Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Bultar Swan/Legends

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations | Bultar Swan
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Bultar Swan

  • Nominated by: Menkooroo 01:45, May 24, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Movie character.

(3 Inqs/4 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Pre-nom reviewed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:39, May 25, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote I am quite turbed with this article. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:09, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Quack! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:53, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Terrific! Thefourdotelipsis 09:51, June 3, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 16:28, June 5, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Imperialles 08:33, June 6, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 00:49, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

Object

IFYLOFD:
  • Intro: "Eight Jedi attended the conclave, but Potkin had leaked intelligence of the meeting to Darth Vader," Why would Potkin do this? Please clarify. Also, I would add a little nugget about how Vader was once Anakin, since Anakin is mentioned previously in the intro.
    • Reorganized a little bit and info added.
  • Intro: "When Swan refused to kill her unarmed opponent, her fellow Jedi Koffi Arana seized her lightsaber and stabbed her with the weapon, betraying her and ending her life." Why would Arana betray her? Clarify.
    • Clarified!
  • Quote for Early life and Jedi training section?
    • I couldn't find anything. All the info in that section is from quoteless sourcebooks, and Swan doesn't talk about her training in any later dialogue. Unless Plo Koon has ever said anything like "I have trained many Jedi...", I think I'm stymied.
  • "After its crew had notified Fondorian authorities about their discovery, the patrol ship had disappeared, and both Fondor and its moon Nallastia were claiming salvage rights to the Sun Runner." Rewrite this sentence: the tense is all off here, making the sentence difficult to understand.
    • Rewritten!
  • Please add context on the Ripoblus and Dimok.
    • Done. I actually thought they were races, not planets. Thank you for that.
  • You mention A'Sharad Hett as a Jedi Master; perhaps you are thinking of Sharad Hett? I don't recall A'Sharad ever being a Master.
    • Ah, good call. It's definitely A'Sharad, so I just removed the word "Master".
  • That's all. Not bad. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:31, May 25, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks! I find your surplus of faith turbing.
    • ... If you can be disturbed and perturbed, surely you can just be turbed? Menkooroo 05:03, May 25, 2010 (UTC)
      • Never heard it, but I'll be sure to use it more in my everyday vocabulary. :P IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:09, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
      • It's like being gruntled. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 00:19, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
Farlstendoiro
  • Context on A'Sharad on his first mention ("Jedi General" would suffice)
    • Blam!
  • "She [Potkin] had invited Darth Vader to the meeting". It sounds as if she called Darth at Coruscant and asked for him to assist. However, IIRC, she lured Vader, as you explain just after saying that.
    • "Hello, Vader? Yeah, it's Potkin. ... Oh, I'm a Jedi. Hey, hey. HEY. Hey, calm down. Now, that's just plain rude. I think you owe me an apology. ... There, that's better. ... Oh, not too bad. Just letting you know that some Jedi are gathering on Kessel. ... Yeah, Obi-Wan gon' be there. ... Well of course you're invited! ... Yes, you can bring your lightsaber. ... Eight o'clock? Sounds great. See ya." But seriously, changed 'invited' to 'lured'. Menkooroo 00:47, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:19, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
L'Imperialles
  • On the front lines: "simultaneously destroying every battle droid in the process" This assumes prior knowledge of Separatist usage of battle droids. I know you've sort of mentioned it earlier by referring to the "battle droid army on Geonosis," but I still think something along the lines of "simultaneously destroying all opposing forces in the process" would be better.
    • A couple sentences before that, it states: "Six months after Geonosis, she led Republic forces against battle droids under the command of the Separatist Leader[14] Baron Edi Wedd." Should be enough context, I think. Menkooroo 08:28, June 6, 2010 (UTC)
      • Right you are. Don't know how I missed that. --Imperialles 08:33, June 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • That's all. Great work. --Imperialles 08:17, June 6, 2010 (UTC)
Xicer wouldn't mind Bultar-ing her Swan...wait, what?
  • Knighthood: "However, the energy field the zoologists had been placed in would end their lives in three hours, unless the Lost Stars of Nallastia, three ancient jewels hidden somewhere on the moon, could be found." Could you elaborate slightly? Why were these crystals needed to save the zoologists' lives?
    • Windham doesn't go into toooo much detail, but I've elaborated a bit. Their power must be harnessed to break the field!!
  • On the front lines: "…she led Republic forces against battle droids under the command of the Separatist Leader Baron Edi Wedd on Amaltanna." Is "Separatist Leader" some sort of formal title? If so, it should be linked.
    • Turns out he's a commander, so I've changed it up.
  • Otherwise, great job as usual. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 20:04, June 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Yeah baby! Menkooroo 00:39, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • Thank you to a lot of people for a lot of sources. Menkooroo 01:45, May 24, 2010 (UTC)

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 00:49, June 7, 2010 (UTC)