Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Crado

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Crado

(7 Inqs/3 Users/10 Total)

Support

  1. Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 04:10, 5 September 2007 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Greyman(Paratus) 19:18, 5 September 2007 (UTC)
  3. Good work -- AckbarSigdmirableAckbar (It's A Trap!) 22:46, 5 September 2007 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote --Imperialles 23:20, 6 September 2007 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Cull Tremayne 20:58, 7 September 2007 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote StarNeptuneTalk to me! 02:21, 9 September 2007 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 04:15, 9 September 2007 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 17:55, 9 September 2007 (UTC)
  9. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 23:37, 9 September 2007 (UTC)
  10. Not that my vote's really needed... Livingston (The Force will be with you. Always.) 16:06, 11 September 2007 (UTC)

Oppose

    • I'm not so sure that the P&T section is entirely accurate. What source has Crado as a proud Cathar warrior? None of the stories that he's featured in ever show him that way. However, describing Crado as "broken and submissive" is pushing it a bit. Yes, he was eager to please and learn from Kun, but he was never treated with disdain or forced into anything. Additionally, don't you think it's a little inaccurate to say that "His eagerness to please Kun led Crado to assist him in his fight against their teacher"? Doesn't Crado say something along the lines of "prove your arrogance, if you can"? This says to me that Crado wished to see Kun humiliated, not to see him succeed. Additionally, Crado didn't give Kun a second lightsaber, Kun used the Force to grab the second weapon. Crado only threw him the weapon after he had been disarmed by Vodo. It also seems unfair to say that "the Cathar ultimately turned on his own mate in favor of his new master". Was there a part where Crado tried to actively kill Sylvar? I saw general remorse after his failure to kill Thon. I'd like that section to better clarify his personality instead of simplifying it into a "weak-willed follower" mentality. Cull Tremayne 07:24, 5 September 2007 (UTC)
    • Very well, I shall rewrite the section. However, I'd like to point out that Crado did make the decision that Sylvar must die. And his feelings afterwards are left to interpretation; you have your version, I have mine, so I'll just leave that bit out. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 14:29, 5 September 2007 (UTC)
      • I incorporated the things you pointed out into my rewrite of the Personality and Traits section, and corrected my mistake. Hopefully, Crado looks more like a developed character now. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 20:33, 5 September 2007 (UTC)
  2. From the Grey of Man:
    • Provide reference tags for the following information in the infobox: Homeworld, hair color, eye color, known masters. Though this is not part of the objection, I wouldn't be against seeing reference tags for his affiliations either.
    • The article seems pretty crammed with pictures right now; try spacing them out a bit since there is a lot of space near the bottom of the article which could be used.
      • Pictures spaced out; one removed (don't much care for death pictures, anyway). - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 16:06, 5 September 2007 (UTC)
    • The first sentence in the introduction is rather quite long. It has several different points in it which could be broken up into their own sentences.
    • Please reword to get rid of "the human": "After years of rivalry, Crado chose to follow the Human when Kun became".
    • From the second paragraph of the intro: "Conducting a number of missions for Exar Kun, Crado turned on the Jedi—as well as his former lover, Sylvar—in order to serve his fellow student". Although we know who his fellow student it, it needs to made clear for others.
    • It should be noted in the intro that he died at Kemplex IX or the Battle of Kemplex IX.
    • I'm not sure if that last sentence in the introduction belongs there. While I can see why you placed it there, it really belongs in a separate section (see last objection).
    • Is it possible to get a quote for the beginning of the Biography section? I know there a number of relevant quotes from Star Wars: Tales of the Jedi - Dark Lords of the Sith, specifically where Crado is dueling Kun.
      • Quote from next section moved to top of Biography for relevance. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 16:06, 5 September 2007 (UTC)
    • This long sentence needs to be broken up: "After this incident, Vodo-Siosk Baas and his two remaining apprentices received news of a great meeting of the Jedi Order on the planet Deneba, which was being held to discuss the rise of the dark side cult known as the Krath and its repeated attacks against the Republic." Two separate sentences can easily be created out of this.
    • Nothing is mentioned of how Crado tried to persuade Sylvar to marry him so that the two could run away together and become "renowned" among the Cather people. This happened right before the Conclave of Deneba.
    • Please provide a quote at the beginning of "The Great Sith War" section.
    • All of the "-" that are used need to be replaced with the proper dash formatting.
      • Added your favorite thing in the world. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 18:01, 5 September 2007 (UTC)
        • If you're going to use them, you need to use the right formatting :P And, yes, I do enjoy them :) Greyman(Paratus)
    • Sentences should not start with "But", please reword both of these accordingly: "But in order to call even more Jedi to his cause, Exar Kun knew that he must obtain a Sith holocron" and "But Oss Wilum's control of the beasts was no match for Sunrider's skills at battle meditation…".
    • Please provide more a little more detail about Kun's murder of Odan-Urr. Master Urr did fight back, and his resistance is what forced Kun to call upon his dark powers to kill him.
    • This needs to be reworded as Kun did not create these Massassi, but simply altered existing Massassi into being dark side savages: "…but was confronted by the Massassi, whom the long-past Dark Lord Naga Sadow had created…"
    • Hsiss → Hssiss
    • A few instances of present tense need to be cleared up.
    • Very wordy and complicated sentence, please reword: "Years later, Sylvar blamed the surviving—yet fallen and in self-imposed exile—Sith, Ulic Qel-Droma, for Crado's fall to the dark side and demise."
    • The complete lack of a "Legacy" section needs to be rectified. Anything after Crado's death needs to fall under this heading, especially since those events take place a decade after his death.
      • A "proper" Legacy section has been denoted, including a relevant quote. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 16:27, 5 September 2007 (UTC)
    • Greyman(Paratus) 15:04, 5 September 2007 (UTC)
  3. A couple uses of "but" to start a sentence in the P&T. Cull Tremayne 00:51, 6 September 2007 (UTC)
    • But I always start sentences with "but!" Just kidding; removed. Why professional writers never have to follow this rule escapes me. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 04:27, 6 September 2007 (UTC)
      • It's perfectly fine English to start a sentence with "But". - Lord Hydronium 00:05, 7 September 2007 (UTC)
        • In my defense, I was just reiterating Greyman's objection above after that part had been rewritten. :-P Cull Tremayne 00:15, 7 September 2007 (UTC)
          • So, I don't suppose you two gents might want to vote for the article now? ;) - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 00:26, 7 September 2007 (UTC)
  • From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • Tales of Jedi Companion is not listed as source/appearance. I'm not familiar with this medium, so is it a standalone work?
      • He isn't mentioned in it. Crado's not in a lot of the TOTJ comics, and didn't really do too much that was pivotal. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 04:01, 9 September 2007 (UTC)
    • A bit more detail on Crado's role in the attack on Deneba if available.
    • Sylvar's response to his proposal is never given.
    • A good read overall. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:44, 9 September 2007 (UTC)
  1. No Powers and Abilities section. Thefourdotelipsis 06:26, 9 September 2007 (UTC)
    • That is not an official requirement. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 17:55, 9 September 2007 (UTC)
      • Colour me surprised. But I'd still like to see one, if only for consistency. Thefourdotelipsis 23:37, 9 September 2007 (UTC)
  2. One issue- At the end of 1.2, "their master's cruel death" needs to be explained. Who died? Thon? Vodo? If it was Vodo, as I suspect, there has to be a little bit that tells that Kun did, in fact, eliminate him. That's all I've got on this one. Good work. Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 03:53, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
    • Clarified. Though if I may say so, I'd stated more than once already in the article that Vodo is the master of Crado and Sylvar. Nonetheless, sentence amended. - Graestan Jedi Order (This party's over) 06:27, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
      • Thanks. My point was, Vodo's death hadn't been mentioned already. The article says Kun went to Coruscant to deal with him personally, but the outcome is never shown, and it seemed to have been simply thrown in. Anyway, it's fixed. Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 03:34, 11 September 2007 (UTC)

Comments

Approved by Inquisitorius 09:15, 12 September 2007 (UTC)