Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Darth Caedus

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Darth Caedus

  • Nominated by: Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Over a year later, it's finally done. It'll probably take that long to pass, too. Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/5 Users/8 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote On the proviso the FF get added --Eyrezer 06:44, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'll note here that they have indeed been added. Havac 06:03, May 24, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Seems fine to me Lele Mj New Jedi Order (Holoprojetor) 23:38, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Thefourdotelipsis 23:16, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote I've been through this twice now doing my usual linking and spelling and formatting checks, and it reads about as cleanly as any other FREAKING HUGE ARTICLE. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 00:37, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:25, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  6. This one really should be FA. And looks good enough for me. --DARTH SIDIOUS 2 (Contact) 21:00, May 29, 2010 (UTC)
  7. NAYAYEN:TALK 09:40, June 2, 2010 (UTC)
  8. Nice work. And now, I must return to my standard residence over at the GAN page. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 13:13, June 10, 2010 (UTC)
  9. Inqvote Aaaand we're done! Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 06:00, June 13, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Timeline
  • The section "still the student" reads: "He did not leave immediately, however. He spent some time instructing other Jedi, among them Nelani Dinn, whom he trained in lightsaber combat." This seems to suggest that he instructed Nelani before he set out on his journey, although Betrayal claims that this occurred in 33 ABY. It's a bit confusing as it currently reads.
    • Betrayal's statement that it was "seven years ago" that he trained her is an artifact of Betrayal's original setting in 37 ABY; after it was removed, some time references had to be rewritten and this one wasn't caught. The same rewrite was responsible for the mixup saying Zekk was younger than Jaina; one of their ages got corrected but not the other. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • I know that, but the sentence, as it currently reads, still seems to imply that he instructed Nelani before he left, which hasn't been established in canon, and is thus conjecture. The "seven years ago" statement is really a currently unresolved continuity issue, and I think it warrants a note in "Behind the scenes", just as in Nelani Dinn's article. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
        • Well, it implies that because that's obviously the situation. We know there's a timing error; we know that if we read it as a leftover mistake, it makes sense; we know if we read it as correct it makes no sense (Jacen is randomly heading back to train random Jedi in lightsaber technique, but refuses to see his parents even though he misses them?). It's a mistake, pure and simple. Just like all the stuff that's supposedly twenty years ago in Patterns of Force; we know it's not because it doesn't make sense and the book is riddled with timeline errors. It's a good idea to note it in the BTS, though, and I've done that.
          • Awesome. Really well-done paragraph in BTS. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
  • Also, what's the basis for claiming that Jacen didn't set out on his journey until 30 ABY? Is it the consistent use of "five-year journey" in post-NJO novels? Even with that in mind, it still seems like conjecture on your part, unless it's been explicitly stated that he waited a year to leave.
    • It's the five-year journey bit, yes. It would be conjecture for me to say he left right away and all the other sources calling it five years were wrong on the assumption or inference that he had to have left in a matter of days right after TUF. Though that seems to be the vague assumption that the material kind of forwarded by not explicitly saying he hung around a while before leaving, other than the thing with Nelani, it's only a vague inference whereas the more specific references tell explicitly against it. I'm just working with what canon established. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • Maybe source the "30 ABY" in that sentence, and make a note of it in the reference? A note establishing that the novel(s) sourced indicate it was a five-year journey. That would clear up confusion, and make it clear to everyone that it's bsaed on in-novel statements and is not conjecture. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)#****It's already sourced to The Joiner King, which establishes that it was a five-year journey that ended in 35 ABY. There's not really any more sourcing needed -- if anything that might be questioned as "is that an inference or a guess or right in the text?" had to get sourced and noted, there would be twenty refs saying "No, that's in there," in each paragraph. I get what you're saying, but I don't think it's really necessary or practical. Havac 20:18, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
          • Yeah, you're right. For completeness's sake, I'd suggest adding in a couple more sources immediately after "Jacen set out in 35 ABY" (other novels which call it a five-year journey), but that's just a preference of mine, not a requirement. Cheers. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
  • Ditto claiming that he visited the Baran Do Sages in 34 ABY --- Outcast states that he visited them near the end of his journey, but does it actually explicitly state that it was in 34 ABY? If not, then 34 ABY seems like conjecture based on the idea of The Joiner King taking place at the very beginning of 35 ABY.
    • The Baran Do, in 43 ABY, say he visited them nine years ago. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • My mistake! Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
  • Some image captions end in punctuation while others don't.
    • Those which are complete sentences end in punctuation; those that aren't don't. Image caption policy. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
  • I'm pretty nitpicky about timeline things, but a very well-done and extensively researched article with a fantastic use of images. Excellent job, Havac. Menkooroo 03:09, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Thank you. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
  • The fourth paragraph of "Deep doubts" reads: "When five beetles menaced a pair of vulnerable Vors, however, he was forced to kill. More beetles were drawn to his lightsaber, forcing him to throw it away and run." I think it's worth mentioning that it was Droma who convinced him to throw the lightsaber. Droma was part of the expedition, and was the one who realized that they were attracted to light sources. Menkooroo 20:56, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • You just love Droma, don't you Jeff? I've added in a mention. Havac 01:44, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
      • Damn right I do. But I also did legitimately feel like the paragraph was incomplete. Feel the Ryn love! Menkooroo 03:46, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
Why do I sometimes drop into the FAN page for some ultimately minor and random objection?
  • Maybe mention somewhere his preference of darker coloured clothing/furnishings during his time as Sith Lord? I believe his GA office was almost completely black, as were his robes and weird armor-ish stuff he wore underneath. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 08:35, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
    • I've added a notation on the clothes, which is a good catch. I can't find anything about the office. If you come up with a quote, let me know. Havac 23:21, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
      • I'm pretty sure it was somewhere, possibly in early FOTJ or LOTF, but I can't be sure. Never mind then, and apologies for not attending to this objection earlier. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 04:22, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
Me again.
  • Hey Hav, could you add something to Bts about Premium-Era-real his action figure on www.rebelscum.com (backup link not verified!)? Miniatures too if you want to, links Premium-Era-real here on www.miniaturetrading.com (backup link not verified!) and Premium-Era-real here on www.miniaturetrading.com (backup link not verified!).
    • I actually took care of this under the Sofixit clause. I'm leaving my below question, though, as I think it might actually be a policy that individual issues need to be referenced, and not story arcs. Although I could be confusing it with a similar but different policy. I'd take care of it myself, but I'm trade-waiting for Invasion. Menkooroo 12:06, January 11, 2010 (UTC)
      • It was a good writeup, but I've moved the paragraph for minor layout purposes, and I've cut out the Miniatures information, as it's not particularly notable for a major EU character to have minis and so doesn't really merit a writeup. The action figure stuff is noteworthy, though. Havac 05:38, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
  • You've cited a few story arcs in Legacy and Invasion --- can you source the individual issues? For example, what's currently reference #104 is a link to Star Wars: Legacy: Vector --- how do you feel about changing it to Legacy 31? Menkooroo 14:07, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
    • I don't source to issues, for a couple reasons. One is that it's too small a thing to cite to -- it creates a clutter of citations for small increments of a story, like citing chapters in a book. The other is that the story isn't presented for posterity in issue form -- it's collected in story form in trades. So there's no way for most people to even know what issue anything is from. And there's no rule requiring citation by issue, because of those limitations. Havac 05:38, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
      • Ah, cool. I must have been mixing it up with a different policy. Also, I'd give the article a full review, but I'll be reading YJK relatively soon (I swear!) and naturally want to be unspoiled. Menkooroo 07:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
Eyrezer:
  • "Left once more in torture which ceased only when the Embrace of Pain had pushed him to his absolute limits and had to allow him to recover." This sentence seems incomplete. Is it meant to lead in to the following sentence? --Eyrezer 02:55, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Reworded. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Solo was deeply worried about his vision, and used a Fallanassi memory rub to suppress Skywalker's memories that he had been on Hapes, traveling to Endor and spending time camping in order to lead his apprentice to believe that they had gone on the Endor trip exactly as planned." What do you mean by the bit after "on Hapes"? Is it replacing them with memories of going to Endor, or did they actually go? --Eyrezer 12:57, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Clarified. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • "a man held several individuals hostage at gunpoint, and had another man and high explosives strapped to his back." Should this be "with high explosives strapped to his back"? --Eyrezer 23:43, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • No, he had both high explosives and a man strapped to his back. I've clarified it. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • You also seem to be missing some links/sources from WotC, such as this one. Some of the Jedi Counseling too. --Eyrezer 01:14, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • I've added that one and a few more. But I can't see the point of adding a dozen Q&As about a Jacen mini's vitality points or whether he can be used in a squad with Jaina -- it's purely gameplay mechanics. They're not talking about the character; they're talking about a minifigure. It's like including every Hasbro shipping manifest with Luke's name on it in his article. I don't believe we include Jedi Counseling. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • You also have no Fact Files listed as sources,ie 118. I also suspect there must be more Insider articles that mention Jacen, such as 20 Most Memorable Moments of the Expanded Universe, The 100 Greatest Things About Star Wars... Ever!, and The New Jedi Order in 100 Easy Lessons. He also has entries in the second and third editions of A Guide to the Star Wars Universe. --Eyrezer 01:34, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'll ask Jaymach about Fact Files, but I can't possibly know every single Insider article that mentions him. Unless someone brings me something with him in it, I can't prove the negative that no article has something about him, and it's not like we include every single namecheck of a character in a wholly OOU article anyway. If someone can point out something specific that includes Jacen and either includes actual information or is about IU reality, I'll add it. GTTSWU is added, too. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
      • The idea of those Insider articles is that they point to his OOU notability. Can you add something to the Bts based on 20 Most Memorable Moments of the Expanded Universe and The 100 Greatest Things About Star Wars... Ever!? It could fit nicely near the part where you say he is among relatively few from the Expanded Universe to receive his own action figure. Galaxy of Intrigue has a whole section on him re the GAG too, although nothing particularly notable. --Eyrezer 23:31, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
        • I've gone through GOI, and yeah, nothing to add. I've also added 20 Most Memorable Moments in, and am still looking for a copy of 100 Greatest Things. Havac 04:00, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • There is also some info from The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett you should add. --Eyrezer 02:00, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • Added. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
Nayayen
  • Target from birth: "they were nearly captured before Mara Jade intervened" Context on Mara Jade?
    • Added. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • It isn't obvious what the Galaxy gun is capable of (and, hence, why they needed to escape).
    • Well, it's got "gun" in the name and the station was targeted with it. What more do you need to know? Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • (just after the image of Kun) "Organa Solo succeeded in rescuing Anakin" I had to read back up the article to see why/where she was rescuing him. "from the Imperial Remnants" and/or "from Anoth" would probably do.
    • It's in the last paragraph, but fine. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • "creation of the Imperial Remnant again sent the adult Solos and Chewbacca scrambling" Again should be moved here because I suspect it is the Solos scrambling that has happened again, rather than the Remnant being created again, although I don't know to be sure.
    • This "again sent them scrambling". The adverb again is modifying the verb it's next to, sent, and not the subject, creation, well up the sentence. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • The Empire Reborn: What's a hold-father? I (despite being reasonably knowledgeable as a Wookieepedian) had to click the link to find out what a few words could have said.
    • But that's why there's a link. The article can't be a dictionary entry on every word Jacen comes in contact with. You don't see an encyclopedia going out of its way to define "godfather" every time it comes up in another article. And what can I really say? "Hethrir claimed to be Jacen's hold-father, the Star Wars universe equivalent of a godfather"? There's no real way to concisely define it; the term relies entirely on the intuitive link to the fact that it's a stand-in for a godfather. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • You use "spirited away" near the end of each of the first two paragraphs which seems a bit repetitive (or maybe that's because I'm thinking of the film every time I read it =D).
    • Good catch. Changed up. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • "she had Winter take them to Anoth for the duration of the crisis" Did they actually do anything while they were there? I don't know most of the source material so I'm not actually sure, I assume not though.
    • No, that's the extent of it. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • "and once more sneaked onto the landing above the living room" When did they sneak up there before?
    • When they noticed Mara Jade. I added that. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • "announced its control of the mysterious "starbuster" superweapon" I can only guess from reading Betrayal that this is Centerpoint Station but it is not at all obvious here.
    • Well, they didn't know that it was Centerpoint either. They learn that later. At the moment, it's just a mysterious superweapon. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
      • Just because they don't know that it is Centerpoint doesn't mean the reader shouldn't. It isn't obvious that the "mysterious "starbuster" weapon" is Centerpoint. I think a link to Centerpoint here would be beneficial (keeping the second link). NAYAYEN:TALK 07:46, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
        • Linked. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • I'll continue with "Jedi Training" later. Only 7 more of the 8 massive sections to go... Nayayen—TALK 13:55, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • Student of the force: "Outside, they found that a massive beast had emerged from the jungle" Link for the "massive beast"?
    • To what? There's no article, and the book doesn't say what it is. It's just some beast. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
      • Sorry, I didn't know that it wasn't identified in the book. NAYAYEN:TALK 10:36, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • Temptation at the shadow academy: "Solo hit upon the idea of using his Corusca gem, still secreted in his boot" When did he hide it in his boot. This is the only time boot appears in the whole article.
    • That's the idea. He gets his gem, he's captured, and his gem is in his boot. That way we don't break up his capture with play-by-play about him fiddling with his shoes when you can just as easily introduce the fact when it becomes relevant. I took out "still" so it's clearer. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • The search for Bornan Thul: "They were saved by the intervention of Raabakyysh" And he was there why?
    • Clarified, though Kevin J. Anderson does not deign to make his books make much sense. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • Making peace: "the ship narrowly avoided several mines." Can you clarify at this point that the mines weren't some part of the race to make it more interesting?
    • Clarified. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • "The woman introduced herself as Anja Gallandro . . . systems in the area had killed Gallandro." Who is the second Gallandro? Her father? Also, it isn't clear which one gets killed and is then being referred to later. You can probably do this with the "daughter of an accomplished gunfighter" sentence.
    • The second Gallandro is her father, the gunfighter Han Solo killed. Thus the male pronoun, the link, the fact that this Gallandro ends up dead, which is the complaint of the person of the opposite sex who's still there, etc, etc. This is the clearest possible way to do it without trying to tack a bunch more clauses into the sentence. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • Battling Black Sun: "and Gallandro's addiction, suggested that her destination was Kessel." Why would her addiction suggest Kessel?
    • Spelled out. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • Not quite so many in this section but don't forget that last objection of mine earlier. NAYAYEN:TALK 13:28, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • Protector or privateer?: "...that Jade Skywalker was pregnant, and Solo had to admit that he had already known." Why did he need to admit this?
    • Because everyone looked at his lack of surprise and said, "You knew, didn't you?" Havac 01:08, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • Everything changes: "...Solo devised a plan to use Bela Hara's body as a lure..." This is the only time that "Bela Hara" is mentioned in the article. Who was she? Why did they have her body at that time? Link?
    • Perils of a huge article. You lose track of what you've introduced already. Fixed. Havac 01:08, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Anakin, near death from his worsening amphistaff wound..." It would be less confusing for this to appear here if you mention that his injuried were caused by an amphistaff to begin with. I don't know if this a different wound to the earlier ones.
    • Fixed. Havac 01:08, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • Loss and rediscovery: "After weeks or months in the Nursery..." Is the capital "N" a typo or for a proper noun? If it is the latter, "Nursery" sounds like it needs an article, unless there is reason not to.
    • It's a proper noun. Made an article. Havac 01:08, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • The Truth: "They entered the Well, where Solo urged Rhysode to flee into a secret tunnel network beneath the building, possibly escaping." Is it that there was the possibility for him to escape? "Possibly" on its own sounds speculative.
    • It's possible that he escapes; it's not guaranteed that the tunnel will get him out. Havac 01:08, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • Return to the Republic: "...established a new High Council to govern the Jedi Order..." High Council links to a disambig. Can you point it to the correct article or, if it does not have one, create it?
    • Linked. Havac 01:08, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • The search for Zonoma Sekot: "the Dreadnaught Braxant Bonecrusher as bait an liberate the prisoners aboard" The "an" is clearly a typo and it looks like it could be "and", but "to" sounds more likely. I'll let you fix it to whatever you intended.
    • Fixed. Havac 01:08, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • The living world: "Widowmaker was left behind or destroyed in the leap." Is this uncertainty held by the characters or do we as the readers not know? In the case of the former, please clarify this. In the case of the latter, find a way to word it so there is no uncertainty (which I think comes under speculation).
    • Both readers and characters are uncertain. It didn't come with them, which meant it was either left behind or destroyed. I've clarified. Havac 01:08, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • I'll continue with "Unorthodox Jedi" later. Just over halfway through! NAYAYEN:TALK 14:05, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
  • Corellian tensions Would it be worth mentioning that, when training with Seyah, one of them would frequently die in the simulations. IIRC, Solo was worried about whether this meant that they'd be able to complete the mission.
    • Mentioned. Havac 04:43, June 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • Uhm, that's it actually, the Legacy-era content was problem free (I had an hour or so this afternoon to read it). I've only come close to writing an article a tenth of this length so, really, great job with it. NAYAYEN:TALK 16:47, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks. Havac 04:43, June 2, 2010 (UTC)
Just a few bits of odd phrasing:
  • “Feeling Rhysode's battle in the Force, Solo rushed from the pool to help him, but was cut off by Vergere. She insisted that if he went to the other Jedi's aid, both would die. He must honor Rhysode's sacrifice by escaping with his life.”
    • Fixed. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • “Kre'fey's forces continued to make experience-building raids on relatively weak Yuuzhan Vong targets, building experience for two months.”
  • Still reading, though... Thefourdotelipsis 01:05, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
A Pound of Flesh:
  • "it became clear that Zekk had been recruited by the Shadow Academy, a Force-sensitive whom the twins had never even suspected." Who was the Force-sensitive you speak of, the Shadow Academy? Please clarify.
    • Awkwardly-placed appositive relocated. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • "A branch had given way and plunged Chewbacca lower, breaking his leg. She had been visited by Zekk, who warned her away from the academy, claiming it would be struck soon, before departing." Not sure who the "she" is of whom you are speaking, since the preceding sentence is about Chewbacca.
    • Clarified. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • "One, piloted by the Lost Ones leader Norys, relentlessly pursued the Lightning Rod back into atmosphere—where Norys was shot down by Qorl, who was leading the TIE assault on the Praxeum, for insubordination and disobedience." For whose insubordination and disobedience? The Praxeum's? Please clarify.
    • Norys was shot down by Qorl (appositive on Qorl) for insubordination and disobedience. What's not clear? Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • More coming, up to "The Diversity Alliance."—Tommy 9281 15:26, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • The use of "Solo" to describe Jaina in the last few portions of the bio is genuinely confusing, given that the vast majority of the article prior to that uses "Jaina," and "Solo" in turn for Jacen. In those few instances, just for the sake of clarity, it would be better to stick with Jaina. Thefourdotelipsis 09:33, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
Soresu, now that his votes mean something
  • Rejecting his self-imposed hermitage, Skywalker was ready to take a larger hand in guiding the children's development. What hermitage? To be continued... SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 12:13, May 25, 2010 (UTC)
    • I have added some context on that. See how you like that. Havac 05:28, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
  • Zekk left them a message pod before the station departed A little unclear here, considering that you haven't explicitly mentioned that Zekk was on board, and who "them" refers to is unclear. Fixing either of these should make it clear enough.
    • Missed this the first time through. Fixed. Havac 01:26, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • Is there an article for the seaweed creature? It's got enough info on it to warrant one.
    • Found it and linked it. Havac 01:08, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • Mention the arrival of NR reinforcements to the Jedi Academy attack, or it's unclear how they win. Up to the Search for Bornan Thul.
    • Mentioned. Havac 01:08, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • The strike team survivors, with the single exception of Jaina Solo, and several other Jedi felt Solo's presence in a blaze of intensity before it was consumed by pain and once more cut off as Solo was left bereft of the Force, convincing most who felt it that Solo was dead. A few things unclear here. Reword a little for clarity please. Also, since Jaina is an exception, does she believe that Jacen died?
    • I think that should clarify it. Havac 04:43, June 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • Onto my favorite novel: As Vergere pushed Solo to decide who he was, he thought, and declared that he was a Jedi. Reword please, I was confused until I read this 2 or 3 times. As should probably be when too.
    • Without being certain about what precisely was confusing, I think this is clarified. Havac 04:43, June 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • The Yuuzhan Vong saw twins, rare in their species, as special, and one was always destined to kill the other before ascending to greatness. Just took a look through Traitor, and I don't believe this is specifically stated anywhere. Could have missed it though.
    • It's specifically stated in Star by Star, and I just dropped the detail in there because I knew it as background for what was going on in Traitor. Sourced to SBS. Havac 04:43, June 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • Solo urged Rhysode to flee into a secret tunnel network beneath the building, possibly escaping. Possibly escaping sounds kind of thrown in. Up to the Living World. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 12:06, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • That should be a clearer wording. Havac 04:43, June 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • I disagree with your usage of "Masters Skywalker" a little. I'm not a professional at English, but I've never seen words used that way before. If it is actually proper English, then just ignore this. I'm at gaining power, it shouldn't be too much longer :D SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 02:23, June 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • It's the same as with "the brothers Grimm" or "The Brothers Karamazov". The last name isn't pluralized. It's a correct construction. If you were to say "The Master Skywalkers" you would be talking about two of a Master Skywalker; that is to say, two Luke Skywalkers. "We could use more Master Skywalkers." "The Masters Skywalker" indicates that you're talking about two Masters who share a last name, Luke and Mara. "The Masters Skywalker both like ice cream." So when you're handling a title/last name combination, that is the correct way of doing it. Havac 06:20, June 8, 2010 (UTC)
  • By searching for the secondary effects emanating around them in the Force, rather than the presences of the individuals themselves, and note the presence of ripples in the Force seemingly without a source. This sentence doesn't seem to make sense.
    • It sure doesn't. But I think it should now. Havac 08:17, June 10, 2010 (UTC)
  • AND THAT'S IT! Great work on such a challenging and huge character, I must say. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 11:06, June 9, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thank you, sir. Havac 08:17, June 10, 2010 (UTC)
Xicer takes one for the team
  • Target from birth: "Visiting Skywalker's bier, Solo was able to see and hear his uncle's spirit, standing in the room, as was his sister. They said so, but their caretaker Cilghal did not believe them." I feel like the "they said so" part could be worded better. Said to who, for example? It took me a little while to understand what you were saying.
    • Clarified. Havac 00:52, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
  • The Empire Reborn: Context needed on Empire Reborn.
    • Contextified. Havac 00:52, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
  • The Empire Reborn: "A pressure bomb knocked out Chewbacca while the children, and the ground on which they sat, were spirited away, unconscious." The ground was spirited away, unconscious, too? This sounds needlessly confusing. This sentence would read much better if you removed the "and the ground on which they sat" segment.
    • Removed. Havac 00:52, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
  • The Empire Reborn: "There, they distracted the fearsome-looking but mostly harmless sand dragon that guarded the end of the canyon while he approached her and communicated with her through the Force." Who is "he"? Clarify please.
    • Cleared. Havac 00:52, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
  • Caught up in revolt: Bovo Yagen currently leads to a disambig. Are you referring to the star or the planet?
    • Picked one. Havac 00:52, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
  • This is up through "Caught up in revolt." I'll be starting the next section in a bit. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 21:11, June 10, 2010 (UTC)
Xicer, Part 2: Xicerer
  • Making peace: "She explained the nature of Anobis's civil war between Rebellion-aligned valley farmers and mountain miners dependent on Imperial trade, and Solo found himself sympathizing with her miner background." Rebellion-aligned? In this era? Could this be clarified a bit?
  • Making peace: Context on Lilmit.
  • Thats it through the entire "Jedi training" section. The rest was pretty solid. Now onto "Philosopher at war." Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 01:17, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
Xicer with a Vengeance
  • Protector or privateer?: "With the missiles distracting the interdictor and Solo on a quad laser turret, the Millennium Falcon was able to make good its escape." I feel like there's a word missing here. The last part sounds awkward as is.
  • Protector or privateer?: A slight mention that the Maw was a nearly unnavigable cluster of black holes wouldn't hurt, or at least something that explains why it was an appropriate location for a hidden Jedi base.
  • The Truth: Is the "truth" in this section title meant to be capitalized?
  • The living world: "The Jedi were awakened in the middle of the night when assailants killed their habitation and collapsed it on them." Killed their habitation? Were they sleeping in something living? If so, that should probably be mentioned, otherwise the sentence is rather confusing.
  • The living world: I think the precedent is to call Shimrra by his first name, since I believe he's never actually referred to as simply "Jamaane."
  • Done with the NJO segment. Now onto "Unorthodox Jedi"... Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 05:45, June 12, 2010 (UTC)
Live Free or Xicer
  • Still the student: Context needed on Jorj Car'das.
  • The Swarm War: Is that TUF ref in the seventh paragraph meant to be a TUQ ref?
  • Standing alone: Third-to-last paragraph is unsourced. I'm assuming that's all Fury?
  • That's it for the bio! Almost there... Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 03:21, June 13, 2010 (UTC)
Last minute cleanup...
  • Philosopher: Context needed on Lord Nyax.
  • You should briefly mention his physical features in the P&T (height, hair color, eye color, etc.) since they aren't present anywhere in the article outside of the infobox. As it is, you don't talk about his physical traits at all in this section.
  • On a related note, the P&A gives his Sith eye color as being yellow. Shouldn't this be listed in the infobox as well?
  • I believe that is all. Very, very excellent job with this article. I would say more, but I'm a bit exhausted at the moment. =P Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 04:45, June 13, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 06:00, June 13, 2010 (UTC)