Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/CC-1993

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

CC-1993

  • Nominated by: Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:41, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: My third FA(nom). Please be gentle.

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Excellent job. Fix Jang's one remaining grammar objection and it's gold, Jerry! Menkooroo 02:54, February 10, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 03:48, February 16, 2012 (UTC)
  3. —Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 02:17, February 18, 2012 (UTC)
  4. JangFett (Talk) 02:26, February 18, 2012 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 10:15, February 23, 2012 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:26, February 26, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Jangston
  • Reload your infobox.
  • "In 21 BBY, Jet and Mundi were part of an armada sent by the Republic to reconquer the Outer Rim planet Geonosis," and "and together with Jedi Generals Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker, Mundi and his troops were tasked with recapturing the planet." are essentially the same, and only repeated information. Unless you can narrow the information and down and explain what they were tasked with on the planet, saying "they were sent to recapture/reconquer" is basically the same thing.
  • "After the crash, Jet briefed Mundi about the situation, and the Jedi decided to try to reach Skywalker's forces and later rendezvous with Kenobi at the Republic landing zone. Jet, Mundi and their troopers took a way through a cave to meet with Skywalker's and Kenobi's forces." Please lessen the detail and condense the information given in these two sentences. Also "took a way" is improper.
    • Reworded and condensed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:49, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
      • "The main aim of Jet and the Republic troops was to destroy the droid factories located on the planet." Who is Poggle? (you never mentioned him before in the intro) I think it would be better to mention about the Republic's objective of taking out Poggle's droid foundry eariler in the intro. The addition you made about Jet and the Republic's goals on Geonosis was a good start. JangFett (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • "Although they encountered fierce resistance by winged Geonosian warriors, they managed to unblock the path to the other side, where they met Skywalker's forces." I don't understand what's going on here. While I know what you're trying to say, per the episode, the information given here doesn't make any sense. What exactly did they unblock? I think you can find a way to just state "After meeting heavy resistance from Geonosisan warriors in the cave,..." or something along those lines to avoid any confusion.
  • I'm not sure who you're referring to in the second paragraph of the intro. Mostly you state "they" quite frequently. Can you try and keep the pov on Jet?
  • "Jet and Mundi, who had been captured during the first battle of Geonosis," What do you mean "captured?" and are you referring to the Battle of Geonosis, not the second? IIRC, Jet wasn't said to be apart of the battle, which you're suggesting here. The TCW character encyclopedia states: "...He's determined that things will go better this time, and has spent hours looking over intelligence reports and discussing strategy with Commander Jet, looking for weaknesses in the defenses rebuilt by the Geonosians." You have the correct information within the article, but please don't imply that Jet was captured, which was false.
  • "and fellow clone commanders CC-7567 and CC-2224" Please take a good look here and see what's incorrect.
  • Originally you said Jet and Mundi and clan were aboard "a Star Destroyer," and later stated they were onboard the Resolute. If the latter is the former, as in being the Star Destroyer, please correct this. IIRC, the latter is correct.
  • "Descending to Geonosis, the Republic capital ships released groups of LAAT/i gunships and LAAT carriers, with Mundi and Jet being the last group to depart." By saying "the last to depart" you're referring to the Star Destroyer, correct? Because you stated "descending to Geonosis" it's implying that that Jet and Mundi were last to depart something on the world, which, I don't think, is what you're trying to say.
  • "Mundi ordered Jet to contact Cody and tell the commander to land his tanks." Land his tanks? Where exactly are these tanks. Basically clarifying this would go a long way.
    • Better?
      • Still remains JangFett (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
        • Ah, no I understand. Added an explanation. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:17, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
          • Okay, but it still isn't clear why you're pipelinking AT-TE to tanks. Also, please reread this sentence, carefully: "Mundi ordered Jet to contact Cody and tell the commander to land his tanks, which were transported down to the planet by some other gunships" JangFett (Talk) 20:49, November 15, 2011 (UTC)
  • What are these "tanks" you're referring to? The AT-TEs? For consistency, those are actually walkers, not "tanks." It's been a while to remember every single detail from the episode, but if they're referring to the AT-TE as tanks in the episode, and you're going back and forth saying tanks and walker in the article, please be consistent. I think the reason why I'm confused is that before you actually mentioned AT-TE in the article, you said "Jet contacted Cody to land his tanks."
    • As TCW has a habit to make things worse or false, I deciced to refer to them as "tanks" per the episode. If you disagree however, I'm fine to change that. Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:03, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
      • That's fine, as long as you keep it consistent. Since you sparely use the word, you don't have to use a synonym for tank or just use the term walker. JangFett (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • "However, Yularen made clear that the only thing he could do was to give them the coordinates of Skywalker's position. After reaching the ridge, Jet left some troops to guard the tanks and accompanied Mundi and the rest of the troops to an entry at the top of the ridge. Shortly after entering the cave," You never mentioned this "cave" in the bio, so at the moment, it's confusing.
  • In both the intro and bio, what are these "bombers"? Can you proper state what were they. I.e, Y-wings.
    • Linked it. Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:08, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
      • While I can see why you pipelinked Y-wing in the intro, I don't see the need to pipelink it in the bio. Please take a look at my change to see if you agree with it. JangFett (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • For clarification, can you briefly explain how Kenobi was wounded?
    • Added, but I fail to see how this is relevant to Jet. Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:08, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
      • Because you never mentioned how he was injured. Briefly adding some context doesn't necessarily hurt the article.
  • How was Jet "polite"? While conversing with his superior officers is seen, I don't know exactly how it was "polite."
  • I think you jumbled up all your information in the P&T. Keep it consistent—mention his personality, then go into what he used in combat/his armor, ect."He obeyed the orders given to him and used a pair of DC-17 blaster pistols in combat on Geonosis." What does one have to do with the other?
    • Done. Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:14, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
      • Still remains. I would mention his height beforehand then go into his character, I.e, what he did on Geonosis, then explain his armor and weaponry. JangFett (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • In the bts, can you make it clear that the information about Jet was called Captain in the episode was an inconsistency?
  • Lee, by now, you should know to keep any letter outside a pipe link within the double bracket. I.e, [[Cloning/Legends|clone]]s should be [[Cloning/Legends|clones]]. I saw the former at times throughout the article.—Unsigned comment by JangFett (talk • contribs)
  • "Mundi ordered Jet to load the wounded clone troopers in the AT-TE tanks and try to reach a ridge to meet with Skywalker and his forces." Try to reach a ridge?
  • "while the commander contacted Admiral Yularen via comlink to ask for air support on the back of a tank." Again with wording issues—he wanted air support on the back of a tank?
  • In the bio, what was the significance of going through the cave? You currently say "which seemed to lead to the other side" but I'm not sure what you mean. Also "seemed?"
    • Please try. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:22, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
      • It's very confusing with what's going on with the ridge and cave. Before you mention the cave, you say "Mundi ordered Jet to load the wounded clone troopers in the AT-TE tanks, while the troops would try to climb a ridge to meet with Skywalker and his forces." It sounds like they were right by the ridge, but then to add to the confusion, you later say: "After reaching the ridge, Jet left some troops to guard the tanks and accompanied Mundi and the rest of the troops to a cave at the top of the ridge, which lead to the other side and therefore to Skywalker's troops." Not only this, in the former sentence, you say once they climb the ridge, they will meet Skywalker's troops, but later say they had to go through a cave. Also with Yularen's dialogue, it sounds like Jet and Mundi didn't know where Skywalker was so how could know where to go if you say they had to climb a ridge? Can you please clarify these issues. JangFett (Talk) 20:49, November 15, 2011 (UTC)
        • Hope it is clearer now. Clone Commander Lee Talk 11:35, November 16, 2011 (UTC)
          • "...try to climb a nearby ridge near to the staging area to meet with Skywalker and his forces." "and the rest of the troops to a cave at the top of the ridge, which lead to the other side and therefore to Skywalker's troops" Still remains JangFett (Talk) 04:11, November 18, 2011 (UTC)
            • Any better? Clone Commander Lee Talk 11:25, November 18, 2011 (UTC)
              • A little better. However, after Yularen said he would give Jet the coordinates to Skywalker, I see no connection or smooth transition from that sentence to this: "After reaching the ridge, Jet left some troops to guard the tanks and accompanied Mundi and the rest of the troops to a cave at the top of the ridge, which was a shortcut to the other side and therefore the landing zone." Please see what you can do to clarify this. Possibly also since you later say "Jet and Mundi discovered Skywalker's forces," it makes it sound confusing. JangFett (Talk) 19:10, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
                • Changed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:01, November 22, 2011 (UTC)
                  • I don't understand, were they trying to find Skywalker or Point Rain? From these sentences "After reaching the ridge, Jet left some troops to guard the tanks and take the longer way to the landing zone, while he accompanied Mundi and the rest of the troops to a cave at the top of the ridge, which was a shortcut to the other side and therefore the landing zone." It sounds like the latter. Also, please check your grammar. Carefully read each one of these sentences. JangFett (Talk) 03:26, November 30, 2011 (UTC)
                    • Please try it now. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:14, November 30, 2011 (UTC)
                      • Again, where they trying to find Skywalker or Point Rain? With what's written, I'm not quite understanding if Jet was given Anakin's coordinates, what where they trying to find or go to. Possibly if you say to meet up with Skywalker at the landing zone, they took a shortcut through, or something like that. JangFett (Talk) 04:44, December 13, 2011 (UTC)
                        • Take 50. :P Have a look. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:02, December 13, 2011 (UTC)
                          • "As the coordinates given by Yularen implied that Skywalker was heading to the landing zone, it was decided to meet up with Skywalker at Point Rain." This makes it no better, but you are getting the general idea. For now, please find a way to incorporate this sentence within a sentence that states that they where heading toward Skywalker's location and the landing zone. JangFett (Talk) 23:16, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
                            • Better? Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:22, December 23, 2011 (UTC)
                              • "As the coordinates given by Yularen implied that Skywalker was heading to the landing zone, it was decided to meet up with Skywalker at Point Rain and Jet, Mundi and their troops began to head for Skywalker's location and the landing zone." Check your grammar. Also, you didn't do anything that differs from the last time I saw this sentence. What you can do is shorten this sentence and merge it with the sentence following it. So, "Before heading toward Skywalker's position at Point Rain..." or something like this so it can be clear. Be to sure check if the sentences flow well too, Lee. JangFett (Talk) 23:18, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
  • Fact tag in the bts. JangFett (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • "Jet and Mundi spent hours on studying intelligence reports about the planet's defenses and discussed strategies to invade the planet, especially because the Cerean had been captured during the opening battle of the war on Geonosis." At the moment, I'm not how these two clauses connect. Why would Mundi's capture reflect on he and Jet wanted to study intelligence reports and the planet's defenses? If you can't find a way to build up Mundi's stress over being captured and wanted to find a way to break Geonosis' defenses, per the TCW CE, I would leave this bit out.
  • Fact tag in the bio; you're going to have to take care of the sourcing yourself, Lee. I cannot continuously source information for you. In the episode, the term "Point Rain" wasn't mentioned at all nor was it said to be the Republic staging area until later. JangFett (Talk) 20:49, November 15, 2011 (UTC)
  • Who is Skywalker and Kenobi in the intro? JangFett (Talk) 03:26, November 30, 2011 (UTC)
    • Adressed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:49, December 10, 2011 (UTC)
      • Could you find anyway to incorporate that sentence with another, possibly when you introduce who went with Jet on Geonosis, so it won't stand out awkwardly? JangFett (Talk) 04:44, December 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • "After reaching the ridge, Jet left some troops to guard the tanks, which should take the longer way to the landing zone." Check you grammar here. By saying "which should take" could pretty much state that you're, the writer, is suggesting that Jet should take the longer way to the landing zone. Possibly also one could be confused by why would they guard the tanks and "should take the longer way." You can tweak this sentence to clarify why they were going to take the "longer way" to the landing site. JangFett (Talk) 04:44, December 13, 2011 (UTC)
    • Please try. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:02, December 13, 2011 (UTC)
      • Better, but the confusion still remains. I'm not sure if "guard" works here, which literally means protect something, not to mobilize. Unless you can say Jet left some troops to guard the tanks as they proceeded... or something. JangFett (Talk) 23:16, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
        • Now? Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:13, December 23, 2011 (UTC)
          • "Jet then left some troops to protect the tanks while the advanced, which took the longer way to the landing zone as they were unable to climb the ridge." Check your grammar here. JangFett (Talk) 23:18, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
            • Check it out, please. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:52, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
              • "Jet left some troops to protect the tanks while they were advancing, which would take the longer way to the landing zone as they were unable to climb the ridge." Check your grammar here. JangFett (Talk) 22:31, December 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • Connecting to the objection above, what was this "longer way to the landing zone"? JangFett (Talk) 01:26, January 26, 2012 (UTC)
  • According to the intro, it was Mundi who decided to meet up with Anakin and later Obi-Wan, but the bio mentions neither. We've gone through the whole Jet meeting with Anakin before in this page, Lee. See what you can do about clarifying these issues. JangFett (Talk) 01:26, January 26, 2012 (UTC)
    • Please try it. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:56, January 28, 2012 (UTC)
      • It's still rather unclear. JangFett (Talk) 17:23, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
        • What? The intro, the body, both ? Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:26, January 30, 2012 (UTC)
          • The change you made in the bio JangFett (Talk) 17:45, January 30, 2012 (UTC)
            • Any better? Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:48, January 31, 2012 (UTC)
              • "After Mundi ordered Jet to load the wounded clone troopers in the AT-TE tanks, and then the Jedi decided that the troops would make their way toward a nearby ridge, which was located by the staging area." Check your grammar JangFett (Talk) 05:26, February 8, 2012 (UTC)
                • Hope it is killed now. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:14, February 10, 2012 (UTC)
                  • Much better. But the issue of the intro saying Mundi wanted to go find Skywalker is missing in the bio. Are you sure it was Mundi or they wanted to head toward Skywalker because Yularen could only give them his coordinates instead of reinforcements? It's still rather confusing. JangFett (Talk) 01:33, February 13, 2012 (UTC)
                    • Next try, I elaborated a little bit about the fact. Clone Commander Lee Talk 11:28, February 13, 2012 (UTC)
                      • That still does not help the fact that the intro states that it was Mundi who wanted to go find Skywalker. Also not only this, you created another issue: "The Commander reported that Kenobi was the only one to reach the staging area. He also told the General that Skywalker had also been shot down and had already engaged Geonosian forces on the ground. Jet also noted that Skywalker's intention was on pressing on to the rendezvous point to help Kenobi." All this dialogue is now very play-by-play and needs to be condensed. JangFett (Talk) 03:40, February 15, 2012 (UTC)
  • One other objection before I depart, have you checked all TCW kid magazines and TCW kid UK magazines? JangFett (Talk) 17:23, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
    • Yup. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:26, January 30, 2012 (UTC)
      • Are you sure? He's indirectly mentioned in UK 6.9 and he's pictured in the fourth TCW magazine. In that magazine, there's an arrow pointing at him and he's called a flame trooper. Their armor is modified to protect them against the heat of their flamethrower weapon. JangFett (Talk) 16:06, January 30, 2012 (UTC)
        • I asked CC and he assured me he is not in there. I added the UK to the sources list. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:48, January 31, 2012 (UTC)
          • Whether it seems silly or not, the TCW kid magazine is actually apart of canon, so you can include that information about the flame trooper armor in the article. JangFett (Talk) 14:18, February 1, 2012 (UTC)
  • Fact tag at the bottom of the bio section. JangFett (Talk) 01:33, February 13, 2012 (UTC)
  • Be careful not to link to disambig pages, Lee. JangFett (Talk) 01:33, February 13, 2012 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Just one. In the last sentence of the BTS, the article reads, "This sets up a continuity error, as the episode's accompanying episode guide on StarWars.com, as well as other sources, identify him as a commander." Making the blanket statement "as well as other sources" is not self-sourcing in itself and needs to be referenced. There are two possible solutions here. This sentence can either make mention of all of these "other sources," which would then become self-sourcing, or the sentence can include reference notes for each one of these "other sources." Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:17, February 25, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 21:26, February 26, 2012 (UTC)

  • My last FA was nommend at 10.10.2010, the third at 11.11.2011. There must be a meaning behind this. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:44, November 11, 2011 (UTC)