Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/CC-01/425

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

CC-01/425

(5 Inqs/4 Users/9 Total)

Support

  1. Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 01:22, August 11, 2011 (UTC)
  2. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 21:28, November 19, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 08:17, December 17, 2011 (UTC)
  4. Late vote. :P JangFett (Talk) 18:45, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Lookin' good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:12, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Cheers to what will no doubt make me eat my words by becoming your first FA! Menkooroo 04:44, January 6, 2012 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote 1358 (Talk) 15:42, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
  8. I wish I had this game. Plagueis327 02:00, January 21, 2012 (UTC)
  9. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 09:27, January 23, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Exiled Jedi
  • You need to have dates for the battles he advised Delta squad in. You should probably have these in the intro, and you should definitely have them in the biography section. Having the number of days after the start of the war is fine and should be included, but you need to have the <insert date here> BBY date as well.
    • Done.
      • Since you do not source the BBY date for Geonosis to the game, you probably need to have references noting the calculations required to get these dates.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 15:22, August 7, 2011 (UTC)
        • Done. Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 02:26, August 9, 2011 (UTC)
          • You still need to provide a reference stating how you got the 21 BBY year date in the second paragraph of the biography. The game doesn't have this date, so you need to show how you determined it.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 20:38, August 10, 2011 (UTC)
  • "He then tasked and directed them through their investigation of a Acclamator-class assault ship in the Chaykin cluster." This makes it sound as if right after the Battle of Geonosis they were send to the assault ship, and I pretty sure there was a fair amount of time in between.
    • Try that.
  • Could you expand the part of his biography about his advising of Delta Squad during the Battle of Geonosis. It seems that there could be a little more here to me.
    • Check that out.
  • Mention what kind of ship the Arrestor was.
  • I don't think that the part about most troopers switching to Phase II armor can be sourced to the game. Please find another source.
    • Got it.
  • After you fix these objections I will look over the article again.
    • Alrighty.
  • Great opening quote by the way, it captures the character perfectly.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 22:19, August 5, 2011 (UTC)
fgdfhdh
  • Since you took care of all my prelims I gave to you on IRC, here are my main objections:
    • Alrighty.
  • In the bio, you said that he served as a clone advisor, though as it lies, you mentioned it prior to the Clone Wars. The intro mentions that during the war he was an advisor. For consistency, could you please take a look at this?
    • Done.
      • Your bio is implying that he oversaw more than one squad, but it's not stated in the intro. In the intro, it sounds as if he only oversaw Delta Squad
        • Fixed.
  • Was he a clone trooper or a clone advisor? I changed "clone" to clone trooper in the intro since you mentioned at one point, I think in the equipment section, that he was wearing clone trooper armor, which made me jump to that conclusion. Saying just "he was a clone in the GAR" could mean a lot of things, such as he was a clone of a Jedi or something, and not a Jango clone trooper.
    • Try that.
  • "he guided Boss to where he met up with the rest of Delta Squad. After getting the squad together," I don't understand what's going on here. This needs supporting detail as it brings up why was he guiding Boss to his squad/how did this occur.
    • Check that out.
  • "After Delta Squad completed this task, CC-01/425 informed the squad of their next part of their mission, which was disabling an underground droid factory. He then oversaw the squad's raid on a Lucrehulk-class Core Ship." Specifically the last sentence is very choppy and could be merged with the previous sentence. You shouldn't have to explain that he tasked the squad in one sentence, and then in the next sentence say he watched them.
    • Done.
  • See what you could do to break up that second huge paragraph to form neat, concise paragraphs. Possibly you have to go around and look at the other paragraphs.
    • Try that.
  • "Grievous was there to take Tarfful into custody, but when Delta Squad struck, he fled the planet in the Soulless One, and left the squad to battle his IG-100 MagnaGuards." This sentence is confusing. You say Grievous left the planet, but then he left the squad to battle his droids? Unless I'm misreading this, I'm assuming that's what you're saying.
    • Try that.
      • Much better
  • "The job of settling the angered and upset Delta Squad fell to CC-01/425." Why was Delta Squad angered and upset?
    • Done.
  • "He insisted that the commandos get a hold on their emotions," This definitely could go into the P&T, and what you could do in the bio, is mention that he tried to help them without going into too much detail. Save any of that for the P&T.
    • Check that out.
  • Again, please specify "clone" in the P&T.
    • Done.
  • "CC-01/435 wore Phase I clone trooper armor rather than Phase II clone trooper armor." This doesn't make much sense, unless you're referring to he kept wearing his Phase I throughout the war. You do briefly explain this in the next sentence, but see what you could do to change this sentence to make it flow better with the next.
    • Try that.
  • I think I might go through the article once more, but good work. Be careful of overlinking, though. You linked planet several times in the last paragraph. JangFett (Talk) 21:45, August 6, 2011 (UTC)
QGJ
Attack of the Clone
  • Was he actually a member of Delta Squad? If he wasn't, I would be hesitant to include said unit as an affiliation in his infobox. Please check the source material or explain any potential reasoning in the matter.
    • Since he was the one who guided them through many of (and all of the in-game) missions, I figured that that would be worth an affiliation.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 15:04, November 3, 2011 (UTC)
      • Still, did he actually lead the squad in any way or did he only issue orders to them? If it's the latter, I would still say that doesn't qualify completely as an affiliation—it just appears to be command structure. CC7567 (talk) 03:16, November 4, 2011 (UTC)
  • Droid factory is a disambig page, which is a big no-no for linking. Please either find the correct article or create one as appropriate.
    • Found it.
  • "He operated as a clone advisor during the Clone Wars and was charged with overseeing Delta Squad—an elite unit of clone commandos—in their operations. When the Clone Wars broke out": the way this context is organized is a little too non-chronological. Unless he was assigned to overseeing Delta Squad prior to Geonosis, I would suggest first detailing his operations with Delta Squad during the Battle of Geonosis, and then say that he continued to oversee Delta Squad throughout the "resultant Clone Wars" or something. Otherwise, it doesn't sound prudent to mention the Clone Wars before it's even started in the chronology of the article, as is currently the case.
    • Check it out now. I decided just to leave that part out, since it's rather redundant.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 15:30, November 3, 2011 (UTC)
  • For reference notes like this: "The New Essential Chronology states that the First Battle of Geonosis occurred in 22 BBY." I would suggest simply listing the text of the ref note as "The New Essential Chronology" because it doesn't seem like there's a good reason to state in the ref note the exact information that you're referencing—if the NEC is cited as a source after the 22 BBY date, which is currently how it's formatted, the reader should be able to deduce that the 22 BBY info is from the NEC.
    • Changed the number 3 ref. I left number 4 ref the same, though, since it describes a bit more reasoning and deduction.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 15:20, November 3, 2011 (UTC)
      • Okay, that's fine. CC7567 (talk) 03:16, November 4, 2011 (UTC)
  • I'll leave you with these preliminary objections, and I'll start a full review once these have been fixed. CC7567 (talk) 05:11, November 1, 2011 (UTC)
  • Please be consistent about referring to the commandos by their designations or nicknames in the quote captions. Two out of the three have nicknames, while the other has designations.
    • Fixed.
  • "After Boss had rendezvoused with his comrades, CC-01/425 tasked Delta with the assassination of Geonosian Archduke Poggle the Lesser's chief lieutenant, Sun Fac. After Delta Squad completed this task, CC-01/425 informed the squad of the next part of their mission, which was disabling an underground droid factory and raiding a Lucrehulk-class Core Ship in orbit of Geonosis.[2]" Overall, this section is rather static, too p-b-p, and not very detailed. Did they actually complete their assignments? Please smooth out the wording here to make it more flowing and interesting.
  • Coming from that last objection, I'd like you to check the rest of the article for similar p-b-p parts before I continue. You're gradually amassing a lot of experience with writing FAs and GAs, Cal, and the more of this you can do on your own automatically without having to be asked to, the smoother reviews generally go. Please see what you can do. CC7567 (talk) 03:23, November 7, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the compliment, and I've tried to go through and fix some of it. To tell you the truth, I often have trouble deciphering when I'm adding too much info and making it p-b-p, and when I'm not adding enough and leaving stuff out. So, see what you think of the changes I've made.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 23:06, November 8, 2011 (UTC)
      • Is there any chance that you can add more details specifically related to CC-01/425? The current parts of the Bio mostly deal with how he was telling Delta Squad to do stuff and that they did each task, but it doesn't get more personal beyond that. I don't mean for you to bring info from the P&T or excessive dialogue comments into the Bio section, but any more info that will potentially provide a better understanding for the reader of what he accomplished as a clone advisor (from a biographical perspective) would be helpful. If there isn't any more info or if I'm being unclear about this, please let me know, but I'm extending this request in case there is more info that can be added. Don't worry about p-b-p for now; we can always go through it together and chop it down later. CC7567 (talk) 05:49, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
        • Okay, thanks. I don't know what more I can add about him. The main thing about him is what he did with Delta Squad. Telling them what their tasks were and them carrying them out is about all there is to him. :P I'll try and take another look through the article again this afternoon and see what I can add about him.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 14:14, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
          • Hmmm. I'm not really sure what I can change. In the game of course, you don't play as him. So the only info we have about him is what he did with Delta Squad. So, I don't really know how I could change it. Any suggestions?--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 20:20, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
            • Is there any more dialogue that isn't mentioned in the article yet? Any actions or nuances that show that he's not just a blank face giving out orders from a distance? Was he pleased that Delta Squad completed the missions? Where was Delta Squad when he gave them their assignments? Building off that last question, adding more detail to the manner in which Delta Squad, I think, is the main lack of info here, because mostly what gets said is that he gave Delta Squad an order and they completed it—that seems to be the case for most of their assignments. How did they complete their missions? Was there anything significant about them? Did CC-01/425's orders help the corresponding greater Republic assignment or operation in any way? Answers to those latter questions will benefit the article because they are definitely relevant to him, since he's the one who told Delta Squad to do them. CC7567 (talk) 03:48, November 10, 2011 (UTC)
              • Well, see what you think of this change. If that's what you were looking for, I'll try and find some more.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 18:21, November 10, 2011 (UTC)
                • Yep. Stuff like that, while it may appear minor, really does help in some cases. CC7567 (talk) 06:11, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
                  • I added more info about him. See what you think about it.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 01:06, November 16, 2011 (UTC)
                    • That's what I'm looking for; just see the objection below. CC7567 (talk) 05:54, November 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • The info you just added works well, but it just lacks context. Why did Boss have to get "accustomed to his equipment and the battlefield around him"? "CC-01/425 sent Delta Squad to raid a Lucrehulk-class Core Ship and gain the launch codes for the entire fleet of core ships": what "fleet" of core ships? (Check capitalization, please.) I'd suggest rewording the latter to "gain the launch codes for an entire fleet of core ships that the Separatists had stationed in orbit of Geonosis" or something, because it's not clear what you're referring to. CC7567 (talk) 05:54, November 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • The "tasked and directed" can be worded better; the "tasked" part doesn't hold idiom-wise, and the "directed" part needs to be further explained, as at first glance it sounds like he was actually leading the squad during the assignment instead of simply giving the assignment to them.
  • "during which they freed the Wookiee Chieftain Tarfful": from whom or what?
  • "CC-01/425 guided Boss to meet up with the rest of the squad at the rendezvous points located at different points across Geonosis": slightly unclear wording here. Why were there multiple rendezvous points? Were the other commandos at each of them? The "rest of the squad" currently implies that the others were together, but you seem to be suggesting that they weren't, so "meet up with the other members of the squad" might fit better here. Please check.
  • "While Delta Squad continued their mission, CC-01/425 kept them up to date on the surrounding environment and any updates in their mission." What were the details about the surrounding environment and the updates to their mission? I think you can add more detail here still without getting into p-b-p wording. Also, where exactly was Sun Fac when Delta Squad confronted him? These are the kind of details that would benefit the article more.
  • "While in the droid factory, CC-01/425 searched the factory for a weak point": the dependent clause that starts the sentence is linked to CC-01/425, which means that you're saying he was in the factory searching for a weak point, yet this claim (if true) isn't specified. I suspect that this is just a grammar error, so please correct this as necessary. I'd also recommend checking the rest of the article for this.
  • Coming from that last part, if CC-01/425 wasn't with them in the droid factory (which it doesn't appear he was), where was he? Is it known? Even if his specific location isn't known, I would suggest saying that he dictated orders to Delta Squad "from a location away from the battlefield" or something to avoid any misinterpretation, as long as that's true.
  • "and kept Delta Squad up to date on how to disable the factory." What did he say? How exactly was Delta Squad supposed to disable the factory?
  • I hate to sound like a broken record, but I want to stop there and give you time to sort through the above objections. Hopefully you now know the level of detail that I'm looking for—when in doubt, it's better to include more details than are perhaps necessary and get others' advice instead of having to add more details later, since for details it's easier to cut back rather than to add. Please go through the rest of the article and see what more specifics you can add to make sure that the reader isn't asking any of the above questions that I just asked about the storyline, e.g. the way to destroy the droid factory, where CC-01/425 was during the battle, where Sun Fac was, etc. I'll continue up again once you feel that the level of detail is at its best. It's okay if it's overdone a little, since we can always cut the details back if necessary. CC7567 (talk) 07:39, November 17, 2011 (UTC)
    • Well, I've gone through again and tried to add more details where I could. I don't know what else I could add, so let me know what you think.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 21:12, November 18, 2011 (UTC)
      • It's looking a lot better now. We can work on sentence flow now, though I'd suggest first splitting up that massive paragraph somewhere. CC7567 (talk) 00:47, November 19, 2011 (UTC)
        • Split. I'll try and look through the article some tomorrow, but is there anything in particular you want me to look for?--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 04:38, November 19, 2011 (UTC)
          • For now, maybe try reading the article out loud to yourself to see how the flow is. If you get stuck in places or if you feel it's choppy, that's an indication that longer phrases and perhaps less divided sentence fragments should be used. CC7567 (talk) 08:34, November 19, 2011 (UTC)
            • Well, I went through it again and cleaned up where I could. Let me know if I missed anything.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 04:02, November 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • It seems like it would be prudent to provide more info about each of the campaigns as a whole. Who won at Geonosis? Was the mission to the Prosecutor a victory? What exactly happened with the Battle of Kashyyyk? You do a good job of focusing on the results of CC-01/425's missions, but I think it would also be helpful to let the reader know in what overall context each mission fell. You don't have to add too much context, but you should be able to keep the article focused on CC-01/425 while still putting these smaller events into greater (galactic?) context. CC7567 (talk) 04:42, November 22, 2011 (UTC)
    • I added a little more galactic-scale detail. See if it looks good, or if I need to add more.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 23:36, November 26, 2011 (UTC)
      • That's good, but what is Order 66? We can't always assume that the reader is familiar with the entirety of the films, so in this case it would be helpful to give a little context on Order 66. CC7567 (talk) 23:37, November 26, 2011 (UTC)
  • The clone advisor stuff should be mentioned as early as possible in the Bio, possibly alongside clone trooper.
    • See if that works.
      • I think it would work better if something like this was added after the first sentence of the Bio: "CC-01/425 was a clone advisor [and then a description of whatever clone advisors do]." It should be clear what a clone advisor is from the very start, seeing as it was his primary role, but it's not mentioned in the article. CC7567 (talk) 06:30, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
        • Check that out.
  • "in the form of traps or enemies in the area": did they encounter any?
    • Added.
      • Such as? Unless there are too many to list, it would be a beneficial detail; otherwise, mentioning that they encountered enemies along the way without identifying them doesn't seem prudent. CC7567 (talk) 06:30, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
        • I added a little detail. Is that what you were looking for?
          • Yeah, that's fine. CC7567 (talk) 08:17, December 17, 2011 (UTC)
  • "Arrestor destroyed the droid control ship": what droid control ship? This is introduced out of nowhere; saying that it was the ship controlling the battle droids (if that's the case) would help with context.
    • Fixed.
  • "a Trandoshan slave camp": article, or at least a link, would be good here.
    • Article added.
  • "CC-01/425 was often able to find efficient, if often improvised, solutions to problems facing Delta Squad in the field": could you provide some examples here?
    • Added.
  • "but at the same time was a very proper soldier": same here; please elaborate.
    • I just removed that part, since it is borderline on the edge of speculation anyway.
  • This isn't intended as an objection, but any chance of getting more relevant images for the article?
    • I don't believe that I would be able to get them personally, but if you think it really needs it, I'll see if someone can get them.
      • I'm not going to make an objection out of this, but I'd like to see if any can be added. CC7567 (talk) 06:30, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • Good work overall. Just some tweaks here and there that are needed, but the article should be ready otherwise. CC7567 (talk) 03:43, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
Jinzler

In the infobox, his height and his homeworld are sourced to the "Clone troopers" databank entry, yet in the main body of the article, this information is sourced to Republic Commando. I was just wondering if you could clarify whether or not this is intentional and whether Republic Commando can be used as a source for this information. --Jinzler 20:53, November 4, 2011 (UTC)

Toprawa
  • One very minor thing. Although this is rather peripheral to the article, I notice that the article Mission to the Chaykin Cluster, which I presume is conjecturally-named, capitalizes "Cluster," while the article Chaykin cluster does not. Presuming that is a conjectural title, I would request that article be moved to a more accurate title for the sake of this article's linking. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:05, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
Cav
  • In the intro, you refer to the commandos of Delat Squad by their names, rather than numbers. For formality, this should be changed to their numbers on first mention.
    • Done.
  • Delta Squad informed him that they had indeed encountered numerous Trandoshan mercenaries already, so CC-01/425 ordered the clones to repel the Trandoshans. Delta Squad discovered, however, that the Trandoshans were being backed by elements of the Confederacy, which arrived to reinforce their Trandoshan allies with an armed Lucrehulk-class battleship. Multiple use of the word "Trandoshan". Any chance of using other identifiers to avoid repetition?
  • Meanwhile, Delta Squad was forced to leave behind its main sniper, Sev, as Tur-Mukan was drawn away by the Wookiee Enacca. Some more context on these events would be appreciated. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 14:03, January 9, 2012 (UTC)
    • Added a little bit of context. Is that what you were looking for?—Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 15:00, January 9, 2012 (UTC)
      • I think something still needs to be mentioned as to why Sev was left behind. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 10:38, January 18, 2012 (UTC)
        • See what you think of that, then.—Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 20:55, January 18, 2012 (UTC)
          • Made a small clarifying edit here. Now, can that be sourced to Order 66 (been a while since I read the book), or does that have to be sourced to Republic Commando? - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 11:53, January 20, 2012 (UTC)
            • It's been a while for me, too. I'm pretty sure that it could be sourced to the book, but I sourced it to the game, just to be sure.—Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 15:53, January 20, 2012 (UTC)
              • Good enough for me. Good job putting up with my niggling objections so close to promotion :P - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 09:27, January 23, 2012 (UTC)
Ecks
  • You currently categorize him as Category:Clone trooper commanders; however, is this confirmed anywhere? Seems like that category is reserved for people with the title, not for clones merely advising/commanding other clones. 1358 (Talk) 17:24, January 9, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 09:27, January 23, 2012 (UTC)


  • Sorry about the recent delay in reviewing, Cal. My time on Wookieepedia has been severely constricted, and I've had to prioritize my own projects. I'll try to give the article a full review once I get the chance; hopefully that will be before the article passes. Apologies about the delay. CC7567 (talk) 07:33, December 7, 2011 (UTC)
    • From the way the review is going, I'm sure this will still be here when you get back. :P So, no worries.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 02:10, December 8, 2011 (UTC)