    • How was Rav defeated? The sentence prior merely states that they took his ship. Some context please.
      • Contextified.
    • Same section. Who is the "her" that Rav contacted?—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 23:40, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
      • Fixed. DC 22:41, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
    • "She was responsible for the sabotage of the government-sponsored project to terraform Ossus, and along with High Moff Morlish Veed and his partner, Nyna Calixte, the Director of Imperial Intelligence, started the Sith-Imperial War, which saw the near-destruction of the Galactic Alliance, the leading government at the time, and the New Jedi Order—the major opponents of the Sith." — this seems too long and unwieldy.
      • That better?
        • Yep.
    • From what I recall, one of the reasons for the Sith sabotaging the Ossus Project was to turn the galaxy against the Yuuzhan Vong, and by extension the Jedi for trusting them. This could probably be mentioned in the early bio.
      • Added. Good?
        • Looks good, except that the term "Yuuzhan Vong" is used too frequently. I couldn't think of any way to reword it well, but if you can, it would be great.
          • I've trimmed that down a bit. Graestan(Talk) 16:11, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
    • "While all this was happening, Maladi contacted High Moff Morlish Veed and convinced him and his partner, Moff Nyna Calixte, to ally with the Sith when they decided to reveal themselves." For people not familiar with this, you need to explain the significance of Veed's position; as is, the Empire isn't even mentioned.
      • Added as well.
    • The first five lines of "Capture of Cade Skywalker" seem very extraneous to Maladi, and I feel they ought to be condensed into no more than two sentences, possibly even less.
    • "Krayt" is used five times in the opening two sentences of the P&T; please try to spice things up a little.
    • "This ability arguably started the Sith-Imperial War, making Maladi impeccable to the New Sith order" -- this looks quite ORish, and I'm not sure "impeccable" is the right word. Also, the "order" should be capitalized.
      • Reworded and properly capitalized. Graestan(Talk) 16:11, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
    • The BtS could probably be beefed up a little. There's no mention of Ostrander in there at all, and I feel a mention of how she's become more of a major character since he initial appearance. There might also be more comments by Jan or John on TF.N about her, which could be easily researched using the "site:boards.theforce.net" function on Google search.
      • I'm only up to "Seeking Fel," but this is excellent, really smooth. Good work. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:56, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
        • Thanks for the review. DC 22:57, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
          • No problem. Sorry about the delay in finishing this up, but I'm done now. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:02, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
  3. From Chack:
    • "The Sith's goals were to break the galaxy's trust of the Yuuzhan Vong, who were already distrusted because of the lives that had been lost because of the Yuuzhan Vong War, which the Yuuzhan Vong had started, and to break the galaxy's trust..." I suggest changing wording to avoid using break trust twice.
    • In a quote: "Unlocked for" Are you sure it's not unlooked?
    • You refer to him as Cade and Skywalker. Go with the latter please.
    • Fixed. Graestan(Talk) 15:51, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
    • "had barked commands" I suggest removing this bit. Many people bark commands.
      • I have to question this one. It was a reference to Calixte's account of Maladi's treatment of her. Graestan(Talk) 15:51, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
    • Very good article. Chack Jadson (Talk) 12:45, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
  4. Toprawa:
    • There's no need to use the full reference code every single time you source something from a particular item. Please use the abbreviated reference code after the first sourcing, throughout the article, including the intro.
      • I believe that's completely fixed now, though if I missed something or screwed it up, please tell me. DC 18:22, 4 October 2008 (UTC)
    • Context for who or what the One Sith is, please: "born and raised a part of the One Sith"
      • Contextified.
    • A specific year here for the onset of the SI War would be preferable, if we can add one: "prior to the Sith-Imperial War"
      • Year added.
    • And what is Vongforming? Explanation of this, please: "to Vongform the planet Ossus"
      • Fixed.
    • I don't understand what the opening clause of this sentence has to do with the secondary clause. "Although" implies that "in spite of this, the Empire did this..." when these are seemingly disjointed ideas: "Though the Jedi and Yuuzhan Vong suspected sabotage, the Empire was enraged by the failure of the Ossus Project,"
      • Rewrote the beginning of the paragraph.
        • Your change is way too drawn out. See if you can't cut that whole explanation down to a sentence.
          • Fixed.
    • So Maladi succeeded in sabotaging the Ossus Project? You should say this, rather than loosely alluding to it in the second paragraph
      • Maladi's success added.
        • I'll hold off on striking this one as well until I see the change made for the previous objection, since they are intertwined
          • Fixed.
    • This description of the Sith Order in hiding should accompany the first mention of them coming out of hiding, in the first paragraph: "Krayt's Sith Order, which had been in hiding since its creation around 30 ABY,"
      • Fixed.
    • I can't understand what this is saying at all. Please rewrite and clarify: "and explained to Maladi that she needed her help to find Fel by having Veed unite the Moffs, which only Calixte could do."
      • Rewritten.
    • What truth? Does Maladi suspect something about Calixte? Greater explanation here: "Maladi pondered whether she should learn the truth about Calixte"
      • Fixed.
    • I'm assuming we can link something to Krayt's Empire here. Please do so: "lead guerrilla attacks on Krayt's Empire"
      • Linked.
    • I seem to remember linking something to these implants in another article at one time. Please link something if we can: "his body was failing due to Yuuzhan Vong implants"
      • The Yorik-kul was already linked.
    • Can we specify at all what this information is? "With the information she gleaned from the captured Jedi,"
      • Info given.
    • You just said that he was on The Wheel prior to this, and suddenly they think he's on Ossus. So what happened? "Torlin suggested to Calixte, now disguised as Corde, that Skywalker may have gone to Ossus"
      • Fixed.
    • To do what? "She did not want to capture Skywalker, who was secretly her own son, and betrayed Maladi covertly to do so"
      • Fixed.
    • What does the second paragraph of the "Capture of Cade Skywalker" section have anything directly to do with Maladi? I'd like to see that whole paragraph condensed down into a few brief sentences, if not removed entirely
      • I had a similar discussion with Acky, who also had a problem with the info, but seeing upon the fact that people continue to have problems with that bit of info, I cut it down somewhat. I won't delete any more than that.
    • Similarly, this bit does not read well and it drags on. I'd like to see this condensed into the barest minimum of text: "Maladi, realizing that Nihl had previously accessed holocrons that were forbidden in Krayt's Sith Order, explained to him that what he was doing was dangerous in the Order. Nihl, however, told Maladi that it did not matter, because he believed that Krayt wanted to make Skywalker his heir."
      • Cut down a bit, and rewrote the stuff that I didn't delete.
    • Can we not link something to his father? "Skywalker had a vision of his father"
      • I already linked Cade's father earlier in the article, in the Sith-Imperial War section.
    • Same deal. The last paragraph of that section only once mentions Maladi's name fleetingly in passing at the very end. There's no need for that kind of peripheral play-by-play detail of information that doesn't directly involve Maladi. That paragraph should be cut by almost 90%. Just state the bare minimums, that Skywalker resisted, escaped, and Maladi learned the truth, etc.
      • Cut down, and factual correction here: Maladi never found out Calixte's involvement.
    • Context for the Grinning Liar, please: " Skywalker, Syn, and Blue took the Grinning Liar"
      • Contextified.
    • Who is his former apprentice? Skywalker? If so, just use his name: "regarding his former apprentice"
      • Done.
    • After reading the P/T section, I am reminded of this bit concerning her plans to execute Roan Fel. You make allusions to other plans she made, but you never again discuss them. So what happened with that? "hat plan would turn out to be just one of Maladi's ploys to lower Fel's personal defenses for a future assassination attempt on him."
      • Well, she hasn't made another assassination attempt on him yet. I'm sure they will cover that in future comics, but there's aboslutely no info regarded a future attempt on Fel's life.
        • I wasn't making reference to a future attempt, but other attempts you claim that Maladi made at Fel, as I point out in the quote above. You should explain what these other ploys are.
          • Oh, okay, I misunderstood you there. It's fixed now. DC 19:44, 11 October 2008 (UTC)
    • You alternate between using periods in your picture captions and not doing so. I don't care what you do, but pick one for consistency
      • Periods chosen.
        • This has not been resolved, but I've fixed it for you. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:12, 11 October 2008 (UTC)
    • Nothing in the P/T dealing with her Darth Maul-like physical features? I'm sure most female Devaronians don't look like that. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:56, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
      • This is irrelevant, since nothing confirms her as a Devaronian.
        • Scratch that, I added it. DC 16:40, 11 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 21:49, 11 October 2008 (UTC)